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Just For Laughs
- Post starter cherryblossom
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- #38
cherryblossom
VIP Member
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- #39
cherryblossom
VIP Member
The Aussie Version of Creation
In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach.....
And BBQs......
He created night for going prawning, sleepingand BBQs, and God saw that it was good.
On the Second Day, God created water....for surfing, swimming,
and BBQs on the beach, and God saw that it was good.
On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good..
On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans, chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQs, and God saw that it was good.
On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to make use of all these wondrous creations - go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQs, and God saw that it was good.
On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.
So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.
On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good .. ...
Well.... Almost good.....
He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good.....
It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!
IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!
In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach.....
And BBQs......
He created night for going prawning, sleepingand BBQs, and God saw that it was good.
On the Second Day, God created water....for surfing, swimming,
and BBQs on the beach, and God saw that it was good.
On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good..
On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans, chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQs, and God saw that it was good.
On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to make use of all these wondrous creations - go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQs, and God saw that it was good.
On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.
So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.
On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good .. ...
Well.... Almost good.....
He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good.....
It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!
IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!
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WonderingWhy
Diamond Member
What is "footy"?
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- #41
cherryblossom
VIP Member
Football, soccer. Used in the UK also.
WonderingWhy
Diamond Member
Got it, Thank You. Sorry I thought I deleted it quick enough.:oops: I googled it. I guess to avoid confusion I will use edit to put my ? back.
That is not from Poland... It is from Finland! :laughing: It is next to my friends university :D
- Post starter
- #44
cherryblossom
VIP Member
I kid you not....
New Wine for Seniors
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as
PINO MORE
I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE
I just could not help it.
WonderingWhy
Diamond Member
:lmao: Thanks CB!
Lucycat
Sponsor
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
29. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
30. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
31. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
32. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
STAY AWAY FROM HOSPITAL!!
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
29. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
30. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
31. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
32. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
STAY AWAY FROM HOSPITAL!!
Lucycat
Sponsor
A REAL MAN CAN MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A REAL WOMAN.
A plane was passing through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was suddenly struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely.
She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, "I'm too young to die,' she cried.
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.
He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.
She gasped ....
Then he spoke ...
"Iron this for me will you? -- and then get me a beer!"
A plane was passing through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was suddenly struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely.
She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, "I'm too young to die,' she cried.
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.
He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.
She gasped ....
Then he spoke ...
"Iron this for me will you? -- and then get me a beer!"
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