Is This Possible With Dissociation?

[zoie33]

Sorry I am new to the whole dissociation thing. When I do it I pretty much am aware of everything that is going on I just go deep in my head but my head feels like it's a Million Miles Away and i stare off. Anyway i recently dissociated during a session and I missed most of what the therapist said that day but I do remember a couple things. I was asking him questions I guess looking for reassurance that it was okay to think what I was thinking and I felt almost childlike. Now that I look back I remember he kept calling me a strong lady and it was very disturbing to me that word lady. I kept thinking to myself I'm not a lady. When you go into dissociation can you sometimes go into like a different self meaning can you dissociate into a child I'm so confused.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Short answer is yes, that's actually one of the hallmarks of a dissociative disorder. There is more than one type of dissociation and I think you really need to talk to your therapist about that experience you had. But feeling child like is very common.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Yes sometimes when stressful situations happen/someone trying to criticize me or anger is present I "emotionally disassociate" and feel the flooding of fear as I did as a child and feel very childlike and have those same fears of wanting to hide and sometimes I purposefully go "deep into my head" at that point and stare off...still mildly visually aware (a little blurry) but I block out all of what anyone is saying to avoid being hurt further if that makes sense?

 

[amosmorris]

Definitely a feeling of wanting to hide is common for me, and the "fog" as I usually call it is a kind of comfort--it's sometimes my way of just needing to check out/too tired to stay with stuff...sometimes I can do this purposefully and other times it just happens. What strikes me here though is that you're dissociating all session--which for many (me too) is a common struggle--but your T isn't intervening..? At this point--and I've been working with this T for just over two years--my T is good at identifying it for me and then tracing the events in our conversation up to when I checked out...so she'll say something like "Where'd you go just then?" or "I feel like I'm losing you--where are you right now?"....I get sad about it because it's frustrating and I don't really want to leave the scene/her, but I do it all the time. And then the work becomes seeing if we can figure out what I was feeling/avoiding. So anyway--all this to say--I think you should engage your T a bit more in what's going on for you during the session so that he can become more of a partner in identifying and working with the dissociation. Hope that helps...

 

[zoie33]

amosmorris, I don't usually check out all session although once it pretty much was. We are going to talk about it today. I wrote a letter explaining everything so I don't have to risk checking out before I get it all out. He may know about that I am not sure. I remember he said something like he was not sure how much of this I was going to hear that day or something like that....then I just remember...lady...strong lady...did what you had to do....i know he has admitted to having a hard time reading me and ibknow that is because I am always stone faced and show know emotion ever. It is probably worse in session. That is why I am telling him today what happens for me. I didn't know it was dissociation until he pointed it out last session and that one he only caught based on my answers of feeling nothing during emdr and telling him that I went numb when is said I would rather be dead a few minutes earlier. So maybe it was a learning experience for both of us. He seems to be good at what he does and I have total trust in him in as much as I can trust anyone. I am anxious about today's session. I am just trying to nap and ground myself before I go.

 

[zoie33]

So my session went pretty good today I was hoping the therapist would just read through my letter and maybe discuss some stuff at the end and be done with it but no he had to go line-by-line and make comments he's way too nice but things are good he now understands me more. Since we're not doing EMDR because he took so long to respond to every line of the letter I decided to spill all the beans and tell him about stuff thats been bothering me for quite a while my deepest secrets. I thought I might as well get it over with. I do feel so much better, more at peace with myself. He doesn't seem to look at me a freak and kept telling me how I am perfectly normal for someone that's been through what I've been through that's psychobabble for I really am a freak but amongst my kind I'm okay. I'll take it though. I tried forcing myself to look him in the eyes so I wouldn't dissociate but I had to start the stare off when I was telling the worst of it and eventually it happen anyways. He still can't tell when I dissociate I'm too much of a stone face. We discussed that he says he's glad I am. I said why, it doesn't make your job any easier and he said even though it might be a slight inconvenience to him he's glad that I had that ability to protect myself as a kid. We'll have a great that I will try to tell him when I'm checking out so he can work with that. All in all everything went good he's very open to my others and said he's always willing to talk to them too if they are ready. I'm just relieved it's all out in the open things can only go up from here.