Issues With Therapist

[Deleted member 28942]

@kilted true what you are saying. I'll see how it goes. He told me I can be very direct with him and even criticize him. I already have one criticism/feedback for him that I plan to share next session.

I don't think that my former-therapists was purely in for the money. What I said is that she was pushing me towards more sessions even Skype session because she saw that I can pay and it benefited her. It wasn't purely black-and-white.
Also, another issue was being too slow. She tended to drag the sessions and then told me that she feels rushed working with me.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

how much both Ts will tell you want you want to hear or do what you want regardless of clinical responsibility

@Suzetig that two therapists independent of each other both Psychologies with PhDs and clinical practice and outstanding reviews and high success rate in treatment are gonna be telling me what I want to hear is highly unlikely.

That's all therapeutic work and if she's worth her salt she won't rise to it but may ask you to explore where else that happens in your relationships.

The new therapist already covered a lot of this.

Both new therapists pointed out that I have repressed rage towards my mother and that I am redirecting at other people. I did not feel judged at all by either one of them. They have experience and they both know that someone with my upbringing has this problem and they see it as being human. Of course, needs to be dealt with. My former therapist was going too vague or was focusing on smaller issues instead of dealing with the core issues. Both current therapists saw from the beginning the mother issues.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Article related to this discussion:
Opinion | In Therapy Forever? Enough Already

 

[The Albatross]

I did my therapy post diagnosis in 9 months but necessity is the mother of invention. Maintenance is an issue I find that doesn't require a shrink... peers work for that for me.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@The Albatross what kind of therapy did you do?
Yes necessity is the mother of invention and righteous indignation!

 

[The Albatross]

The only thing at the time available to me was free flow stream of consciousness /talk therapy and my shrink (who was actually an ADD/ADHD nationally acclaimed psychologist... but was willing to attempt to intervene for me when it was clear I was high risk for suicide) didn't say very much. A specialist was not available in my area for a long while... then one was but due to his credentials I would not see him. So for me it was basically trial and error and throwing pretty much most all modalities and the kitchen sink at it.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

It was DIY patchwork. That is a good approach. I like it.

 

[The Albatross]

The way I saw it... I had very limited finances and possibilities... it was up to me. Sink or swim in a manner of speaking. You all know I am far from perfect... but I'm better and more stable than I was.

 

[The Albatross]

Never underestimate desperation. I busted my ass because as my resources evaporated, I knew they would not likely return so I had to maximize the dollars. It was harder than f' to do treatment, but I knew what my reality was and my chances if I failed.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Amen!!! Facing reality and feeling despair or hopelessness can be very motivating. There is a book called Dead Link Removed that talks about facing reality and feeling hopelessness as a force to end relationships that are not good for you. I recommend it.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Update on my progress. Things have been pretty hard. Both therapists I am working with are pushing me firmly to confront my inner critics, my negative beliefs, and to take actions. I feel quite challenged but it is paying off. The things that were dragging on forever with my previous therapists or were not even being touched are already being processed now. I feel like I am actually accomplishing stuff and moving forward. With the previous therapist, I felt stuck and unhealthy dependency on her. She was making the relationship too safe for me to grow. These two therapists are making me uncomfortable and I feel that I am progressing a lot. It is exhausting but worth it.

What I am learning is that good therapists also challenge you quite a lot don't let you drag in muddy water session after session repeating the same things over and over again. They challenge me and they disagree with me or show me when I am mind reading or assuming or when I am not standing up for myself or putting myself down. I'm far from being "cured" but I have a feeling that I am back on the right path and a little further down the road.

Now, I fully trust myself that I did the right decision by switching therapists. The original email was harsh but the anger was justified. I talked to one of my therapists and he confirmed that some therapists do keep patients longer in therapy for financial reasons. He also guesses that my judgments were right. I also learned there is a difference between mind-reading and questioning someone's ulterior motives. Mind-reading is trying to guess what someone else thinks of me or believes about me this is something that needs to be worked on cause it is not healthy. On the other hand questioning, people's ulterior motives are normal human behavior and can serve as a protective guidance. Some requests or suggestions are done due to ulterior motives. My former therapist's suggestions that I have Skype sessions during the summer because it is good for me is an example of ulterior motive because it was actually financially beneficial for her. My blindness to this has led me to be exploited before. Conclusion, it is totally normal to question people ulterior motives.

I'll keep updating this post for anyone who might have found themselves in this kind of situation.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I talked to my really good therapist today about the email I sent to my former therapists. He said it is not aggressive or demanding. A bit harsh truth but her dropping it confirms my suspicions. Plus my experience working with another EMDR therapists this summer who sees my strength in fast processing of EMDR that I am really ready and does not drag it on forever. Also, the CBT therapist who is familiar with Narcissistic personality disorder and treats people with this kind of disorder validated my previous experiences with narcissists including my mom. While my former therapists tried to be very non-judgmental and was trying to get me to see as we have different values. This was harmful for me cause it was invalidating my perception.