Just Divorced From Abusive Husband

[elfynity]

Hi! It has been a year since I have been separated from my physically, mentally abusive husband. I have been struggling to get my life back together, although I have mostly felt pretty good and relieved because I didn't think that I'd ever be able to get away from him! Today is an exciting day, because i just received confirmation that I am officially divorced. I have consequently met an incredible man, that is absolutely wonderful in every way, have the promise of a fantastic career and have love support and kindness everywhere I turn.

The problem is that over the past few months, my emotions have been what I'd call 'out of control'! And I actually got a real fright yesterday when I realised that it is not getting better, it is getting worse. I have started to feel like I am going crazy and am worried that I need to chase everyone I love away from me so that they don't have to endure this with me. My boyfriend said that he thinks that I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress - basically because my husband tried to kill and rape me on a number of occasions, among other things. I looked up PTSD and I am suffering from all of the symptoms: suicidal, feel I have no future left, very numb emotions, easily startled, angry for no reason and mood swings.

I'm here because I don't know how to fix this. I think I am supposed to deal with the things that happened to me, but I have buried the experiences and really don't feel comfortable to face them - it brings out fear and emotions in me that I don't like; and besides, I am having trouble remembering most of the stuff. Well, that is some of my story and the reason I am here!

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome elfynity.

Firstly, there is a difference between PTS and PTSD while the symptoms may be the same; one is curable and one is permanent. My advice to you is to immediately seek professional help so you know what you have as, let's hope, it is only PTS, you can heal your trauma and live a normal life whereas PTSD will always be disabling to some extent.

Your situation with your ex suggests that you may have one of the illnesses and the sooner you do something the better chance you have of a better result.

Take care and good luck.

 

[elfynity]

Hi Nicolette, thanks for getting back to me. I will be going to a professional soon about this. It is concerning that one is not curable! ouch!

 

[disconnect]

I wanted to say that it's amazing that you were able to leave your ex and file for a divorce. You have a lot of courage inside you. Welcome here!
D/x

 

[h2o]

Hi,
Well done for getting away from an abusive relationship, and happy to hear you have a good relationship with your new partner. I know how hard it can be to get away - I spent 8.5 years in an abusive relationship in which he also nearly killed me.

Seeking professional help is definitely the right thing to do. I too started feeling like I was going crazy and felt like I wasn't in control. When the onset of my CPTSD happened, I started to notice that I had no regulation at all over my moods, and my senses were really heightened to the point that sounds and smells would be really intense. I just felt really strange - very irritable and angry, and very distant from people.

I started getting flashbacks/nightmares and re-experiencing the pain in my body where he had physically attacked me before. I am still trying to figure this whole thing out so I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you, but the one thing which is really helping me through this is my quest for knowledge about this terrible thing. The more I learn about it, the better equipped I am to deal with the horrific symptoms.

Welcome to the forum,

h2o

 

[Suzanne]

Hi elfynity,

I applaud your courage and your journey. I can relate to it. I am not qualified to give any advice but I think the others are right that you should find a good therapist as soon as you can. I hope your symptoms are abating since your last posting. Like Nicolette, I hope that you have "PTS" rather than PTSD but only a professional can help you determine that. I too was a victim of what you describe. I was kidnapped, forced to marry and was a hostage for three years. I understand the symptoms you are describing very well. (Esp. the suicidal ideation and the feelings of having no hope for a good future.) I do know that many people recover and learn to manage this illness and I hope for you, that you will easily find all the tools you need. I can only reach out to you and say that you are not alone. I am with you in spirit.
Warmest wishes to you,
Suzanne