Is your PTSD Cup size changing?

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Recovery4Me-omg I didn't get it til now. The joke is clear, my mind is dull.lol I have always been lucky to be thin so have never dieted. That is in part the my foods of choice are usually healthy ones. (I love a big salad) So I dont really have a plan yet. I dont know about my insurance but it likely wouldn't work right now anyway. I had endo and colonoscopy scheduled for the 5th and they postponed because hospital is only doing electives on M and F. They rescheduled for 18th but now all electives are cancelled because of covid.

Which actually relates to ptsd cup. My husband worked for a hospital for 40 yrs. In Aug 2019 they announced they were closing. All the drs in our insurance plan left to open offices on their own or with other hospitals. Our insurance was crappy anyway. But from August thru Feb I had insurance but no drs. They let him go in Jan. then we had no insurance. He took another job in April and insurance kicked in May, but we were deep into covid. By the time I could get a gastro appt it was october. I also had to see a urologist and have a procedure scheduled. I did get to gyne and have mamo this summer. I still dont have a pulmonologist or opthomologist or neurosurgeon or allergist.

All this....my cup do runneth over. Along side with the covid, all these income and insurance issues have prevented normal care. There are just so many things that go along with covid, like routine healthcare mentioned above, but also keeping us from home repairs that are inside. I know I am not alone in this and am grateful for what we do have. Just makes me nervous
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
@brat17 Oh dear! You are both handling a fistful of frets. So sorry but so impressed over your positivity...just so you know. What is your go-to tool, if I may ask?

Mine is squeezing my Service Dog or being interrupted by my Service Dog when I am overwhelmed....must be the scent I give off (fear? Lol). My second go to tool is deep breathing and grounding in the now (sometimes I need to yell at my thought to get out). <Neighbors must love that one.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Recovery4Me-clearly it has been munching...lol. I also use deep breathing and attempts at meditation. I often look at pictures to elevate my mood and put things in perspective. Also, I have 2 dogs, a golden retriever and chocolate lab to love on and get some good love from. The big one thinks he is a lap dog at 85# and just petting them is very calming.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
My cup runneth over. Today my sister with bladder cancer found out it spread to the liver. So she cannot have bladder removed.
My backdoor friend that has lived there for 25 years is moving South in the morning. She is a really good friend that lives across the alley and we have been there for each other over the years. I guess covid is just not enough!!!
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
@brat17 Know that our prayers are with you and your sister sending love, light and a dose of endurance spiritually. I can not imagine walking in your moccasins...but I can listen as your footsteps travel forward and be present while you rest.
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
I have noticed that after the adrenaline slows from the onslaught of stress, that it is hard to accept the flat line feeling of decompression. I am working hard not to fill the calm with additional stimulus from current events or seek subconscious ‘fixes’ or jolts to repump adrenaline or encourage hypervigilance. I thank everyone for their support as well as their thoughts. It really was helpful. Now I’m going to try to detox for a while and take some time out to self regulate. Love and light to all. Thank you again.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
The past few days it has been very hard for me to decompress. My husband has taken a huge interest in our political climate in the last year or so, and has the tv on national news whenever he doesn't have sports on. Im not a big football fan like it seems everyone else is. Anyway, I think its that repetition of recent events here in the US that has the hair on my neck standing up. Inclined to seek a "fix" as well. So I go to my room and watch some old reruns of anything.....trying to find an altered reality I suppose.

Having the feeling of "waiting for the left shoe to drop", or expecting the worst. Its really hard not to do that when its not an unreasonable possibility. Still, my cup is being managed as I get sleep somehow and eat pretty healthy. Of course to eat healthy, must go to store, and in order to go to store you must get dressed, etc. With the covid....even that is somewhat stressful these days.

Anyway, I am guessing that anyone living in US since Jan 6th either has a full cup or is somehow managing it. Sure is trying times. Be safe all!
 

Friday

Moderator
Anyway, I am guessing that anyone living in US since Jan 6th either has a full cup or is somehow managing it. Sure is trying times. Be safe all!
I made a decision a long time ago that if I’m not willing to do anything about it? I don’t care. >>> Which leads into if I can’t not-care AND I’m not willing to do anything about it? I’m not allowed to stay informed. Because that’s just a waste of a life, pouring energy OUT of my life rather than into it, and missing out on so many amazing things, because I don’t have the energy to devote to them as I’ve wasted it elsewhere.

I equate it to throwing a tantrum... pouring energy into the fit, rather than in actually doing anything.

It means there’s a lot of stuff I tend to be pretty cyclical about. Disaster response is a good example. When my son was little, I literally had the baby in one arm and the phone in the other... as the Thailand Tsunami was hitting. I didn’t have anyone I trusted to watch my child while I took a few weeks to go do the RescueSwimmer/SAR thing. So I made the decision to hang up the phone. Now, I could have missed out on both the Tsunami AND my son, by throwing a tantrum for several weeks on what I couldn’t do. Instead? I had a blast with my kiddo. There have been times where that wasn’t the case. Where I was 50 kinds of emotions-elsewhere / so busy caring about things I wasn’t willing to do anything about, that I missed out on my life, because of it.

