Relationship It Is That Time Of Year Again......anyone? Anniversary Dates

[Amack]

Well, its that time again....Anniversary dates. My sufferers are this time of year.....~hellaHOLIDAYS~ oh yeah. I know they are for many. It sucks the life :inpain:right outta this holiday lover. We manage a bit better these days but with the past 5 years of full blown episodes I am unnerved. It is like watching a storm within him. My sufferer is a first responder with complex PTSD so it is always there... always right on the surface. Even with out the holiday anniversaries:arghh; its tough. But the Holidays bring a special kinda devil:devilish: for my sufferer. First it is the hyper vigilance, then moves to the deep dark depression which then evolves to full avoidance and anger....BUT, this year is beginning different. My sufferer is aware. He acknowledged the first two phases and so far they have been mild comparatively speaking....THAT is PROGRESS!! :D:Dthat IS PROGRESS my friend:tup:. This brings me to my point. Celebrate the SMALL (no victory is small) victories!! Not only their victories but yours too supporter. When you apply deescalation techniques and you set boundaries and stick to them......CELEBRATE.:hug:HUG yourself. We have to be healthy to help them. Give yourself grace.....We live a complicated messy life and it is so easy to get sucked in an pulled down but we stay strong by giving ourselves time and grace. Not many understand us that is why I am SO thankful for this site it is like meeting friends who GET YOU~that is priceless!!!

So, when all my ~hellaHOLIDAY~ friends set out this season celebrate the small not so small. Whether it is you and your kids celebrating AGAIN ALONE, or you are attending yet another holiday ALONE while all the sneers and usual eyerolls occur REMEMBER this!!! (something I stoled) LIVE LOVED!! because you are!!
simple statement but so powerful~ LIVE LOVED

Hope someone is encouraged by this and can put one foot in front of the other and keep keeping on!!

WE GOT THIS:tup:

 

[Gs172003]

I hate the entire period after Thanksgiving to new years. After that im ok. Dunno why.

 

[Sweetpea76]

My vet has a lot of trauma anniversaries specific to the holidays in top of all the holiday stress... the insurgents ramped things up during our holidays. Now the mood starts in at the end of October and cruises through New Years. Merry f*cking Christmas y'all.

 

[Gs172003]

My vet has a lot of trauma anniversaries specific to the holidays in top of all the holiday stress.....

Im sorry. Maybe do something else. Like...go camping or something not so freaking "christmasy". I like being with just my husband and just my kids

 

[Forgetful]

Nicely written @Amack. I tend to stay out of the supporter section but I saw this as a featured thread. I rarely think about the hell I must cause my supporter, especially this time of year! I avoid almost all holiday get together. Its the happy, jolly, ain't life grand people I can't stand ( truthfully its all people, anytime, anywhere ). But with the hustle, bustle and stress I don't find any pleasure of the holidays. Hubby loves it all though, so he goes alone.

I'm interested in the deescalation techniques you mentioned. What are they? How do they work? So as not to derail this thread, can you PM me?

 

[Gs172003]

Nicely written @Amack. I tend to stay out of the supporter section but I saw this as a...

I'd like to know too

 

[hodge]

I'd like to hear about the deescalation techniques, too, @Amack.

I have lots of anniversaries, pretty much through the whole year. Spring is basically the only season without any.

 

[Sighs]

Yep. We start to roll downhill from about the end of Oct (lead up to Remembrance Day on 11/11) and the shit show continues through Christmas, to Australia Day on 26 of Jan.

There may (fingers crossed) be a small moment of equilibrium before things get REALLY ugly in the lead up to Anzac Day on 24 April.

Another blip of calm before some serious trauma anniversaries in June and July.

Then we can breathe momentarily til Oct and we start from the beginning again.

Sigh!

 

[Sweetpea76]

I have kids in the house, so I don't limit their holiday because of my vet. He understands and does some "faking" for them, which I appreciate. He gets a pass on social and family gatherings outside the household though. I wouldn't put him through that stress.

We have some some private getaways after the holidays for our own "celebration" after the fact. That makes up for some of the bad mood during the actual holidays.

I've also decided that if he doesn't like my decorations or general holiday spirit, he can go suck an egg. I have compassion for his situation, but it doesn't get to put a damper on me.

 

[Amack]

Thanks guys! and yes I am all about sharing what I have learned through my time (IF I am allowed to, I am not therapist). I worked with my sufferers therapist on my own scheduled time to find ways to help, after, I had thoroughly researched and with her guidance had an understanding of CPTSD.... I fail ALL the time...just so you know!!! probably more oft than not. So, don't be discouraged just get up and try again. My sufferer helps a lot in the fact he is willing to learn and wants to get help.

Deescalation is simply what it sounds like: the therapist version of definition is this.....(to a degree)

-Verbal De-Escalation: Non-physical skills used to prevent a potentially dangerous situation from escalating into a physical confrontation or injury.
-Physical De-Escalation: Using non-verbal methods to control the dangerous situation to prevent injury
Therapeutic Holds
Medications
Physical Restraint

I was referring to the verbal side.....We as supporters can greatly decrease or increase the situation. What I have learned are some techniques that when applied WORK....!!!! but it is so hard when emotions come to play SO it is not easy..... These are the Verbal deescalation areas:
Consists of three areas:

1. Control of Self

2. Physical Stance

3. De-Escalation Discussion

Control of self:
Appear calm and self-assured
Use a modulated and low tone of voice
Do not be defensive or try to argue with the (spouse,friend,etc...) even in the face of insults
Know your resources available for further help. You have the choice to leave, tell the (spouse,friend,etc...) to leave or call police.
Always be respectful


Discussion techniques:
Provide choices whenever possible
Emphasize with feelings, but not negative behavior
Do not argue
Suggest alternative behaviors
Give consequences of inappropriate behavior without threat or anger
Trust your instincts

Physical stance to me is obvious, don't be in a defensive body posture. These are all very technical terms but each person could definitely expand to their own situation and (spouse,friend,etc...) If nothing else THINK of all the times that an argument has escalated to a very ugly degree we probably violated one of these areas..... I have often read on here that anger and aggressive behavior is being blamed on PTSD but I do not necessarily agree that violence is......SO, know the difference. I do not have PTSD and in my own skin can be quit confrontational and won't back down but, I have learned quickly with my CPTSD spouse this part of me simply does NO GOOD.....A LARGE understanding of PTSD is needed.....(side note) NO I am NOT condoning bad behavior.......I think my other posts have expansively suggested I do not. But as a supporter learning an growing I SEE MY PART.......
I HOPE this helps somewhat........there is a whole part to this that the sufferer needs to be aware of to take control too that I left out.......

Live LOVED!!!! friends IT IS ALL a JOURNEY~