Is this called ptsd?

[Rainey]

LOL! Yep, stupid is as stupid does but I know his wife is behind all this “conversion” of turning him into a full blown Jesus freak. We all went to Catholic school, but he was never obsessed until she came into the picture, that’s a whole other story. I tell ya, I could write a book there is so much material and my memory unfortunately is crystal ( like a movie being played ) with amazing accuracy. Kind of wish it was not so clear but, oh well. Gotta go shopping, talk soon!!! Thanks Daph, your great!

 

[Suzetig]

I have been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, (small wonder) but never considered PTSD since I am still living in hell

You’ve not posted anything that makes me think PTSD to be honest. The trauma you’ve experienced could cause PTSD but not necessarily - many many people don’t get PTSD even after sexual trauma. In saying that, you’re still living in an unsafe environment so you’re daily reaction to that will mask just about everything else that is going on.

On that note, you can’t really process or heal from trauma until you are physically, emotionally and psychologically safe - and you’re not in that place. You can still work on yourself and become stronger or more resilient but working on safety is going to be really key to you moving forward. I know that might feel pretty impossible just now, you do sound very stuck, but safety would be a good goal for you to work towards.

 

[Rainey]

Thanks Suzetig,
I am planning on getting a video camera to monitor things and that will help. I am married and I know he is afraid of my husband. The security gate we have is a decent deterrent but nothing is fool proof for a determined whack job, that is why I want the camera, if he tries anything, it will be on camera. Damn shame I still have to live my life wondering what he will do next. My husband is just sure I am needlessly worrying but how can he ever really get the deep, rooted trauma and fear (not to mention anger) for all the hell he has caused and still is. Well, I guess I don’t belong here since this is all about PTSD and that is not what I am dealing with. Just pure non ending torture. Mom who never stood up for me and a husband that thinks I am needlessly worrying about him. I wish I could believe that deep down in my heart. Thanks for listening all. Be well.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t think a video camera is going to make you safe.

 

[Rainey]

Eve,
( Loved that movie ) I am open to any suggestions.

 

[Suzetig]

I’m honestly not sure you are open to suggestions from what you’ve said about your therapists in the pass. Any suggestions around safety would need to look at setting and maintaining boundaries with your family. If you honestly think your brother is still a threat to you (as opposed to you being fearful because of his childhood abuse of you) the sensible thing is to have nothing to do with him. For as long as you prioritise other peoples wants and wishes above your own needs, you’re going to feel unsafe.

 

[Rainey]

Suzetig,
You are so right. You have me all figured out.
Thanks for your keen insight.

 

[Suzetig]

I don’t think I have “keen insight”, I’m just reading what you’ve posted about the fairly usual suggestions your Ts have made and you not being able to set boundaries in those relationships which have been harmful to you. A gate and a camera won’t make you feel safe if you don’t feel safe within yourself and if the closest relationships to you don’t feel safe.

 

[joeylittle]

When Mom passes, I will divorce my family as it will be a realistic option then! I will dissapear never to be seen or heard from again. I think that is when the real healing will take place, knowing he can’t find me or keep tearing the scab off the wound ever again.

On that note, you can’t really process or heal from trauma until you are physically, emotionally and psychologically safe - and you’re not in that place. You can still work on yourself and become stronger or more resilient but working on safety is going to be really key to you moving forward. I know that might feel pretty impossible just now, you do sound very stuck, but safety would be a good goal for you to work towards.

@Rainey - I just wanted to point out that Suzetig said the same thing that you yourself did. I'm not sure where your anger is coming from on this.

You asked if what you were dealing with is PTSD - and there are a few things that are true:

• No-one here can really tell you for sure - like @Daph said, you'd need to get an assessment done.
• The trauma you experienced in childhood is capable of causing PTSD
• Not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD. Whether or not you develop PTSD...no-one knows why some do and some don't.
• There's probably no way for you to get a good handle on that until you're out of your current situation. Once you can separate from your family, you'll probably be more able to separate out what might be driving the symptoms you are experiencing.
• Depression and anxiety, all by themselves, are a lot to deal with. And, whether or not you have PTSD...you've clearly experienced trauma, and would probably benefit from some of the trauma-focused therapy techniques. But, like you said - you probably need to be out of your current situation, first.

Not everyone on the board has diagnosed PTSD. It's true that it's our focus, but you might find many of the coping strategies that people share to be helpful, as well as the connection with others who have survived the kind of abuse you grew up with.

You might find these pieces interesting, or useful -
The Iceberg Of Emotions
Dealing with anger

 

[DharmaGirl]

Holding on to all your hate and blame for your brother is not hurting him at all. It is, however, hurting you. As long as you feed the hate and anger, it will continue to consume you.