It Amazes Me

[nay.elizabeth]

how just one...tiny thing can change one's entire day or even an entire week.

I typically hate Tuesdays. I just HATE Tuesdays. I was actually having a decent day for the most part and then my head boss accused me of something horrific and I just can't get past it. I know in my heart I am NOT AT ALL what she accused me of, nor does anyone else think this way of me but it broke me. It just broke me in half.

Visited my boyfriend for about 20 minutes or so after work between his two jobs and he asked how my day was and I just froze. Unable to speak. I didn't want to bawl in front of him. My thoughts took an overly dramatic turn and I imagined him without me. I imagined him walking through his apartment without me in his life, as though I was just dead. I envisioned him mourning the loss of me.

It amazes me how a false accusation can turn my head into wishing I was dead. I'd rather die than be accused of something so awful. I don't understand how this can happen. Why do our brains function like this?

Going along, things are great, then one bad thing happens and it turns to crap. Just one thing, big or small, brings thoughts of self hate and panic attacks and anxiety attacks and losing all sense of reality.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

how just one...tiny thing can change one's entire day or even an entire week.

I typically hate Tu...

Hey there -

For me what helped was meditation -

With mindfulness meditation I am able to take control of my thoughts - and when something bad happens that can turn my day from a good one into a bad one, through the practice of meditation I can begin to recognize negative thoughts (reactions to bad things happening to me) and instead of letting them have their way with me, I can simply say, "Hello negative thought" I don't need you right now, and let it go

It took me lots of practice but it has saved me immense heartbreak and suffering -

Anyway, that is what works for me

Hope things turn around for you -

Laurie

 

[PoopyPTSD]

Hey there, know exactly how you feel. Then I hate myself because I hate myself and it's stupid to do that. Like a big circle.

 

[nay.elizabeth]

Hey there, know exactly how you feel. Then I hate myself because I hate myself and it's stupid to do...

Ugh, RIGHT?! I do this thing where I'm mad at myself then punish myself by overeating then hate myself more because I'm stupid. I'm glad I'm not the only emotional dork when ONE thing can send me down a spiral of self hate. PTSD is garbage. It needs to stop wrecking our lives.

 

[PoopyPTSD]

I know. I get these urges I wish I could cut it out of me..... Horrible I know. Sometimes it feels like a growth I can't get rid of. Like ivy crawling all over my face, lol lol lol