Issues With Therapist

[Deleted member 28942]

I think with any professional you meet you can do just what you want, but a great therapist is going to be able to see a bigger picture to the work you are doing.

If she is able to see a bigger picture for the work we are doing she had never communicated it with me. She keeps being vague and wanting to explore. I see a clear picture of what I want to achieve and she is holding me back.

The bigger need you seem to be expressing is that you don't want to be treated like you where when you were a child. You want to be heard. You want to understand the situation, the terms, the agreements, and whether or not your therapeutic alliance is honest.

Exactly and that is what I wrote in my last email. I am still waiting for her response. Thank you. You and other here helped me figure it out and get to the deeper stuff. I still think my first email was not too bad. A bit rough around the edges but hey sometimes you gotta get angry and set ultimatums with people to get things going.

 

[UnicornSightings]

"Sometimes you gotta get angry and set ultimatums with people to get things going"


No. No, you really don't EVER have to set ultimatums. Man, I hope you can get this anger in check and this holier than thou attitude you have. Peace to you.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

"Sometimes you gotta get angry and set ultimatums with people to get things going"


No. No,...

You have not dealt with bullies and manipulative people at work. I've dealt with them all the time. This is not "this holier than thou attitude you have" it is being angry. I can see from your responses we are not gonna get along well. Let's not communicate here on the forums.

 

[qwyoey]

If she is able to see a bigger picture for the work we are doing she had never communicated it with me

I think all therapists are responsible for making sure they have some overarching thought as to where the therapy is going. Though there must be some leeway in those thoughts because at best they will have to be assumptions based on what we can communicate at the time. And since we are in therapy, we may not be able to communicate appropriately yet. It took me 1 year before I was able to express anger at my therapist so I find a lot of common ground with your anger. It is my hope for the best that your therapist wants to explore because she suspects a larger or unspoken problem can and should be resolved during your treatment. I think it is far to ask for clearer reasons why she wants to do things a certain way for your own benefit. I also think that it would be acceptable for her to say she doesn't have a clear reason but she had certain feelings or thoughts regarding your treatment. And I think its acceptable for you to say that right now you feel it is best to just focus on the memories you bring in, but to please feel free to bring up with you if you are open any other thoughts she had regarding treatment options post emdr but before your session is over. I think therapy has this constant checking in process that must be honored because we don't enter the room the same way twice. We always leave affected in some way. There are unskilled therapists out there (I've met some) and it's actually really great you are able to monitor your therapy, have your own goals, and monitor your progress.

I'm hoping for a good response to your email. I think even if you don't get the best response from your therapist that it would be an excellent place to pick up with if you begin therapy with someone new.

 

[qwyoey]

I meant to type that it is FAIR to ask. Sorry for the typos

 

[joeylittle]

Let's not communicate here on the forums.

Members all have the option to use the Ignore function.

You'll find information on how to use the ignore function here.

As far as the situation with your therapist goes - I'm not clear on what the disadvantage is, in holding a session to discuss your email. Besides the cost.

There's a lot there to address.

I know you said to us that you didn't care how it got addressed; but I'm not sure you told your therapist that (writing back seems to be the only option), and I'm really not sure that an email will be more beneficial than a conversation.

You've taken a step to express your needs - which is great - in writing, which has a bit of distancing effect. Progressing to in-person seems appropriate.

Thoughts?

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Members all have the option to use the Ignore function.

You'll find information on how to use the...

Thanks, I'll look into it.


That was the thing I kept telling her each session what I want she kept ignoring it. I did get angry but honestly, I justify me getting angry because it is about money. I've been with her for over 2 years. I can't know this for sure but it is a plausible possibility that she might want to keep me longer for the money (as one reason). In this 2.5 years, unless I push towards processing of memory she does take too long and sometimes just wants to have sessions where we talk about how things are in my life or just simply reflecting back on my experiences and what they mean and I am like "I know that why are we not working on the stuff I came from". My gut instinct tells me that she is concerned about money and clients and that on some part her fear is leading her to not move forward with me. I really don't see a reason why we cannot just focus on some memories I have chosen that are about self-defectiveness like: There is something wrong with me. I am crazy. I am ugly. etc. These are negative beliefs about myself that have nothing to do with communication or relating to others. We already resolved some memories where I felt responsible for my mother's feelings and about me being a bad and the guilt and the pain in my neck and back disappeared and I wake up happier every morning, relax, standing straight, more alive. I keep tell her this stuff and I feel like she doesn't trust me or she does not hear what I am telling her or is poking around to find something else but not telling me what she is searching for. I sometimes ask her why she wants to do explore instead of doing EMDR she gives me very vague answers like "sometimes it is good to do this to discover new things". I am like "let's focus on the issue here" My communication style is to be direct and honest and to lead towards a resolution of problems. It is towards efficiency. I get the idea she is trying to find something that may or may not be there but I do not want to work on. It feels uncomfortable like being at the dentist's and he/she is poking at your gums with that sharp thing trying to find something wrong. It hurts always regardless of whether there is something or not.

