It's Not Happening Now...

[KwanYingirl]

When I'm in therapy and get a flashback, I hear my therapist but he sounds like he's in a bell jar. Obviously, he is trying to help me out. What does it help when he says "it's not happening now"? What do I do with that? I'm sorry, but it IS happening. My body is replicating, without my permission, every sensory reaction. If only I could just throw up and be done with it, it might reduce my distress. I don't know why, but being told "it isn't happening now" is not convincing. What do you think he's trying to accomplish by saying that?

 

[Ellabella44]

maybe a better thing for him to say is what my t tells me, you are here in my office and safe. I think hes maybe trying to say something that to him sounds reassuring that you are safe. maybe tell him that makes you feel unsafe to hear him say that its not happening, because to you it still is and you cant stop it.

 

[ghotiff]

With my flashbacks I can get lost with time in the sense that the emotion is real, but the event that the emotion is caused from comes from the past and this is "not happening now".

From what you posted you do not get lost in time, you know it's a flashback and you know the event is not happening now. But, the flashback IS happening now.

I can see how the phrase may feel invalidating if the flashback. What would you rather your T say?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes, I like that better. I will talk to him about it. I was supposed to email him last night. I had a severe flashback and I'm still hungover from it. Reassuring me that I'm safe makes more sense. Thank you @Ellabella44

 

[KwanYingirl]

@ghotiff i just want to stop having flashbacks. Just stop it. Enough is enough. I spend too much time recovering from them. And all my efforts to ground myself fly out the window when I collapse.

 

[Joan]

I am so sorry that you are suffering. One thing that I have discovered is the more I have fought against and been frustrated at flashbacks...the more I had and the more miserable I was. A therapist (who also suffers from PTSD and fb) encouraged me to accept that they happen, I cannot control that and there are moments between the fb that I have moments of enjoyment. This seemed so foreign and counter to how I felt...yet after time I tried this approach. I still have flashbacks, at times they still make me really angry, but for the most part I do not fight them, or blame myself...I try to focus more on the time not affected by them. Not sure if that helps you or not. Try to advocate for yourself to your therapist and figure out what would be more helpful or validating for you. Take care of yourself

 

[Chava]

Agree with letting your therapist know it's not helpful, or thinking of what might be more helpful. And if you're not sure maybe he has other ideas. My therapist does do the stuff of encouraging me to look around and see where I'm at, or she asks me where I am, or who she is. So not directly saying I'm not really experiencing what I'm experiencing, but trying to ground me anyway. In your body, it IS happening. The goal would be to resolve it differently, right??? It's been helpful when she holds my feet against the floor and encourages me to notice that. I can look around and my eyes aren't seeing anything, so more tangible grounding stuff seems to help a little better.

 

[KwanYingirl]

It was a flashback to a potentially triggering event and I don't want to uncork anyone. Anyone that wants the content can PM me

 

[FindingMyself88]

Im Sorry, I know that is hard. Flashbacks suck! For me, my T says "It's ok, I am here with you. You are safe, with me in my office. I'm here." by constantly reinforcing that she is there, it really helps me to know I am safe and that I'm not back in that bedroom.. If its a really bad one she will also put the eucalyptus oil I love so much in front of my nose for me to smell if I can't do it myself and she will ask if it's ok to grab my hand... all things to give me a sense of the moment.

Maybe come up with a plan with your T when the flashbacks happen. What he can do or say to help you..

 

[zeckster81]

My counselor states, "what you are experiencing now is a memory from your past, it's 2015 and we are in my office. I'm Judd your counselor." He will say do you feel the chair under you. Feel the arm of the chair. Pick up the frozen orange etc. Sometimes if it's really bad he will snap his fingers loudly.

 

[joeylittle]

@KwanYingirl, just echoing what others have said; my therapist uses this concept, but much, much more specifically. I definitely forget "when" I am, and nearly always am in the past. So, my T will say "This is 2015, you are in my office, my name is (xxx), what you are seeing is not real. It's January, the sun is bright...." and other descriptors.

Definitely just tell him. What he's doing is a pretty common technique, and it might prove useful for you, but he needs to structure it more clearly in order to not invalidate your experience but also bring you into your present moment and present body.

 

[Hope4Now]

I get it. On Monday, when I was really mixed up (not really in flashback but maybe), my therapist was doing a grounding thing with me and asked me to look around the room slowly and find some objects to focus on. I did that, but I still was really flipped out in my own subtle way. Did not feel safe at all. Couldn't tell him that either. Part of me sort of knows where I am, but I hardly ever really feel like it's okay. I think maybe we just need to somehow remember if we can, after the flashback or whatever is going on, that our therapists are working really hard to help us feel safe, and to remember what they said (and their tone of voice, and their just being there for us, and that this is part of the healing process and rewiring our brains) and try to encourage the triggered parts of ourselves to see that that person IS really safe, and so are we, and that it is a different time and that we're not really in danger anymore.