Isolated & Struggling

[h2o]

Within the last two months I have lost my two closest (and only) true friends. My best friend passed away suddenly after an overdose and my other friend passed away after a serious illness. I feel very isolated, alone and depressed at the moment. They were part of my support network and I am really struggling to come to terms with everything. I work from home, and am a single parent with two young kids so I am isolated anyway.

I feel so alone right now. I don't like to feel like this and was doing quite well for a while but my CPTSD symptoms have returned and I am having recurrent suicidal thoughts, dissociation and anxiety. I know isolation is one thing not to do, but I feel very out of control at the moment so I feel weird when I am around people so it is really difficult to break the cycle.

I can barely type at the moment I feel so drained

 

[Lionheart]

(((h2o)))

I am so sorry for your loss!!! It must be hard to lose two of your closest friends.:( When I grieve, I tend to want to isolate myself from people, so for me, the isolation part is kinda normal.... however, it would be good if you could surround yourself with supportive friends or family, or at the least put yourself in a safe environment if you are still feeling suicidal, (while you work to come to terms with the loss).

Is there someone who could watch your kids for awhile to give you a break? Idk, ...I wish there was something more I could do to ease your pain. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[h2o]

Thanks Lionheart - I don't really have anyone which is what seems to make it worse.

 

[Grim]

Hello h2o ... I used to work from home before I was made redundant a year ago. When working the best tip I found was to keep a routine and try and speak to people I worked with via msn or yahoo chat .. of skype when possible - just to keep up with what was going on outside.

Although I'm now not doing so well, I've also forced myself out to my local Virgin gym which brings me in to contact with a few humans - even if I don't speak more than a few words to them it seems to help.

I also spoke with my GP who seemed to have a few options of help, although at the time with my CPTSD I didn't see them as being much cop .. but now a few weeks later, I've changed my mind and am hopeful (but not yet necessarily willing) to give some of my GPs suggestions ago.

So I don't know if any of my ramble is of any use .. however, I suppose I'm saying hang in there as things can and do change with time.

 

[James B.]

Within the last two months I have lost my two closest (and only) true friends. My best friend passed away suddenly after an overdose and my other friend passed away after a serious illness.

Wow h20, very sorry to hear this. I can relate in full.

When friends of mine have died, it was scary. They were my close friends, and they died. It is scary because it reflects on my own mortality. It's one thing to hear of people we know dying, and another to know that other person well. It is really a huge blow, and in one case think maybe (it's been 3 years) it feels resolved. Still sucks, still think about the person. Still makes me get tears in my eye.

It is also very exhausting and draining. Please take care, eat and rest well. I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

[h2o]

Thanks for your replies. It does help just to know there are other people out there who can relate. I am finding it incredibly hard to come to terms with the loss of my best friend. She had been through a lot of traumatic events in her life, some were similiar to the experiences I have been through so we understood each other perfectly. She helped me to valiadate so many of the effects of childhood and adult trauma. We were incredibly close. The thing I cannot get my head around is the fact there are so many questions I have left unanswered surrounding her death. I am not sure if it was intentional, or accidental and never will.

I am putting a plan together today to stop isolating so much - the isolation makes things 10 times worse. I still feel lost and alone but today I will try and be kind to myself and take action

 

[Kim]

My heart goes out to you. You are not alone.

 

[James B.]

She helped me to valiadate so many of the effects of childhood and adult trauma. We were incredibly close.

I am very very sorry for your loss, h20.

Stemming the tide of isolation, especially now, sounds like a wise choice. Please stay in touch.

 

[Grim]

h2o, I was just looking for some info on another subject and after goggling without muck luck I tried 'the source of all information' mumsnet, which more than likely will have a local forum for your area. Just a thought..

 

[Tessa]

h20 , I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I also isolate in difficult times and live in a remote area. I am glad you came here to share with us - your PTSD family. We all share a common set of difficulties and we are here to link arms and care. Sending warm hugs to you. Please take care.

 

[Froggie]

Sorry for your loss h2o, this is very hard to deal with as some friends are closer than family members. You did well in letting us know what happened and trying not to isolate. Sending you thoughts of peace and comfort.