General Is This Common? Just Learning And Trying To Be Helpful But Seems Only To Backfire

[Renee5624]

Ive questioned the "turning my words around" issue as well. I don't know how I'm coming across. I think I've said at least one hundred times, that every comment towards my husband was not to be taken as critical or negative. Sometimes it was even a compliment. I can't poke a little fun, I thought I used to be kinda funny. Maybe not so much.

I tried to relate to my husband in one of the few times that he's talked about work recently. I said, "you must have liked that huh?" he got defensive: "what are you trying to say?" and raised an eyebrow. I stammered, "umm, don't you like exciting challenges?"
He paused and said, "uh, I guess."

Whew... Wiping my forehead.

 

[Bilby]

Sometimes helping means backing off, but that is a learned behavior for me.

It's interesting isn't it - having to kind of go against 'instinct' can be really hard. Well, it is for me anyway!

 

[Bilby]

This behaviour I can relate to. I overreact to my wife and children when they are trying to help, because I misunderstand their comments, questions, or actions. I float off into some kind of illogical rant, of course I dont see it as that until later, saying things I dont mean. The words just roll off my tounge uncontrollably. Sometimes this goes on for an hour or so, then when I come out of it, I realize what I've done. Its hard to appologize for something repeatedly. I cant see their help as usefull because I am stuck: I cannot logically process my own functions, let alone what someone else is trying to do for me. It seems to be best if I am left alone, but the whole family needs me invlolved. Still trying to figure that one out.

My husband seems to be like this too.

 

[LizardViolet]

I know with my bf I can't tease him about himself. It's too subject to negative interpretation. It's not a joke to him.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Everyone already said it all. I just wanted to show support and say you can do this. I am sorry you are struggling right now. I hope it gets better for you.