Issues With Therapist

[Deleted member 28942]

Anger is the appropriate emotion here. I did and I talked to people. She did use her power to take advantage of my naivete regarding money. Let's be honest it is a business and she wants to keep clients longer. The thing I am writing here about her disrespecting clients no regarding money or sessions happened with my friend. My friend had the exact same observation.
She went and told her what she wants to work on and told her she cannot afford to financially see her on a weekly basis but that biweekly would work for her. My therapists pushed her into scheduling weekly sessions and my friend also felt betrayed. As a therapist, she is dealing with vulnerable people and she has more responsibility to hear the clients no even if it is not as assertive or aggressive. She kept violating my boundaries. I did tell her I have issues with setting boundaries and confronting people.

I've dealt with something similar before and I was advised to file a complaint by a therapist and another very trustworthy person.

The filing of complaint might not get her to lose her license but it will serve as a warning not to exploit clients in that way and to reexamine what she is doing wrong.

My anger is very appropriate and very righteous in this case. You might see anger as something that needs to be worked on and resolved. For me, anger is a driving force that something wrong was done to me and I need to take actions. I trust myself about this.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Here are the issues fromLink Removed that she violated:
1.02 Self-Determination

Social workers respect and promote the right of clients to self-determination and assist clients in their efforts to identify and clarify their goals. Social workers may limit clients’ right to self-determination when, in the social workers’ professional judgment, clients’ actions or potential actions pose a serious, foreseeable, and imminent risk to themselves or others.

I kept pushing towards my goals and kept telling her what I want to do but she kept distracting me and did undermine my self-determination. I am very determined.

1.06 Conflicts of Interest
(a) Social workers should be alert to and avoid conflicts of interest that interfere with the exercise of professional discretion and impartial judgment. Social workers should inform clients when a real or potential conflict of interest arises and take reasonable steps to resolve the issue in a manner that makes the clients’ interests primary and protects clients’ interests to the greatest extent possible. In some cases, protecting clients’ interests may require termination of the professional relationship with proper referral of the client.

(b) Social workers should not take unfair advantage of any professional relationship or exploit others to further their personal, religious, political, or business interests.

(c) Social workers should not engage in dual or multiple relationships with clients or former clients in which there is a risk of exploitation or potential harm to the client. In instances when dual or multiple relationships are unavoidable, social workers should take steps to protect clients and are responsible for setting clear, appropriate, and culturally sensitive boundaries. (Dual or multiple relationships occur when social workers relate to clients in more than one relationship, whether professional, social, or business. Dual or multiple relationships can occur simultaneously or consecutively.)

She did take advantage of me by exploiting my vulnerability to further her business practice and earn money. You exploited my naivete which I was upfront that I have.

1.13 Payment for Services
(a) When setting fees, social workers should ensure that the fees are fair, reasonable, and commensurate with the services performed. Consideration should be given to clients’ ability to pay.

When I kept trying to tell her I don't want to have summer sessions she kept pushing me towards scheduling sessions over Skype cause it is good for me or it is in my best interest. She did the same with my friend.

4. SOCIAL WORKERS’ ETHICAL RESPONSIBILITIES AS PROFESSIONALS
4.04 Dishonesty, Fraud, and Deception
Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception.

She used deception to get me to do more sessions with her and was repeatedly dishonest when I asked her why we are doing one way or another. I had to keep pushing her towards what I want to do every session. Sometimes when I asked direct questions why we are choosing one approach over another I did not get an honest answer.

Value: Integrity

Ethical Principle: Social workers behave in a trustworthy manner.
Social workers are continually aware of the profession’s mission, values, ethical principles, and ethical standards and practice in a manner consistent with them. Social workers act honestly and responsibly and promote ethical practices on the part of the organizations with which they are affiliated.

She acted in an untrustworthy manner by being deceptive.

I can trust myself on this issue. Even if I make a mistake by filling a complaint I might learn something from it.

 

[The Albatross]

You want to be right or you want to be well (I'm personally betting on your wanting to be "right")?
You do realize of course that life relationships outside of a "service" don't really work that way right?

Having dug your own heels in, am not sure what these three pages are for but if they benefit you I hope it's worth it.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@The Albatross I want to be well. I believe I am right and I am consulting already with a university professor on whether she did or did not violate the code of ethics.

I shared them because another sufferer here might have similar issues and wonders is this violation of the code of ethics or not. Sharing is caring.

I do understand relationships outside of therapy are on mutual agreement respect and support. You ask you discuss things etc. However, the therapeutic relationship is different. I open myself about many vulnerable things and I do expect the therapists will have my best interest in mind even when it comes to money.

You don't know me in person that is why I think you are saying this stuff. I am very honest about important issues and very ethical. I am the person that does the right thing even when that is a hard thing to do and stands up for others and for what is right. I do make mistakes and I am honest about them and I ask help from people. However, sometimes I get taken advantage because of my honesty and that is what happened here regarding money. I was with this therapist 2.5 years. I paid a lot of money and I am angry that she took advantage of me financially. I saw it happened. I had the gut feeling but I ignored it.

