Is There Such A Thing As Tmi In Therapy?

[Frenzy3674]

So, I have hit a block in therapy. And it's happened before with previous therapists. I hold things back because I'm embarrassed or ashamed. She asked me something and my answer was that's just TMI. Her answer was that TMI with a therapist is avoidance. That there was no place for it. Has anyone else felt this? How have you handled it?

 

[Deadman]

If it pertains to your PTSD it is not TMI for your therapist. Just work your way up to saying it. It took me over a year to finally give a key piece of my story to my T. Once I said it I wondered why I thought saying it would be such a big deal.

 

[Solace]

I disagree that it's avoidance. The situations that brought forth our PTSD can often involve things that seem embarrassing, or we feel shame about them because we've been taught to. If you feel comfortable with your therapist (which is really important), explain that you feel shame or embarrassment because of what happened. Ideally they will help you navigate these feelings and find new insight and healing.

 

[ninja]

I am wary of blanket statements such as the one she made. I do not think holding things back from a therapist always means avoidance. Not only is it up to you to decide how much privacy you personally feel comfortable with but you are also a human, capable of working things through on your own if they need to be worked through. It is not always necessary to discuss everything. You also get to choose the pacing of therapy. When you are ready to speak about something, if you need to say something about it, you will. Take excellent care.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think @Solace is right that the situations which bring on PTSD often involve shame. I disagree in the sense that I would say... ergo, a patient not wanting to talk about those feelings is avoidance.

I can't even imagine talking about consensual adult sex with my T. I talked about one of my instances of rape for the first time last session, and I had a hell of a time with it. I am avoiding it. It is what it is. I'm making progress.

And no, I don't think TMI is really possible with therapists. For example, if you are experiencing transference, it's important to be able to say so. Saying, "I fantasize about you, and it confuses me" may be intensely uncomfortable to say to a T, but it's an important hurdle to overcome in the therapeutic relationship if that is what one is experiencing.

 

[Panda Bear]

There is avoiding and not being ready or being unsure if you T can handle the load you're about to off load.

I have avoided on purpose, out of stubbornness.

And I have not been ready to unload certain information to my T, because I was unsure at the time of he could handle what I had to say. It came with trust and reassurance in his part, before I shared the TMI parts of my life.

If he(T) had told me I was avoiding a direct question, after I gave him an answer based on my comfort level, is be scared.

It took many years of a steady and strong relationship before T felt safe and I felt safe to talk openly. He has called me on avoiding information, but he's done it well and with respect.

For the record, I've shared it all..the whole gamut. But when I was ready, and with Ts love and support. We did it together.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

And now I am thinking of all of the things that I don't want to share with my therapist. I told my friend that I feel like I shared too much too soon and she stearnly said, "No, you didn't!" Somehow, my therapist got stuff out of me. And after I did tell her, she said "this is going to take a lot of work." After I left, I sat in my car, and felt like it was closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. Sat and talked to my friend on the phone for quite awhile.

 

[MisterCatLady]

I feel you. I was there a couple months ago. I finally was able to move past it but my therapist was VERY patient and reassuring. She regularly told me to move at my own pace. Most of the time when I'm telling her something humiliating I say it very fast so we can focus on the effects and emotions resulting.

 

[claroscuro]

Shame. Guilt. I'm still working on those, but have made progress. And they were major stumbling blocks for me, now they're more like pebbles in my shoe.

My therapist told me that oftentimes that shame/embarrassment/guilt is the result of trying to regain control; assuming responsibility for the trauma. Other times it's often the result of being trained to feel that way about the trauma, usually as a tool to isolate you and ensure silence.

That shame and guilt resulted in me directing a lot of anger at myself. She told me to:
1. Think about what exactly is causing those feelings.
2. Separate my current self from my younger self. We're not the same people, I'm an adult, and she was a child. If those things happened to another child, would I feel they'd need to feel shame or guilt? What would I say to that other child?
3. Bear in mind that those traumas happened to a child, not an adult, and that younger version of myself did not have the understanding I have now.
4. When I feel shame or guilt over my trauma, actively redirect that toward a compassionate and understanding response toward myself.

Depending on the trauma, it may also be helpful to understand what consent is. For me, given that I consented to one of my traumas (at the age of about 13), understanding the circumstances that lead to night, and understanding that I wasn't in a position to give consent, was quite liberating.

I haven't been able to talk about the above mentioned trauma with my T yet, but it's no longer out of shame or guilt, rather because the anger I now feel toward the abuser is overwhelming in a way that isn't yet manageable for me.

For me, it's not really a matter of too much information, rather one of feeling able to share that information without going into a downward spiral.

 

[Crow]

I think it may be more a case of not having trust in the therapist. Takes a lot to disclose stuff we feel ashamed of. Took me over a decade and now I can say anything. So I think your therapist has a bit of transference or at the least not a keen understanding of all involved for trauma survivors to share.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Has anyone else felt this? How have you handled it?

Yep! Many times!

My trauma has MANY embarassing TMI things in it. While speaking about it I can get into real actual TMI.

When i am moving from embarrasing to actual TMI, if I don't catch myself, my therapist will stop me or intrupt me. But my examples are VERY extreme. I grew up in a cult and rituals & punishments were pretty extreme. Things I brought into adulthood was pretty extreme. What most would think is TMI isn't in therapy.

How I tell my therapist things that are very embarrasing and shameful and seem super TMI is I look completely the other way, back behind me out the window and I sort of hint around it. I tell him i need to tell him something embarrasing, he opens the conversation and lays the path to tell him and i start to slowly hint around it until he either just gets it, he guessing it, or i just close my eyes and say it.

It is hard to tell our therapist embarassing and shameful things but they need to know to best help us and remember that they have most likely heard it before many times over.

 

[joeylittle]

When i am moving from embarrasing to actual TMI, if I don't catch myself, my therapist will stop me or intrupt me.

Do you mean he tells you to stop giving so much detail?