It's Too Much For Him

[Mosaic]

I've always been really proud of myself as a person, I haven't done lots of wonderful things, I don't think I'm some sort of Saint but I've always been clear, logical and level headed with a kind heart.
Since my second trauma in August ive lost myself almost completely. I went back to self harming, I had suicide attempts, I was a mess and unrecognisable.
I'm not as bad now as I was then but my attitude and moods can be appalling. I find it impossible to open up to my boyfriend yet expect him to know when something's wrong, I feel so angry and hurt when he doesn't do something that means a lot to me even though it's a stupid thing.
Most recently saturday night I was out on a work do (a VERY) daunting concept for me, I panicked for weeks leading up to it, my boyfriend went out seperately and when I asked him to come home he refused. I just went OFF! I was so so angry that he was so dismissive despite knowing it would be a hard night for me and promising he'd be home when I got back.
I was screaming, shouting, crying, I haven't been that bad in a long long time.
Usually it's little things I'll do like I'll be snappy or distant or moody but I've been working on it.
He's told me he cant carry on this way and we need to talk tonight but that he's not breaking up with me.
I know it's hard for him because I haven't been able to tell him exactly what happened to me for fear of upsetting him and noone can really understand fully what another person is going through but I'm so scared to lose him.
We've been together 4 years and been through so much, I dont know what to do because this is the first time I've been the problem and I feel like the worst person in the world.
Are there any people in relationships with someone who has PTSD who has been able to overcome this?

 

[Friday]

In my own experience... Once symptoms start to affect a relationship? It gets to the point where you either decide to trust your partner, or be prepared to walk (or have them do so).

 

[anthony]

Here's the problem... partners will only take so much. It's the #1 reason for male sufferers walking away from their spouses first, typically so they don't continue to hurt them, knowing, accepting, that they're taking them down with them at that given time.

By your own admission, you're pretty much stating you're a bitch to him, and thus worse when he doesn't jump to your needs and wants.

Don't misinterpret what I'm saying, and it isn't anything about being your fault. The facts of PTSD are very simple, linear, and don't change a great deal as a majority. Until you change, until you get you under control, then any relationship you're within has a significantly increased risk of failure, for nothing other than your mental illness. This isn't about blame, its just the facts of PTSD.

If the worst he's doing is staying out, away from you, to have some peace of mind for a while... to be quite honest, you're just making it worse by tearing into him to come home when he is out and relaxing, enjoying himself. I hate that nonsense from my own wife... he's an adult, remember that, and gets to make his own decisions. It doesn't seem to me that you're treating him as an adult, giving him the respect to make his own decisions.