It Happened. Now What?

[zaniara]

I understand you're disappointed by your therapist response. (I would have been too.) But don't cancel your session when you need her, and when you're in this much distress. It's a bad place and hard to think clearly/in a balanced way when you're in it. You don't need to push her away, but can sort things out with her later- when you ser her again.

Good that you have some support, that the women from the center will call you. Take one minute at a time.. Be Gentle with you.

 

[mytai]

@zaniara It feels like I've been waiting months to have her respond to me like this. Like every other T. The only difference is that she is the first T I can email in between sessions. I wasn't trying to bother her. I just thought she might know of different resources that I didn't know about. I didn't think it was wrong to ask her that. Apparently it was.

It hurts that she responded that way. I feel like a pain in the a** to her now. I doubt she will respond to that, and just assume that I am coming in and we will deal with it then. I understand she is on holidays and needs a break from her clients so she can take care of herself. I'm not upset because she isn't providing me support right now, I wasn't even seeking her support because I didn't want to interrupt her holidays. I thought that by asking for resources that weren't her I could get through until the 3rd. Clearly it was a stupid thing to ask.

 

[Rumors]

Mytai, can't imagine what the last few days have been like for you. I am really sorry that you have had to go through this especially without support of close family or friends to accompany you to the hospital. You certainly have a lot going on right now and clearly it is reasonable to feel the way you do about your therapist response especially when everything seems in such turmoil. I urge you to let some time go by and let the dust settle. You may feel differently about how all of this came down in a week or so.

I hate email because it takes away inflection and tone and often times meaning. There truly is no way to asses your therapists response without being face to face. When she said she was on holiday, she could be in France! Who knows, but I know from your previous posts that she has been caring and attentive. Give her the opportunity to reply face to face in an atmosphere that is more conducive to understanding tone and inflection. Even though she suggested resources you had already thought of, it is her job to identify those options as a source of continued support again. Her only other option would have been to say, "If you have tried those and opted out, I don't have any suggestions." I am not sure that would have been a supportive or productive statement. Sometimes restating the obvious makes it absorb in an all together different way.

I applaud your courage to seek medical attention. Wow! That is a huge step and I imagine very scary. Just know I am sending loads of support your way! I know this is an incredibly stressful time and I hope you will take the time needed to take good care of yourself. This, more than any other time, is an important time to reflect and try and make good choices. Eat well, hydrate, sleep well, exercise, and be nice to yourself. Hang in there!!! BREATHE!

 

[mytai]

Her only other option would have been to say, "If you have tried those and opted out, I don't have any suggestions."

It's not like I opted out of them. I attempted to use them, the rape crisis line wasn't helpful, made me feel stupid for wanting someone to accompany me, and the victims services just weren't answering the phone.

It's not like I was offered help and refused to take it. I didn't have any available resources that I knew of left after I tried those two.

 

[Rumors]

Understood. Poor choice of verbiage on my part hence the reason I hate emails. The intent was that you had utilized them and they were not an option at that time. Not singling you out as the source of why they didn't work.

 

[Echo]

@mytai, I also think I would have been disappointed with what your therapist said, or at least the way she said it. But as others have said, e-mail is such a cold medium without facial expressions and bodily gestures. I get the impression that maybe she was trying to be professional but perhaps failed to put in one or two empathetic lines that would have changed the tone. I know I've had times when communication has gone a bit awry with my therapist just when I was feeling so very raw and sensitive. It was never intended on either side and could be cleared up when we actually spoke about it. I'm sure, just as a woman, she'll have felt awful for you, and I guess, won't have had your fear of those services based on what your previous experiences were like. She probably saw no reason for them not to help you, which, thank goodness, they now have. I hope you will be able to build a better relationship with her after this. In a way, it is all part of learning to stick up for ourselves, to be able to say, I didn't like how you spoke to me, etc., which I know I find terribly hard to do after my experiences of abuse. I am so glad you have someone calling you this evening. It is such a hard time of year for this to have happened to you, aside from the awfulness of the events themselves.

 

[digger]

They have a crisis team through the police that might be available to come out. Otherwise, see if a friend can go with you to the emergency."

I know neither of these were options for you, but they were alternatives that were different from the crisis line you had tried, which is what you asked her - perhaps she thought these might be helpful?

It is so hard to read a person's intentions via text sometimes. She may have been in the middle of something important but really wanted to reply to you but had to in a hurry, or unable to give it her full attention. She could have been out with family/friends doing holiday stuff and have had a few drinks. These are all possibilities and there will be more.

I do understand why you're upset by her response and why you've read it the way you have, but she has so far proved time and again to be a good match for you so don't be too quick to give up on her xx

 

[mytai]

@Echo, so I may need to wait until I'm a little less "in" it to make a decision about whether or not to cancel all my therapy appointments. I feel very sensitive to people rejecting me, or being annoyed with me. I've been denied help so often in these situations that being talked to like that makes me feel like I'm an annoyance or bothering her (whether or not that was her intended tone).

I'm crashing hard today. It's almost 2pm here, still another 2 hours to go at work before I can go home and sleep until the lady calls me from the sexual assault centre. No appetite since taking the plan B pills this morning at the hospital, I tried to quickly chase it with a plain bagel to help with any upset.

 

[digger]

I would say just be as gentle with yourself as you can be right now @mytai and don't make any major decisions about anything until you feel more settled.

 

[mytai]

@digger1, Ok so I need to cut her some slack. Judging everything through my emotions right now. (that is not intended to sound snarky or sarcastic).

 

[digger]

Judging everything through my emotions right now.

I think anyone in your position would be right now.

 

[Echo]

@mytai, I'm so sorry you're still at work. It really is a torture for you at the moment, but, even if you don't feel it, you are doing so well and being immensely strong. You will look back and feel so proud of yourself for what you're doing. Perhaps you can talk it through with your therapist and make a judgment then. Hopefully things will be smoothed out between you, but it will be your choice if it doesn't seem right after that. I hope it will feel ok because you have done some work together and it is so difficult to keep having to tell new people about what's happened to you. It will hopefully be such a relief for you to get home and be able to talk to the woman who is ringing you. I hope you'll be able to have a bit of time off work now, too, so you can gather yourself. No-one at work needs to know what has happened; I hope your doctor/physician can give you a general, vague sick note for a few days. You are under such strain. Please don't criticise yourself for feeling upset, sensitive or anything like that. If you're not entitled to be like that now, then when?! It is all the nightmare of what's been done to you and your very natural response. I will keep you in my thoughts, and send you lots of light xx

 

[mytai]

This probably sounds really backwards, especially considering everything I've just gone through - and also not wanting to be touched really. But I am in another internal battle, I'm not typically a super touchy person (I don't seek it out unless I really trust someone, and that's not often, but I also don't shove people away, I'm not so obvious about it), but I am craving for someone to hug me, or to have safe touch right now but also I don't want to be touch because I feel disgusting and raw.

Right now I've booked myself in for a massage on the 3rd. If I could get in earlier I would. Again it sounds backwards to want someone to touch me, but it's safe touch, and sometimes getting a massage can trigger an emotional release. I feel like that might keep me sane-ish. I really need a real hug right now.