 

[qwyoey]

Do you have any proof- tangible- that she took advantage of you? How do you define truth? Honesty?

I'm sorry, but "gut feeling" is not "truth"

I think the transference issues here must be resolved at some point in your life. They will repeat. I see from older threads of yours common themes repeating.

Unfortunately as much as I'd like to see you heal, I don't think any of the last posts you've written show the clarity or the nuance about life and relationships you need at the moment. I'm hoping that you aren't angrily lashing out without giving the therapist that has guided you through 2.5 years of work a chance to respond to your serious accusation. I hope that you meet with a therapist for you and discuss this. This right here. Not the targets you set for yourself. But this anger you are feeling. And the deeper work I think you are avoiding by over controlling your therapy work.

I'm taking a chill pill and putting this all on mute.

 

[Iamsensative]

If we were friends or partners fine. But I am a client and I am paying for the sessions. I don't...

Wow, not knocking your list, but what about connecting? Trauma makes us want to control everything and that doesnt move us forward. That keeps us in a tight little safe space. Are you sure your not avoiding relationships? If your sure that is not an issue. As you said you are the paying customer, but be sure you dont need anything more. Best wishes

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@Iamsensative there are many possibilities through which I can see this experience. The last session when we processed the memory I got in touch with my anger and the right to confront people when they do me wrong. I got angry and saw that she did me wrong by not being honest. I was raised, to be honest, and it is my core value.

Am I avoiding relationships? Yes, I have an issue with that but at the same time, her betrayal of my trust also meant for me reaching out to two friends I really trust and asking them for honest feedback and opinion. That got me closer to them and even opened up some tender feelings of love and joy towards them. Her betrayal of my trust also made me reach out to people that I trust and get their support, care, and compassion. I am still processing internal stuff and figuring out where things went wrong. There was a very strong transference issue that was not brought up. I kept trying to tell her but she was not really picking up on it. I would tell her that my mom would be really nice and caring when she wanted something and that I sometimes feel that way towards her (my therapist). Now, thinking of that. The transference issue was there from early on in therapy but I don't know why she did not see it. Or she did see it and used it to keep me longer. There are cases like that.

I identified few memories that caused me not to trust my judgment. This whole discussion got me thinking in different ways about the situation and seeing it from many different points of view.

I am 100% sure that she did use some of her power or my vulnerability over me to push me towards scheduling more sessions when I did not want to and I trust myself that she was aware of that. This did break the safety of the therapeutic relationship. Also, the issue about therapy not being focused or not having goals was also true.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Do you have any proof- tangible- that she took advantage of you? How do you define truth? Honesty?

My experience was that I kept saying I don't want to do this during the summer and she kept each session asking me to do Skype sessions during the summer cause it is good for me.
My friend's experience. My friend noticed that early on and quit. My friend told her that she is concerned about financial issues and that she cannot afford to do a session every week but my therapists kept ignoring her boundaries and pushed her to schedule session. Next week the same happened.

True I don't have a tangible proof because these things happen in session, not over email. It is my experience that matters. I will file the complaint. I don't think it will do anything to ruin her career cause I don't have tangible proof but I think it will get her to rethink doing that with another client or at the very least see how she can improve on this.

 

[joeylittle]

First off - I validate your experience. I had a difficult therapist once, who I suspected of being manipulative. I wasn't able to face it, and instead of ever communicating with her about it, I just disappeared. It is a big deal to find your voice in these situations, and speak up.

People are challenging you because you appear to be flat-out mind reading, and it doesn't really serve anything.

Also, if you are intending on writing to her licensing body - which I'd encourage you to do, if you want, there's no risk in it for you and will probably help you - you need to be able to report accurately. So you need to take apart where you are attributing thoughts and motivations to her, that you have no factual basis for. It's fine to have a pile called 'instinct' - but the things you need to lead with, for a letter to be affective, are the observable, reportable facts of your experience. Not your friend's.

I kept saying I don't want to do this during the summer and she kept each session asking me to do Skype sessions during the summer cause it is good for me.

This is a big point, and it does speak to the right to self-determination.

Can you replicate how the conversation would go, just like what it would be in a script? Write out what you said, and what she said, and not what you thought any of it meant.

She did use her power to take advantage of my naivete regarding money.

This is a separate allegation. Do you have any examples of times when she literally talked about money? For example, talked about her practice not keeping pace with its overhead, or about her client roster getting smaller, and being worried?

How did you talk about money with her? Did you ever talk about being stretched financially, or needing to cut back because you could not afford it, or worrying about how long therapy would go on for, because your resources were limited?

With the skype sessions over the summers: How did she put pressure on you, besides saying it would be good for you to have the continuity?

Were you using insurance or were you paying directly? (I know you've said, I've just forgotten, I'm sorry) - and if you were using insurance, did she ever tell you she could give you a better rate if you paid directly? Did she charge extra for the skype sessions? (In some states, I believe, it's still not acceptable on many insurance plans, to have counseling over skype. They won't re-imburse for it.)

