Is This A Flashback?

[Amethyst]

Background info: I was diagnosed with acute stress disorder about 5 months ago from a trauma that happened in June. I haven't been in counseling for about 3 months now, but the symptoms have continued (to a lesser extent). I'm not exactly sure what constitutes a flashback, since I never had one when I was in counseling and I didn't get to talk to my therapist about it, so that's why I'm making this thread.

My first "flashback" experience was in class about a month ago. We were watching a documentary about veterans with PTSD (ironically) and I was playing on my phone because the documentary was sad and I didn't want to watch it. Suddenly, the video cut from a man talking to audio of rapid fire. I jumped in my seat and did some weird defensive pose with my hands (my usual exaggerated startle response), but instead of ending there, I panicked and started crying. I knew the shots were part of the video because I saw it when I looked up, but I kept imaging that there was an active shooter in the school, even though I knew there wasn't. I left class and went to my car as soon as I calmed down because I was embarrassed. Luckily I sit in the back and not too many people noticed.

My second experience was earlier this month at Pride. I was terrified of walking with the Pulse float in the parade because I had this irrational fear that someone was going to shoot us. I knew there was security, but Pride is open to the city and we would be easy targets. I decided to walk anyway, and about halfway through the parade, a car backfired and it sounded like gunshots. I froze completely at the first one and then after the second and third, I started crying and I think I screamed "make it stop". Another Pulse employee linked arms with me to get me walking again and she explained that it was just a car backfiring. I realized that if there was a shooter, the police would have done something about it (they were walking in front of us) and I calmed down, but it was a humiliating experience. Especially since this was in front of a ton of people and I had to finish the parade route looking a mess.

I'm not sure if these experiences were flashbacks because I never thought that I was back at Pulse that night, but in both cases, I thought there was another shooting in progress. The first one lasted about 5 minutes, and the second one was shorter. It's also worth noting that I NEVER cry in public and I am not a very emotional or expressive person, so this is extremely out of character for me.

 

[Friday]

Triggered.

Big time. As in gunshots from the club
>>> Gunshots from the documentary &
>>> Backfiring/Gunshots during the parade.

Sounds like to a panic attack, or anxiety attack.

Stressor vs. Trigger - What Is A Trigger?

A trigger is a symptomatic reaction from one of the five senses (sight, sound, touch, taste and smell) based only upon a direct connection to an actual traumatic event experienced.

Take note of that bold statement, as that's the key for distinction as to whether or not a a reaction is to a trigger or a stressor. So what is a stressor then?

 

[Amethyst]

Triggered.

That makes sense, and it sounds more like what I was experiencing than a flashback. I know that gunshots are a major trigger for me, but I never really understood what happens when someone is "triggered" (I always assumed it was just the fight/flight response or the exaggerated startle response) so thank you for that explanation!

I had a panic attack once before (years before I was every traumatized) and I legitimately thought I was going into cardiac arrest. These experiences weren't that, but they definitely could have been anxiety attacks.

 

[Alibongo]

This still happens to me after 18 months although therapy has helped. Give it some time and hopefully it will ease. Are u doing exposure therapy in counselling?

 

[Amethyst]

Are u doing Exposure therapy in counselling?

I was only in counseling for two months after the shooting because that's how many sessions I was able to get through my school's counseling center before the end of the semester. It was "crisis intervention", which is basically brief/solution-focused therapy. There wasn't really a treatment aspect to it, just talk therapy and homework. I'm going back to counseling on Tuesday, but the semester is almost over, so I doubt we will actually get into treatment.

 

[Friday]

Panic Attacks definitely manifest in different ways. Fight/Flight response for true -gone sideways, but that looks different with different people- and learning to alter our own response means even our own start to look different, even if they never did before.

I really like the piece "symptomatic response"... Because, cha. Sometimes various shades of panic attacks, or emotion storms, or intrusive thoughts, or flashbacks, or anxiety attacks, or some combo of the above or others. Basically, Hi body! Knock that shit off, now, wouldya?!? Stop. Magic word. Just Stop. (f*ck please.) Fun and excitement in the land of 'I have just been hijacked' :wtf:

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's important to point out that not all flashbacks make you consciously think you are in the moment of the trauma again.

<key word is "consciously" for those who want to rip my statement apart>

 

[Gs172003]

It still happens to me after more than 14 years. Sorry

 

[Fadeaway]

Yes, this absolutely sounds like a flashback and I am saddened that you were only able to get a brief stint of therapy. Have you looked into victim wittiness to see if they will cover therapy? I think you are in a pretty crucial stage right now given the short amount of time since your trauma.

@EveHarrington yes you are correct, emotional flashbacks can be even more common where just the emotion is triggered.

Unfortuantly @Zoogal is also correct, managing flashbacks and and working to keep the to a minimum will be a life long process.My trauma was 14 years ago as well.

 

[Gs172003]

Yes, this absolutely sounds like a flaIt back and I am saddened that you were only able to get a brief...

I started out at a church where they had students that were working on their degrees. It was either super cheap or free. Mine was free. My husband still goes and he pays $10. Maybe call some colleges and see if you can find something like that.

 

[Amethyst]

I am saddened that you were only able to get a brief stint of therapy

I plan on going back to therapy. I'm going to finish this semester at my school's clinic (just to see if I still have acute stress disorder or if it's moving into PTSD territory), and then I will probably seek outside counseling next semester-- Somewhere where I can be seen weekly and they can utilize treatments besides talk therapy.

The resources are there, I just need to be proactive and utilize them. I'm sure lots of theraposts in Orlando are still offering free counseling to Pulse survivors, and even if I chose to go somewhere else, my insurance would cover everything but a $15 copay per session.

Thank you for your concern and suggestions though!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Just read through this thread. I think the definitions have been pretty well lined out.

While understanding what's happening is very important and helpful, the most important thing to acknowledge is you and your response. Your emotions. That's one of the reasons a good therapist is important.

Regardless of how others felt at the time, you need to be validated and reassured that you aren't crazy, or wired wrong.... you responded your way in a difficult situation. Nothing wrong with that at all.