Just For Laughs

[cherryblossom]

Bill and his wife Blanche went to the state fair every year,

And every year Bill would say,


" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "


Blanche always replied,


" I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid,


and fifty quid is fifty quid! "


One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,


" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.


If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "


To this, Blanche replied,


" Bill that helicopter ride is £50, and £50 is £50"


The pilot overheard the couple and said,


" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!


But if you say one word it's fifty quid "


Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.


The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.


He did his daredevil tricks,


but still not a word...


When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,


" By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.


I'm impressed! "


Bill replied,


" Well, to tell you the truth


I almost said something when Blanche fell out,


but you know,


Fifty quid is fifty quid! "

 

[Lucycat]

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all the beer, then turned in the aluminium cans for recycling refund, you would have received a £214.00.Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it?

 

[Lucycat]

Judy Rudd an amateur genealogy researcher in southern Queenslands, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was related to , great-great uncle Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889. Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Melbourne Gaol.

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Melbourne Gaol 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Melbourne-Geelong train six times. Caught by Victoria Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Prime Minister Rudd for information about their great-great uncle. Remus Rudd:

Believe it or not, Kevin Rudd's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

"Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad.

Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad.

In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Victoria Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

NOW Thats how it's done, Folks!

That's real POLITICAL SPIN.

 

[Lucycat]

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[jadebear]

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[Deaf Global Nomad]

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[Deaf Global Nomad]

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[Nyx]

Ouch to that last one, DGN :)

 

[anndeb]

I need to rest awhile before we do that..

That could take the better part of the day.

 

[anndeb]

The husband comes home after a long day at work..

The wife thinks to herself, 'oh no! not him again!' It was so peaceful here without him.

 

[Lucycat]

Spare a thought for Michael O'Leary, Chief Executive of 'Ryanair' Arriving in a hotel in Dublin, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Euro please, Mr. O'Leary."

Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland"

"That is remarkable value" Michael comments

"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours - That will be 3 euro please."

O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.

"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 euro. - You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you a Euro."

"I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please"

Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".

"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of 4.00 euro for your seat sir"

O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 euro."

O'Leary was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".

"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 euro please." O'Leary's face was red with rage.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary,"

"I've had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"

"Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 cent per second"

"I will never use this bar again"

"OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints for one Euro".

 

[Lucycat]

Carnation Milk 65 Years Ago ...
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning With 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'

She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this! She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house.
A man got out and said, 'Carnation' LOVED your entry so much! We are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!'

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True story!!!