Is there hope?

[Hopeless17]

Hi everyone, I was raped by my grandfather when I was 8 and went on for 2 years before I spoke. Nothing was done about it other than family chaos, some defending the predator and my mom trying too hard for DCF to not take me and my sibbiling's away. Since my situation was never dealt with I put it away in the file cabinet somewhere in the brain dept. I suffered a ton more since, much more but I think this is my main cause of me being this terrible selfish human being I am. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD 5 years ago. Therapy hadn't helped. Obviously I need to try bigger things which I'm willing to do. I have an adult son and a 1 year old. They're my world and the baby keeps me in my toes and alive. I am married to a man that loves me very much and tried hard to be patient with me. My husband comes attached to his 5 year old daughter. My stepdaughter, my main trigger. I love her, but she triggers me in ways that all I want to do is run, run, run. She's very very affectionate, very normal in children especially girls, try telling that to my head. She loves to scream, screams trigger me badly because I screamed with all of my strength in my head when I was being raped. She loves to play wrestling with her dad, they trigger me because again she screams loud and I'm afraid shell cause what I caused.. A predator to rape me. Now, I know that I know that i know that I know that my husband will never hurt her and damage her for the the rest of her life but why can't I make my head understand that? I become highly angered, full of anxiety just by the anticipation of her coming over which is quiet a bit. When I do things with her alone I'm not triggered and we have fun but when my husband is around I see me in her but me as a child. I am so tired of feeling this way. I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted. I feel like I'm a monster for wanting to stay away from her as much as possible when she's home but I know that i would put her life before mine if anything was to happen. Does anyone understand?

 

[Changing4Best]

I was molested by my grandfather so I understand. I don't have kids though, so that part is harder for me to get, but I get it somewhat. Your language is plain enough that it makes sense anyway.

First let me just say I am so sorry that all these things happened to you and these other things are happening to you and your family now too. CPTSD is so tragic, I have it too. I have had to have something like 20 years of therapy for the therapy to finally make it possible for me to go out and get a job. I am doing that now.

I hope some others here can shed some light on family life for the CPTSDer as they progress in therapy. I hope you don't give up on therapy. Maybe you just don't have the right therapist. Are you seeing one that specializes in Trauma Therapy? That matters a lot. Ask! If not, ask around, and go online and in the phone book until you find what you need.

And by the way, you are not alone. Many folks here have suffered similar things. They are all here to help you. Tour this website, read up on the articles about your condition. You will find a better understanding of yourself and what is happening to you.

And welcome!

 

[hermione]

Hi I don't have children and was abused by well 3 people including my brother all long term situations like upwards of 9 years and 5 years was with brother... stayed silent about brother and his friend until this year but I know the struggle I have been in therapy for years and it takes a lot of work and it took me a long time to open up about any of my trauma but i see a trauma and well i have an eating disorder but she specializes in trauma which i think is a big help for me as i have come a long way i am struggling right now with new memories but i find therapy very helpful to me and my therapist is a safe person and with the right one you may find some insight and a way to better handle the situations. I am sorry you had to go through that it is all difficult and PTSD is very difficult to treat. I am doing better than i have i was able to move out of my house and also have been working a job for 2 years which was basically never expected of me but my therapist has been wonderful so i say keep fighting and don't give up. i am new around here and struggling with some new things but keep going and fighting it takes work and i may always struggle due to my traumas but i think or am hoping it will get as manageable as possible and maybe with the right help you can get there and me too just keep trying. you can do this.