It's Even Hard To Type This

[Afice]

I don't know what exactly I want to say. I've been in therapy for over a year and it's something, but I sometimes feel I'm in the same place. This week has been really hard with life stressors, and it brings up everything right to my edge.

I often feel this sense of "on the verge" and it usually comes with a strong desire to put my hand through a window. I don't; I do a sport that's very hand-strength related and I can't imagine being immobile and weak while recovering. At this verge I obsess about the things I'm not saying.

I think I experienced CSA. I think this because of my body and the way it feels/remembers things especially when I am losing it emotionally/psychologically. A few other factors and feelings too, but mainly my body. No memories, no images. I can't really talk about this with anyone because if I didn't experience it and I thought this... I think that's innately wrong. So many people experienced CSA and it hurts them, to believe I have, without proof, is to take away from their real situations, pain, etc. I've only had this conversation with one friend. It's something I think about a lot. I don't know what to do with it.

 

[Aruse]

Bring this question up in therapy.

You're not invalidating anyone else's story even if it turns out that you didn't experience CSA. And its very common not to remember. A lot of these memories stay buried until you're ready to see them.

Lack of ability to remember doesn't imply it did or didn't happen. It's a question.

 

[Memac]

and you could always talk to your therapist and see if there is anything they can use to show you the improvement that you have made. I was talking to my therapist at my last appointment and the score of the questionnaire that they have me fill out everytime is still in the moderate category is lower than it was several months ago.