Again, if it were only me feeling this maybe I can put some doubts but my friend who went to her also got a similar vibe and quit after 5 sessions because in 5 sessions she did not do anything.

I am waiting for her response probably tomorrow since she did not respond today.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Btw, all of the discussion here helped me quite a lot. I went through many feelings and more memories got processed through my brain. I figured out additional things, felt anger, and hurt and it got processed.

In my first email I was quite angry but hey it is the first time I've gotten angry at her and is also the result of the last session. In which we processed memory about me being honest and direct with my mom and her telling me that I am intentionally hurting her feelings. Near the end, I also got in touch with my anger and that did help me get angry at her and honest. Again my first email wasn't the best I see my anger coming off strong but I am just getting in touch with this strong feelings after a long time and I am f*cking angry. This is what comforts me:
Skye - Not Broken

Not broken just lose at the ends.

Also, my faith and going to church helps me. Cause I realize the people there have all done some of this sins or mistakes. That I am not alone and that the imperfections or sins get me closer to God and other people. In a way doing something wrong or not my best teaches me humility and forgiveness towards others. Perhaps it is part of my journey. Few sessions ago we resolved a memory I don't remember which one but there was a positive belief "I can grow spiritually." It's like human interactions are imperfect and humans are imperfect and that is OK. That is how faith and relationships are made. It is the way God wanted it to be. I am also angry at my therapists cause she seems too perfect at times.

 

[Rumors]

I feel great about myself right now. I feel centered and grounded. Even all your comments can not change my mind about this. I feel that I did the right thing. I am standing up for myself. So what if I am not doing it perfectly and not taking everyone's consideration and feelings in mind. Do they always do that? NO. Do I have to be perfect in every interaction? No, I don't have to be. Do I have to assert myself in my best possible way always? NO, I don't have to. Thank you, folks. This helped me clarified things with myself and feel good about myself.

It sounds as if you already made your mind up before you even came on here and asked for an opinion. There are people here who are genuinely challenging your thinking but you dismiss it as if they can't be even partially on target. If this many people are telling you that perhaps you need to take a step back and look at this subject, then I think you need to take a longer look.
If I were your therapist, I would discontinue our working relationship. You want to determine which parts you want to do in the therapeutic process when they are all needed for healing. You are trying to skirt the emotional processing of healing which tells me there is obviously some issue there that should be explored. I am sure in your next post you will tell me I a, wrong just as you have told everyone here who doesn't validate your opinion. Good luck but if you are truly seeking honesty you will take this to heart, you are on a path of self destruction and your behavior isn't one that promotes the healing process. You have control issues and your email to your therapist was confrontational instead of prosperous. You have a long way to go to heal but take these words to heart, you cannot skip the emotional parts and only "process" on your terms. It doesn't work that way. You will "finish" EMDR and there will still be a hole and a knowing ache that wasn't solved by your version of therapy. What then?
This is my last post here...I find your replies to be aggressive and undermining. Your first sentence in most replies is, "No you are wrong..." Closed minded thoughts are a sign of much needed work....good luck with that.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

It sounds as if you already made your mind up before you even came on here and asked for an opinion. The...

If you read my few last post - which let's be honest you did not - you would see that I thanked people for there helped and I acknowledge some part of my anger and frustration and I even send another email to my therapist to clarify stuff. I did change my opinion. I was honest I did get angry I sent the email I got feedback I agreed and disagreed and came to some closure. You are not a therapist to make such bold claims. I am glad you are not my therapist.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Here is a related thread about someone sending hateful emails to their therapist:
What Do You Do After Saying Hateful Things To Your Therapist?

and here is another one from a PhD professor:
Link Removed

For those of you that attacked me about my communication style take a look at yourself first. Everyone has sent an angry email or a text message one point or another in their life. I am not the only one. I believe this will be a valuable learning experience for me.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

The moment of truth has arrived:


Again she does not answer anything directly and she is not clear on boundaries. I am ready to move forward with another therapist. I can trust myself that some of the things she did are for money and she cannot be direct about anything. I did what is best for me. Again she never answered any of the things directly. I've asked her these things before and she never answers them.