Jealousy of my therapist's other patients

[bigflower90]

Dear guys,
I often read your words and I find a big support mirroring in your experiences. I'd like to have an advice about my therapy, that lasts from 3 years. After a lot of proof and difficulties, I have a very good relationship with my therapist and we have worked a lot. But I think that there is something unsolved and maybe unsolvable: I'm very jealous of the other patients of my therapist, I hate when he talks about other patients even remotely (he never talk about them), i feel jealous when i meet them (in rare cases). We talked about this in the past and he is always able to make me understand what is underlying these feelings. What sadness!!! Today he reported to me a thing told by an other patient (a thing about furniture) and I hoped to be younger and to be his daughter.
It's not only jealousy or a whim, I feel a big pain that is not so simple to deal with.
Thanks to everyone that will spend some words for me.
Mary

 

[Stephernovas]

I think being jealous when you get that intimate with someone is natural. When I worked with a personal trainer a few years back, I remember being exceptionally jealous when she spoke positively of another person's progress. She caught on and I told her that she was 'my trainer'. In part I was not there to hear her talk about anyone else, and if she was going to be encouraging anyone while I was present..it would be me.

When it comes to my therapist...perhaps it's the growth I have done since my experience with my trainer, but I am a huge believer in the whole thought that what makes a relationship healthy and functional is open communication and mutual respect, along with independence. What I mean by that is, yes I have a relationship with my therapist - even if it's a working relationship, BUT, I still have to respect that she has the right to have other clients as she needs to remain employed and this is her profession. If there should be any issues in that relationship, I expect we both open and honestly share with each other. I find it's most terrifying for people who haven't experienced such respect in a relationship, and meanwhile the therapist is comfortable with these healthy boundaries, the client's that struggle with this are the ones that need to learn and experience this proper way of being treated, and what to do with the emotions attached.

If I can offer any suggestion, it's to work on thinking of how much you enjoy the relationship, versus the individual (in this case, your therapist). This is the type of relationship you are supposed to be able/capable of having in your life with someone who genuinely wants to be there. Not saying your therapist doesn't, but once you stop paying him..he's not exactly going to call you up every week just for fun. This is his career, and your life.

 

[Emotional girl]

I feel the same way about my therapist and I know I shouldn't because after all he is in a caring profession and he has other clients other than just me.Normally he will walk me to the door and we will have a little chat and say goodbye but last time we met my session over ran so he went to walk me to the door and we bumped into his next client, part of me was jealous of her and all these thoughts about their therapeutic relationship went through my head.
I know why I feel like this and it is to do with my attachment towards him and my insecurities about myself and really I shouldn't be jealous at all because we have a great therapeutic relationship.
I would bring up how you are feeling again with him and maybe it might not be something that can be solved but you might get a better understanding of why you feel jealous and be able to manage the feelings better.

 

[bigflower90]

@Stephernovas thank you for your contribution...it is very wise and precious. Reading your answer I felt a bit selfish, but in a positive way and I completely agree with you! I'll try to follow your advice
@Emotional girl darling, thank you for sharing your experience! I feel guilty and ashamed too, but we can only try to face the problem talking about it.

 

[Justmehere]

and I hoped to be younger and to be his daughter.

That’s probably where the work lies - and in grieving you don’t have the father you’d like to have.

 

[Mach123]

This is the heart of the darkness in so many ways and I want to write about it and I started a couple times but deleted everything. Once I start trying to discuss it everything turns into something else. I think that's because these feelings look like they are about people and situations outside me but really they are about me and originate with me.