Sufferer Just Diagnosed

[turtlemoon]

I was literally just diagnosed with PTSD earlier this evening. I figured I should do what I can to find resources and break from my isolation tendancies. Working with a CBT psychologist, some of it is helpful, some of it isn't. Par for the course I guess.

I have no idea how long I have been living with this. My psych is not sure either, and don't suppose it matters much. I had a very abusive upbringing, probably just developed and got built up over time. Tried to help the most abusive of my parents some years back, let her move in with me for three years and I think having to relive a lot of the childhood trauma played out again (she remains abusive, possibly more so now) triggered a pretty bad spell for me that took over a year to finally shake. Then, just when life was getting good again, I was violently raped by someone I knew.

The assault is what prompted me to go to treatment. I haven't been the same since. Flashbacks of that and other trauma haunt my mind and my dreams. I have a hard time going outside, always jumpy and nervous, and can't deal with even the slightest amounts of anger. My current job involves dealing with lots of angry customers too. I havent been able to do it without coming crashing back down. I have done this lind of work for a decade, and done it well. It sucks, because it is a great company with great pay, but I don't think it is something I am capable of.

So, yeah. At least now I have an idea of what is happening to me in my mind. I remain hopeful that knowing the problem will help my psych and I resolve it. Here's to recovery.

 

[Ronin]

Welcome aboard, @turtlemoon :)

 

[heyheyhey]

Hi Turtlemoon (what an adorable name!). I'm so sorry for everything you've been through *sends massive virtual hugs*! I hope you find much support and understanding here with us :), and that you know you are not alone - we are here for whenever you need us.

That's cool that you're in CBT therapy :), I hope it helps you :). Are you using any other practices or therapeutic approaches? I've found a combo approach most helpful, and have found that balancing the intellectual approach with a body based approach very helpful. Have you heard of the book "The Body Keeps the Score", you'll probably here it mentioned a lot, it's written by a leading trauma researcher and it covers all the different trauma therapies in depth - so it's a great book to read to see what jumps out at you in terms of treatment, and gives a lot of ideas on how you can help progress with the disorder. He recommends incorporating working with the mind, with an approach that focuses on the body. I have found yoga, acupuncture, and Somatic Experiencing, all really helpful for me, in my own recovery from PTSD - each has research behind it, so I'd recommend taking a look at those too :).

Good luck with your treatment :), nice to have you here with us.

 

[heyheyhey]

Oh also, for Complex PTSD (based in childhood trauma), check out Pete Walker's book "C-PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving", it's great :)!

 

[intothelight]

@turtlemoon Welcome to the forum! :)

There is so much information here about treatment, tools, lifestyle changes, etc. that I hope you find something that will work for you and make your symptoms easier to manage. Just want to encourage you to continue treatment as PTSD can better, a lot better. Hope you find this site and the support helpful.

 

[ladee]

Many accolades to you for starting out your healing journey asking for support.
Support goes a very long way in helping during the bad times.

Then you also have a place to share progress and good days.

Very glad you are here!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Yes, it is crucial to have a support group and cheering squad.

Fantastic that you're being so proactive about it. You seem to have a strong head on your shoulders. Also the will to fight back and recognizing some of your own limitations. Took me a long time to figure those things out...even now I suck at maintaining them and fight my therapist when he tries to rein in.

Welcome aboard.

 

[turtlemoon]

Thank you so much everyone. This has been so difficult to talk about. My friends are super supportive, but you can only talk about stuff ao much before it feels like you are just dumping on them. They can only do so much and it never feels really fair to them to open up to much, and on the flip side of you don't always find yourself able to be social while dealing with symptoms that is upsetting to some people too. :/ Makes it that much better being able to have access to a resource like this, where people understand.

Thanks for all the book and resource suggestions, I will be looking into all of those today.

Strange as it is, it feels like something of a relief to have a diagnosis that makes sense. In the past I had been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and/or chronic depression, but the symptoms never seemed to fit quie right. The more I read about PTSD and CPTSD, the more it makes sense and clicks into place. Maybe knowing what it is now will help better manage it. Not that I am trying to cling to a diagnosis like a security blanket.

Thanks again for your warm welcome to the group. Means so much.