Relationship Is This Ptsd?

[Lmm]

My fiancé has PTSD from serving overseas in the Marine Corp. we just got over a PTSD, hmm I don't know what you'd call it, episode I guess where he was going to end our relationship because of stress but now wants to do counseling. We used to have a good relationship, pretty normal, but with added stresses over time things aren't so great. I can never do anything right, he is always the night in shining armor who feels he needs to save me from myself. I work really hard, have a good.job, am at least an equal contributor, but he acts like I would be completely helpless without him. And it's like it's his way or the highway. Is this PTSD/Marine Corp training or is he just a jerk?

 

[Sighs]

er... I would say a little from column A and a little from column B. My vet is much the same. (I've left out column C although that could be part of it because I don't know your man. ;))

My man was a senior NCO for many years. Think Clint Eastwood's character in Gran Turino.

Its not you. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 20280]

This is a classic PTSD Episode.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

This link will better explain the effects of the trauma on the individual sufferer.

That said, his behaviour sounds totally unnacceptable and you need to draw strict boundaries. Remember to look after yourself and not let him make this all about him.

Laurie

 

[Lmm]

Thanks @Sighs . I know it's not me just wish it wasn't this lose lose situation everyday. I know I'm not an idiot but I think he likes to make me feel like I would be so helpless without him. No fun. : (

 

[Lmm]

Thanks @Santa_Laurie we're supposed to go to counseling through the VA so I'm hoping to address these issues and set rules and guidelines up together...nervous he's going to try to get out of going though. I feel like he likes feeling like he's controlling me.

 

[Sighs]

Did he have a position of command? My man is not deliberately controlling but he is in the habit of command.

 

[Lmm]

No, he drove tanks for convoys. I think he brought a lot back with him though, I met him years after he served.

 

[Friday]

Oh the right way, the wrong way, & the marine corps way.

PTSD or USMC? Both. Always. :banghead::facepalm::wtf:

SemperFi

 

[Lmm]

@FridayJones so yes, this does sound like Marine Corp and PTSD coming in to play?

 

[Sighs]

Here's my take - for what its worth as a supporter not a sufferer.

Take someone with a particular personality. Say - alpha male. Then train them for 24 years that there is a right way of doing everything. Then put them in a situation where if things are not done right - every f*cking time - people might die. And then they actually see people die when someone forgets something or cuts a corner.

And are you surprised (as opposed to offended, hurt etc) when he:
a) insists that there is a right way to do things,
b) insists that you do it that way - every time,
c) constantly checks that you are doing it that way; and
d) goes off his nut if you aren't?

 

[Lmm]

@Sighs Thanks for the perspective. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm in an abusive relationship. I know there's more to it than that with the PTSD/combat training but it's still not easy. It truly does help every time I get perspective or gain education on the matter. Thank you!

 

[Sighs]

Mmm - abuse is a topic which gets discussed here from time to time. I personally find it difficult to define. Some people are of the view that if the behaviour is abusive - controlling, belittling etc then its unacceptable and you should leave. Others look at why the person is behaving that way. Many people with PTSD lash out when their stress cup overflows. My partner seems to dissociate and have little to no memory of verbally abusing me.

I guess the bottom line is how you feel.