My parents? Used to have really active/busy mornings. Over the past year Thats changed to spending 4-6 hours each morning bitching and shouting about politics. They’re not IN politics, they’re not helping the situation any, they’re just making their own lives crappy (not only missing out on their morning gardening/walks/projects, but also being tired & cranky & short tempered from their bitch fests). If they’d decide to DO something to make the political situation better? (Or at least, more to their liking). Or turned off the stupid TV & got back to their lives? They’d be a helluva lot happier. But instead, they have decided to “stay informed” although that benefits exactly no one, including themselves.

Miserable to no purpose. Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Even though I’ve done it. My feeling is... If I’m going to be miserable? It had better be to a purpose. Or there’s no point in it.

So the questions I ask myself, when I’m stressed out by something is : Whose life am I making better? What am I willing to do about it? If the answer is “no ones”? Or “nothing”? Then I need to stop pouring energy into something that benefits no one, and is literally doing nothing, or at least nothing good. Because, epitaph stuff:

She died... informed & grumpy.
She died... busy & happy.

She died... whinging about what other people do.
She died... doing what she loved.

KWIM?
 
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Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
@Friday I do understand a bit of what you mean.

Sitting in the past among Seniors often meant listening to tirades of discontent. The groups had it down to an art form. My reaction was to dodge daily interactions to conserve my sanity and watch out for being cornered in the elevators or hallways.

But where you and I may differ a bit, is that for myself staying informed on some items in the news (that I can do nothing about) helps me plan. Crime statistics or trends in my location (assist with how much I gear up walking the dog), weather disaster watching (a must for preparation), stimulus checks (allows budget reallocation), shortage trends (inventory), researching statistical data on COVID-19 Zones here as well as reactions to vaccines allows for consideration of venturing or partaking. But using media for eternal b*tching rites...nah...you are right it is a waste of headspace as well as breath.

BTW... the Tsunami adventure sounded scary as h3ll. You are one loving and brave parent. Hat off to you on how you face your world.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
I too agree Friday. Also as Recovery4Me stated, I also like to be informed. Though much has been redundant. Didn't want to get into politics, but Trump gone is promising. Though there is still so much else. More vaccines coming out is hopeful. The covid has felt heavy on me. I am one of those that have not gone out to dinner in a year. Many of my friends do and have not got it. I will be one that survives the pandemic and gets hit by a bus...lol. That is actually how many think.

Anyway, we all have our stuff going on that is less than pleasant, just managing that darn cup.
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
@brat17 I too feel the weight of the Covid de-culture.
What you stated about worrying about one thing and then being axed by another is how I think too. One of my childhood mentors was a health nut, martial arts sensei, good father of my best friend. He died of asbestos poisoning (white lung) from his job in the shipyard. Never know what awaits within the realms of irony. As well friends of my family have passed from Covid, several seniors I knew have passed from mysterious complications... it can feel devastating ontop of our daily lives. (please forgive if I am repeating...)

Although I am decompressing in a less intense location, I use my toolbox daily to cope as you do. I am trying to focus on a few garden project items, nesting within the new location. I am also taking inventory of the beautiful memories in my life that allowed a softer journey at times or my hope/dreams in leaner times. But the nights are becoming challenging again with rumination, thoughts on love and loss. Similar to a computer being bogged down from too many background apps running...my mind is struggling to find a foothold anchored in some sort of reality that I recognize.

Maybe, the brimming Stress Cup is changing within my toxic saturation. Maybe, watching so many struggle with natural disasters at this time has eliminated some of it’s ‘my fault theories‘ stemming from black and white thinking. All I know for sure is that I am clinging to my tools whether they appear to be working in the moment or not.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Recovery4Me-I am glad to hear that you are decompressing in a less intense location. Sounds like you are doing a great job of refocusing and seeing how you are not at fault for things you have taken on in the past. That tool box is essential. I love your analogy of a computer being bogged down....sometimes it feels like that.

On some level, I know I am "underwhelmed". I know, sounds weird to say it. The choices I have made in the past few years has left me unchallenged. I thought that would be a good thing, not so sure of that now. So I really get Fridays point about parents and complaining.

The issues are not all about politics though....they are about life....and what it is safe to do right now. Sometimes I look back at situations and bad choices I have made and wonder how and why I am still alive. I am trying to be less of a risk taker. I even quit smoking in August (I have copd) because of fear of covid. I see the black and white thinking in some ways and know Im not all rational.

What I think it actually is, is not really having a life purpose and then covid hitting. Being 62 and not working, not having family close. Lack of motivation or interest in most things. Ya...when it gets warmer and outside....much more interest. Its a long winter here. I guess its my own personal issue too, because I have at least moderate depression even with meds.
 
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