Undiagnosed It Lies Beneath

[Aarow]

I've been searching for about a month for somewhere that feels like home. Pretty sure this is the place, so I hope to find some friends, some peace. Have learned a little about ptsd, but don't have a therapist yet.

I didn't realize this site was for ptsd in general, so not sure if my situation will be welcomed. I've been married to a sex addict for 33 years. It is coming to light that partners of sex addicts who are lumped in as the co-addict end up re-traumatized in 12step groups and therapy. (This did happen to me, again and again while in marital counseling. Made crazier by trying to get well.) Partners of sex addicts exhibit most or all of ptsd symptoms. I have most but not all symptoms.

I am also the product of an alcoholic and the woman who hated him. All kinds mental health in that little cesspool. Sometimes, though, love, despite it all.

So that's me. Hello. Is it okay if I join this forum?

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hi and welcome x of course it's k to join , we welcome everyone who can offer support and friendship to each other X it's definately like A family here your most welcome and I hope u recieve support here X I'm confident that you will X everyone's traumas are different and everyone is respectable to each other's sufferings, past and present , I'm sorry to hear some of you issues and wish you all the best on your journey X

 

[Aarow]

ok. Thank you. I'll write more when I stop crying. Niceness always does that to me. Cut it out.

 

[Aarow]

Hi and welcome x of course it's k to join , we welcome everyone who can offer support and frien...

Thanks again, Namenotdiagnosis. I wish you the best as well, and appreciate your reaching out to say hello. It has been a long haul to find somewhere like this! I'm so relieved it is here.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums.

Partners of sex addicts exhibit most or all of ptsd symptoms. I have most but not all symptoms.

PTSD shares symptoms with over a dozen anxiety & trauma related disorders & conditions. You would be doing yourself a great disservice to assume/treat for PTSD when your symptoms could very easily be one of many other disorders... As the treatment & expectations for each disorder are very different. Sometimes treatments are similar, but often times the best treatments are polar opposites ...for the same symptom... In 2 different disorders. People can, and do, not only waste years treating the wrong disorder, but actually make their own symptoms worse/harder to manage. Yes. Proper diagnosis is a pain in the ass. It's also really, really important.

If you do have PTSD? It won't be because you were married to a sex addict & had a difficult time in 12-step groups. Those things can both cause serious problems all on their own (one of the over a dozen related disorders), much less in conjunction with other comorbid issues or disorders (like pre existing GAD, or major depression, etc.).

If you do have PTSD? It would be due to his raping &/or sexually assaulting you, being the victim of DV... or not involve him whatsoever except as a trigger... And be from past Criterion A events:

(Taken from the DSMV)

A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s),
2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others,
3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent and accidental.
4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

Note: Criterion A4 does not apply to exposure to electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless the exposure is work related.

 

[Aarow]

Welcome to the forums.



PTSD shares symptoms with over a dozen anxiety & trauma related disorders...

I have only just started my journey into this, so I am not positive it is PTSD. Although, after treating me for my childhood scars from an alcoholic family, my therapist told me it was a possibility over 25 years ago. I grew up terrified. My father was physically and emotionally abusive to my mother. My mother used to bait him constantly. It was especially bad in my early years. I did witness my mother's beatings. And what I didn't see she would relate to me. In fact talking about what a bastard my father was entertained my extended family for years.Detail by sordid detail. I was very young to be hearing these things.

As far as therapists treating wives for sexually addicted behavior that causes them to be sick.....this is therapy in its infancy. And these women DO experience trauma. I am not equipped to say much more than that, I guess you would have to do your own research. Because right now i'm frozen. I asked it it was ok to join this forum. If you want me to leave just let me know. Anyway, all you have to do is type in ptsd and partners of sexual addiction.

 

[Rosewater]

Hi and welcome @Aarow.

I don't think anyone was saying you should leave. Please don't.

People are careful to be supportive here & that was how FridayJones' post seemed to me. Hope you find some useful stuff on these forums.

 

[Aarow]

Sorry. Too many thoughts whirling around. When my therapist mentioned this to me, it was right before like the 19th move in my life. I thought "It wasn't a war zone." But to a little kid, it FELT like: someone is going to get killed. Everyone is going to get killed. We are going to starve. We will end up with strangers. This is just going to keep happening. I started thinking about suicide when I was eight.

 

[Rosewater]

No need to apologise :)

Lots of us have childhood wounds that are playing a part in our current difficulties. It's hard work sometimes *sigh*

 

[Aarow]

Much pacing, cigarette smoked, doing ok. I think I realize that FridayJones was only trying to be helpful.

Therapists and other professionals see that partners of sex addicts are exhibiting symptoms of PTSD. That is all I know.

In my case, I am in a relationship that didn't cause my emotional problems. But those problems sure did get bigger and more interesting.

I just looked at the, now I forgot the name of it--DSMV? Where it shows the criteria for PTSD. I'm not a doctor or therapist but I am all over that page. Maybe I am reading it wrong, though. I don't want to intrude here if I am misunderstanding something.

 

[Rosewater]

i think all it boils down to is that it's best to get a specific diagnosis of your condition, so you can get the most appropriate treatment.

Whether or not it's PTSD isn't the main issue, just that you get the best support you can.

 

[Aarow]

It is time to bite the bullet and go to counseling. It is hard for me to trust that process. We were in marriage counseling for years. I was spilling my guts, my husband did not/could not be honest. So I would leave sessions feeling totally exposed and vulnerable. The therapist did not understand I was dealing with a husband who was a lying, controlling, manipulating, narcissistic guy. It did lead to one episode of domestic violence. I think what I experienced what you call here 'triggering'. I thought I was crazy, it felt like I was drowning. But the face that he wore to the world was a whole other person. So, I don't have a lot of trust in therapists. Or a lot of trust in myself. He is recovering now, very dedicated to the process. And that recovery has led me to searching for a place like this forum, for myself