Relationship It's over...

[lonelyheart83]

so i feel like my relationship with my iraq combat vet boyfriend is over. he suffers from ptsd and has been pushing me away A LOT! and now it's to the point where i feel like he is gone permanently. lately we don't even talk or text or anything. when he does talk to me, we argue. he accuses me of things, acts paranoid like i'm hiding something from him, like i'm out to get him, like i can't be trusted, everything. the things i say are never right. i am always wrong. i always "talk over him"...but yet i never talk over him, it's actually HIM who talks over me. he never lets me speak. and when i can get a word in, he jumps all over me. he has been distant for quite some time, but now he's actually mean to me. and he was never like that before. as the days go by, he is more and more distant. i feel him slipping further and further away from me. the last time we talked, he kept saying that he knows i'm going to break up with him and he wants me to just do it already. i told him that i love him and that i don't want to break up. then he told me that he will eventually push me to the point where he MAKES me break up with him, saying that he WANTED me to end things. so i feel like that's what he's doing now. he just went ghost on me and doesn't communicate with me at all. it's like he hates me and wants nothing to do with me at all. it hurts so bad. i don't understand why he is hurting me like this. it feels like he doesn't love me at all, but it's to the point where he acts like he doesn't even LIKE me anymore. i am so in love with him but it's like the more i love him, the more he pushes me away. it's like he's disgusted by me. so it makes me feel like maybe he wants to break up with me but doesn't want to be the bad guy, so his plan is to force me to end things so he doesn't have blood on his hands. i don't know what to think anymore. but it hurts so bad. this man was OBSESSED with me!! how do you go from being in love and obsessed with someone to literally not even wanting to hear their voice or even miss them at all. i feel like, if he ever thought of me or missed me or anything....wouldn't he just reach out and call me or see me or text me?? so i take that as....he must not miss me or think of me. and that hurts more than anything. i really feel like he is my soulmate. i am so in love with him and have been since the day i met him. it was instant. we had a bond that i thought nothing could ever break. we were like each others missing pieces. and now....i never thought things would be like they are now. with us not even speaking, with us fighting and bickering, with us being so distant. it makes me sick. and the thing that hurts the most is that i can't do anything about it. i have begged him, cried to him, everything....and he doesn't care. i feel like maybe this time it's really over and he's gone for good. all i can do now is just tell myself that he will be back and wait for him. the most heartbreaking day will be when the day comes where i have to finally admit to myself that he isn't coming back this time and that he's gone forever. that it really is over. i just don't want that day to ever come.

 

[Snowflakes]

@lonelyheart83 I have read all your past posts and replies so I have nothing to add except that I understand your pain. In this forum here none of us walk alone. Take care

 

[7n5corp]

Why would you want to wait for him to see if he'll come around? Anyone who is interested & wants to continue a relationship will make their intentions known.

On the other hand, as a person suffering from CPTSD I can tell you that during extended periods of disassociation and/or hypervigilence we push EVERYONE and EVERYTHING out of our lives and we do not do it kindly. It is difficult enough for us to manage ourselves, taking care of or caring for another person during this period proves far too difficult considering what's going on in our minds; we become fixated on the experiences that caused our ptsd and that's about all we can manage to focus on. I am sorry to say that your happiness and comfort is the last thing he is worried about right now, his mind in turmoil dealing with the pain he feels. The best way I can describe it is if he had a broken bone, fixing his limb would be his sole focus. He is trying to put the broken pieces back together.

Unfortunately, although you may not be doing anything out of the ordinary, your presence may overstimulating and intensifying his symptoms. Whatever the reason, because of the pain it's causing, he is doing whatever is necessary to rid himself of the discomfort (thus why he is pushing you away on purpose). It's not his fault feels this way, it's a symptom of the injury.

He needs someone there for him but not smothering him during this period. Crying, begging, being accusatory and pleading will not only further damage your relationship it will also intensify his anxiety and distrust. Give him time & allow him to work through his feelings while offering him emotional support, love and encouragement (even if from a distance).

If you both love one another your relationship will stand the test of this terrible period.

 

[Linzee]

@lonelyheart83 I can hear in your words how painful this is for you. I'm a supporter currently processing what I'm assuming is the end of my relationship too. My "guy friend" always had regular long periods of disassociation and shut outs but it feels more permanent this time. Not sure what changed apart from naturally getting well beyond honey moon period to a point where serious relationship territory was looming. We both felt things were at a crossroads and that there was something strong enough on both sides but didn't confront the issue. He simply ceased all communication one day, so I had to accept that and make a decision to also stop.

It does get easier to let go and feel a bit better each day, but its a painfully slow process. The tears have stopped now and every time my phone beeps I don't rush to check it thinking its him only to be disappointed. My focus at work is a lot more stable, I don't have to run to the bathroom to compose myself if I start replaying everything and get upset. Just wish he was still not the first and last thing I think about before waking up and going to sleep. But that will take longer.

Its a process we will get through and necessary for our own healing. Don't fight against it, you've tried all you can I'm sure. I wouldn't put your life on hold waiting either, you will be a shell of a person if you sacrifice yourself this way. No good for either of you.

I'm keeping a little window in my heart open a jar, because I'll always care. But I never ever want to have to fight so hard and feel so stressed and ill just to convince someone of my love and trust etc... whilst I tread water to keep them afloat and my needs are not met when I'm drowning myself. (Think back to final scenes in Titanic, Rose and Jack just to illustrate the point).

Hope that helps, unfortunately I understand only too well.