It's A Long Time Coming, But Hello

[adjsl323]

Hey guys.

I was directed here from the sister site for PTSD, and I'm definitely thinking that I can find some help and support from people here as well as from them. I was a victim of childhood rape between the ages of 6-10, and I believe it to be a case of mistaken identity, for my uncle was later charged with raping my (female) cousin - his daughter - and imprisoned for a certain period of time. However, this memory was originally repressed, and I have only recently been able to identify what happened during the "blackout" in my past. And it's explained a lot.

Unfortunately, it might be a bit too late in explaining my situation and why I act the way I do to my boyfriend. Because of my gradual realisation that something was wrong, and a lot of unconscious messages which I paid no attention to, our fights have been getting to the stage where I fear that our relationship is getting close to the end, so I am here largely to gain support and advice on my relationship and if there are any ways in which I can help save it. And I'm also just looking for ways to come to terms with the entire situation as well.

Thanks, if anyone has any advice!

 

[Nyx]

Hi and welcome.

It's a tough situation you have on your hands, but I would say it's worth a try explaining to your boyfriend what happened. Maybe even direct him here, to the forum, to have a read and better understand what sexual abuse does to a person.

Have you been together a long time?

 

[adjsl323]

Hey Nyx, and thank you for the welcome :)

I'm tentatively trying to build up an explanation for him - he knows most of it as to what happened, but he doesn't know the graphic details which, I think, he might value more (he's a very pragmatic individual). But he does understand how bad it is.

We have been together nearly 4 years, and of those years, only the past 6 months have we been aware of what has actually happened, and in the last week I have only discovered the really bad flashbacks and such like regarding it. In fact, this is the worst it's been, both in flashbacks/symptoms and in my relationship.

 

[Nyx]

It gets worse before it gets better. Now that you are aware of certain things they become acute. But with time and work they get better. Fact is he's going to need a lot of patience...

 

[adjsl323]

Definitely - I think I will too, because my immediate reaction to times of stress isn't exactly anything patient, so we're going to both need to be patient with each other. I'm hoping that my counselling sessions will help, especially as my counsellor has suggested he comes along to one in the future to really be able to better understand the situation and learn how best to help, too.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello :wave:

Welcome to the forum.

I hope you find a way to work things out with your boyfriend, and that counselling helps you both.

It's a long and rocky road, but I'm sure you will get support here to help you both on your way.

Regards
CB

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to the Forum, Lindtoholic!

I am glad that both you and your boyfriend both have awareness of what you had to endure and that you are talking. That is a great start! I have the feeling that that is a sign of a strong relationship between the two of you. Counseling will definitely help open and continue a dialogue between you two.

I understand the impatience that you describe. In my case it comes across as irritability. To calm down I have developed significant "strange" behaviors (e.g. flapping, spinning) and then people stare even longer. So I have withdrawn from people, which was not a good idea. Because trying to re-imerse myself in life becomes more and more difficult over time, I definitely regret it.

Take care!

 

[adjsl323]

Thank you, Nomad!

Our relationship certainly has seen many rough times, but I think it is safe for me to say that because of the number of issues, and the fact that we have made it through them, our relationship is one of the stronger ones for our age. I am not entirely sure where I would be if it hadn't been for him at times, and I know it is bad to say that you "need" someone, but although I'm disinclined to use such a word for our relationship, it certainly has made things easier knowing he is there for me. It's horrible, and I know it's wrong at times to take things out on him whether I intend to or not, but I can't help but think that we're going to get through this. Even if I do worry a lot and want some help to ensure this.

I just can't cope with it too well right now, truth be told! But I will see what counselling brings. Sadly I missed my appointment yesterday as I came down with a very bad cold, but I have another booked for Monday which should be more than okay for me to make. :) fingers crossed!