I do honestly feel that she was financially inappropriate with me and that she was unethical or at the very boundaries of what is ethical. How do I file a formal complaint?

If you can answer some of the questions, above, it will become the foundation of what you'd need in a complaint letter.

My anger is very appropriate and very righteous in this case. You might see anger as something that needs to be worked on and resolved. For me, anger is a driving force that something wrong was done to me and I need to take actions. I trust myself about this.

I think that's cool. Go for it. If the anger is looping back on you, though - instead of getting channeled into action - in other words, if it's making you feel worse at any time, then it will be something to deal with differently.

One last thought: you said that she used her power to take advantage of your naivete. You describe how you are vulnerable in certain power dynamics, and you describe it as if you knew it from the beginning. If this is true, then you really aren't going to benefit from placing full blame on her. You are an adult. I know it can be hard to challenge a therapist, if one of the things you are wrestling with is being able to have a voice when you feel more low-status. Oh, believe me. I live that reality, 100%. I really do understand.

But if you knew that you were stopping yourself from speaking, you can take responsibility for having not spoken. This doesn't mean you're the bad one, she's the good one....that's black and white thinking. What it means is, you should recognize this about your own part of things, so that you can challenge yourself to speak sooner, the next time anything like this comes up. And if you don't take responsibility for your own silence, you won't be able to in future.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I think that's cool. Go for it. If the anger is looping back on you, though - instead of getting channeled into action - in other words, if it's making you feel worse at any time, then it will be something to deal with differently.

OK. Last night I cried I was angry and hurt about her betraying me. I was angry and hurt at my mom. As this was happening my eyes started moving like in an EMDR session. I kept processing stuff on my own. A lot of old issues and emotions came up and got processed. Today I am calmer and feeling better. I think there will be more pent up stuff coming up but I understood a lot about what was not working for me. I understood what was wrong in the power dynamics and where safety and connection were broken.

But if you knew that you were stopping yourself from speaking, you can take responsibility for having not spoken. This doesn't mean you're the bad one, she's the good one....that's black and white thinking.

I do take responsibility for that part. I even wrote that in the email. I even know the memories that are preventing me from speaking up sometimes. You are right. My relationship with my mother was like that. With my therapist, it was similar because she did not engage with me and could not give me an honest opinion.

With the new therapist I scheduled for the summer, using this experience I was able to communicate very clearly what I want and she was able to communicate clearly to what she is willing and not willing to do. I also wrote this in an email. So I have it in writing.

Here is that email I sent to the new therapist:

"HI [Name],

I will be in Montreal Canada for the summer and I am looking for an EMDR therapist. I've been already doing EMDR for nearly two years and it has had very profound effects on me. I had a very difficult childhood. I have set of memories that I would like to work on during the summer. The memories are about self-defectiveness.
I expect in each session to resolve one memory/negative belief.

About me: I am 32 years old male doing a PhD in Computer Science. This summer I will be interning for [Company] in Montreal. I am stable, very resourceful, creative, and goal-oriented. I don't drink or do drugs and I quit smoking half a year ago. No self-destructive behaviors. I am capable of dealing with the difficult feelings that come up during EMDR sessions and afterward. I keep a journal all the time.

Let me know if you will be willing to take me as a client during the summer. If you accept me as a client, I'll come fully prepared for each session with the memory I want to work on and the negative belief and the positive belief. My goal in therapy for the summer would be to feel good about myself by resolving the negative beliefs I have about myself."

I am preparing a list of memories I want to work on. Some of which are the ones that kept me stuck from speaking up and trusting my. I already took some specific steps and action based on my anger.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I found what I need to file a statement of complaint. It is actually way easier:
West Virginia Board of Social Work > Complaints

I posted the code of ethics parts that I think she violated because that is what is required in the complaint. They are not asking for the specific details initially. My guess is I just file the Statement of Complaint by listing the part of Code of Ethics I think she violated and then a representative will call me to discuss this. When that happens I need to be specific about the interactions and what was said and done.

OK. I also see I didn't communicate the action I was taking besides talking here. I was actually taking actions by reading to educate myself about what is needed for a complaint, where I file it, how long it takes. I read the Code of Ethics and identified the parts I believe she violated. @joeylittle your response helps a lot.

 

[joeylittle]

I even know the memories that are preventing me from speaking up sometimes.

That is great. Advice - you might want to change the way you think about this from "preventing" to "getting in the way of" - I'm big on how the way we think about things influences how we feel and respond to them (I like cognitive work, basically) - so, for a person like me, 'prevent' would create a sense of an impossible wall..."getting in the way of" would create a sense of obstacles that I could move, eventually, once I figure out how to use the backhoe. Something like that.

And I'm sorry you're moving through some hurt and pain stuff now - but it also sounds like you are working through it very effectively for yourself, and getting relief. That's great.

I am preparing a list of memories I want to work on. Some of which are the ones that kept me stuck from speaking up and trusting my. I already took some specific steps and action based on my anger.

This is great, too. Forward preparation is a thing that helps us keep past mistakes right-sized, and gives us a thing to be aiming for, instead of getting stuck in not knowing what is next.