Isolation & PTSD

[MomOf2+]

Hello. I am starting to think my "bipolar" is c-PTSD. I haven't talked to my therapist about it yet, but the things I have read about it do make sense. It has been hart to see it, mostly because there was nothing physical that happened. Basically, I lost every (local) friend I had, and even my relationship my husband was tenuous. He thought I cheated on him, which I did not.

Emotional abuse and isolation are hidden issues that seem less valid than physical ones. Causing me to doubt myself and being controlling are ways that my husband has learned to cope with his traumatic childhood. They are very devastating ways.

My name - I have two boys of my own and, at the moment, one foster son who is 18. I also have 2 foster sons who have moved out recently that I still have a fairly close relationship with. One was in Iraq for a year (Army Nat'l Guard), and just returned, and the other just moved out to an apartment with a friend. Now my husband wants to take in another teen. I think I have spoiled him (husband) too much. I have a good paying job.

So, the physical and mental issues that I have been experiencing have not been good, but not so bad that I couldn't hide them from most people.

It has been about six years since the shattered relationships, and I have been in therapy almost that long. Initially it was depression, and anxiety, then bipolar. Lamictal stabilized my moods, antidepressants were making me (more) crazy.

I guess I'm at a point now where I need something more. I don't have any real strong relationships, still, and I have a hard time differentiating truth and reality from what people are claiming about me. For example, I have a hard time being consistent with things, including household chores and food. I think I mentally beat myself up too much.

I have felt like I've had bipolar, mostly depression, but some mixed moods, too, GAD, social anxiety (this one is a long time issue), autism, ADD, and have had an episode or two of hallucinations and delusions. And physical problems that are a little vague, and I'm never diagnosed with anything, so I feel like a hypochondriac. The official diagnoses have been depression, GAD, and ADD.

So, that was longer than I intended, but I need to get the right help. Oh, and I've tried many meds, too. I'm on 3 daily, and Ativan as needed, which thankfully isn't much. But it is nice not to worry about panic attacks. I don't particulary like taking them, but they do seem to keep me sane.

Thanks to any reading this, this site seems very helpful.

MomOf2+

 

[vallie000]

Hi, MomOf2+. I hear what you're saying and it is true that PTSD, especially the DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) form of it, is often misdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder. And sometimes, of course, a person has both. You should congratulate yourself for having and keeping your high paying job in spite of the many issues you're dealing with. You seem to be what therapists call "high functioning". The only way to get certain about your diagnosis is to get educated and work with a therapist who specializes in treating trauma. This specialist will have the experience to discern PTSD from bipolar disorder.

Good luck, be gentle with yourself, and remember that you matter.

 

[James B.]

As a CPTSD sufferer, it took me many years to understand the abuse that caused my symptoms, or to even realize that I was that badly abused. Much good info here on this stuff.

Welcome to the forum MomOf2+

 

[MomOf2+]

Thanks to both of you for replying. I'm going to do some more research on Dissociative Identity Disorder. Also, thanks for the reminder to be gentle with myself. That is so easy to forget. And I agree, realizing the significance and impact of abuse takes quite a bit, especially if it is not physical.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi MomOf2+,

Wow, it must be so confusing to keep being diagnosed with so many different disorders.

To be honest, I'm a bit confused by your introduction. I don't mean to be critical, but I found it hard to follow just what is going on for you right now. I understand that it's not always easy to post, just take your time.

You say that 'emotional abuse' is a hidden issue. Have you spoken about this with your therapist? The only reason I ask is because, unless you are totally honest with your therapist, then they can't really begin to diagnose you correctly. However, I also believe that any psychiatrist worth their fees will be able to diagnose you from what you do say as much as from what you don't say. i.e. to know when you have more to say on a subject, but find it hard to talk.

For what it's worth I think you need to find a therapist that you can speak openly with, and who isn't going to give you a myriad of diagnosis, who will actually get the bottom of your problems and genuinely help you.

On a positive note, it sounds like you've been doing a great job looking after your own children and your foster children, and keeping a job. Perhaps it's time to take five, breathe, and look after yourself for a little while.

I hope this forum helps you.

Regards
CB