LizardViolet
Silver Member
You know that saying, April is the cruelest month? Well, for my sufferer, it looks like the cruelest month is July.
We had a couple of weeks of separation after his birthday in mid-June, in part because his behavior was over the line, and in part because I was feeling especially vulnerable and wasn't able to shake it off. We came back together for a couple of days, but the second time we hung out was very, very stressful for me. Still, there were a couple of positive moments and I came through the day feeling optimistic.
I went over there last night to spend the evening. I arrived early, which is always good (tardiness is a trigger for him), and I sat in my car for a moment playing a game on my phone to chill out a little after being in traffic. This is something I've gotten into the habit of doing, not just when I arrive at his place but when I arrive almost anywhere. He was walking the dog and saw my car and came over and said something (which I didn't hear as the window was closed). I got out, caught up to him and walked a little of the way with them. He reacted strongly to the fact that I hadn't immediately called him when I arrived (which is the usual drill), and that I WAS PLAYING SUDOKU AND THAT IS SO STUPID. He couldn't hear me when I told him it was to chill out for a moment after being in traffic. And he sent me home!
I was mad at first, but then I just had to laugh. It was so utterly ridiculous. And then I realized that in the almost five years I have known him, he has melted down during at least two other Julys, maybe three. Completely out of the blue. During one of those times, I broke up with him and didn't speak to him for a month. The other time, I just took a couple of weeks break.
I sent him an email noting the pattern and letting him know that I'll be here when he gets out of whatever fog his brain is in in July. I pointed out that I do not criticize the things he does to relieve stress, not to mention that playing a numbers game does not cause liver damage or paranoia (unlike drinking or smoking pot, his chill methods of choice).
Someone very close to him was killed in the middle of July, before I met him. I also wonder whether maybe his combat experiences occurred in July, or if there are some other horrible memories connected to July.
His wife left him in early August, thirteen years ago. My husband observed that if my boyfriend is a horrible freakazoid during July, and that was the case while he was married, then the timing of the end of his marriage makes sense.
I have been very reactive for the past month, having trouble finding my calm center and connecting with my compassion and detachment. Seeing this pattern has put me right there where I need to be, though.
We had a couple of weeks of separation after his birthday in mid-June, in part because his behavior was over the line, and in part because I was feeling especially vulnerable and wasn't able to shake it off. We came back together for a couple of days, but the second time we hung out was very, very stressful for me. Still, there were a couple of positive moments and I came through the day feeling optimistic.
I went over there last night to spend the evening. I arrived early, which is always good (tardiness is a trigger for him), and I sat in my car for a moment playing a game on my phone to chill out a little after being in traffic. This is something I've gotten into the habit of doing, not just when I arrive at his place but when I arrive almost anywhere. He was walking the dog and saw my car and came over and said something (which I didn't hear as the window was closed). I got out, caught up to him and walked a little of the way with them. He reacted strongly to the fact that I hadn't immediately called him when I arrived (which is the usual drill), and that I WAS PLAYING SUDOKU AND THAT IS SO STUPID. He couldn't hear me when I told him it was to chill out for a moment after being in traffic. And he sent me home!
I was mad at first, but then I just had to laugh. It was so utterly ridiculous. And then I realized that in the almost five years I have known him, he has melted down during at least two other Julys, maybe three. Completely out of the blue. During one of those times, I broke up with him and didn't speak to him for a month. The other time, I just took a couple of weeks break.
I sent him an email noting the pattern and letting him know that I'll be here when he gets out of whatever fog his brain is in in July. I pointed out that I do not criticize the things he does to relieve stress, not to mention that playing a numbers game does not cause liver damage or paranoia (unlike drinking or smoking pot, his chill methods of choice).
Someone very close to him was killed in the middle of July, before I met him. I also wonder whether maybe his combat experiences occurred in July, or if there are some other horrible memories connected to July.
His wife left him in early August, thirteen years ago. My husband observed that if my boyfriend is a horrible freakazoid during July, and that was the case while he was married, then the timing of the end of his marriage makes sense.
I have been very reactive for the past month, having trouble finding my calm center and connecting with my compassion and detachment. Seeing this pattern has put me right there where I need to be, though.
