Sufferer Just Getting Stuff Out - Husband Hung Himself

[TruthSeeker]

Thank you all for replying. What I mentioned in the original post was just the major trauma I went through. I had a few others a few years before this event with him and leading up to it. And also somethings that happened at the hospital as well that wasn’t major but still have flashbacks from all of it. It was a very hard journey. I just struggle the most with the images from his suicide attempt. He almost died. When I cut him down he hit the ground very hard and he was foaming out the mouth, I had called 911 as I was holding his legs up to try to take the tension off of his neck, then I realized I had to cut him down, I ran inside and got some sewing scissors of my mom’s and cut him down. The 911 operator could hear him snore breathing very slowly and told me to do cpr on him. I can remember saying “oh no! he has foam on his mouth” and continued to do cpr on him then that’s when the ambulance got there and they took over. I remember his eyes glazed over and going in different directions... the way his mouth looked... the way it sounded when he hit the ground... it was real bad. No matter how much detail I put in that event on here... no one would ever know how I felt. It was like hell on earth. I love my husband more than words could ever explain. I’ve known him since 6th grade. I’m thankful every day that I was able to save him, I just wish I wasn’t haunted by it. I had tried counseling but it was too hard on me to talk about out loud.

@JstGtnItOut Me too, but I found a T that gets trauma, takes things in small chunks, makes sure I feel safe, and sometimes we write or I draw and talk when I can It's sometimes a really hard process. But I usually feel much better after I've shared with T things that cause me issues, flashbacks, or nightmares. Therapy isn't easy, but in my case and others here, it can be a major benefit. If you aren't managing to get through it alone, give it some serious consideration.

 

[JstGtnItOut]

@JstGtnItOut I am sorry your introduction was hijacked by me not simply asking if you had been diagnosed with PTSD.

Welcome. I am very sorry for what you have experienced. And my heart hurts for what you are experiencing now. Hope you stay around and see if the forum can help. Sending hugs of understanding.

It’s ok. And thank you. I went to two different psychiatrists... I was seeing one before it happened for anxiety and depression, then I started to go to a different one after... they were not good matches for me. So then I started counseling and I went to 8 sessions and I finally stopped going because I just couldn’t handle it. It was too much to just keep talking about all the bad stuff and crying every time I went and my chest getting tight with anxiety. Every time I walked out of the office I felt like I was in another universe... (not literally lol) it just was not helping me... I felt like it was making it worse.

 

[ladee]

It does seem that you didn't have good matches with those that should have helped. And I'm sorry that you haven't received the help you very much deserve.

When we relive the trauma, it does hurt. And it does make us feel as tho we are in a 'different universe'. It is very hard.

I can only hope you find a trauma therapist that knows what they are doing. They help you to understand the process. The feelings you will be having. And they teach us grounding skills.

Do you live somewhere that there are Trauma therapists? What you experienced was very traumatic and all the things that happened leading up to it.

It is hard to carry those memories. I wish you healing in what ways that are right for you.

Hope the forum and people here can help you.

Hearing you. Supporting you.

 

[JstGtnItOut]

It does seem that you didn't have good matches with those that should have helped. And I'm sorry that you haven't received the help you very much deserve.

When we relive the trauma, it does hurt. And it does make us feel as tho we are in a 'different universe'. It is very hard.

I can only hope you find a trauma therapist that knows what they are doing. They help you to understand the process. The feelings you will be having. And they teach us grounding skills.

Do you live somewhere that there are Trauma therapists? What you experienced was very traumatic and all the things that happened leading up to it.

It is hard to carry those memories. I wish you healing in what ways that are right for you.

Hope the forum and people here can help you.

Hearing you. Supporting you.

Thank you! Your words mean so much to me and thank you for showing support even though you do not know me. I’m actually not sure if there are any trauma therapists in my area, but it does sound like I need to look into finding one. It’s just so hard to face it. I really just want to block it out instead of digging in deeper. But I know that’s not the way I need to go. I’m currently taking Zoloft that was prescribed by my primary dr. It has seemed to help some... as in slowed things down and not as touchy to certain triggers. I used to feel so offended that people would say or do something that triggered me... like I felt they should just know... but I’ve realized I’m in this alone around people that know me... they don’t know my triggers, and aren’t even aware of what they are doing.

 

[ladee]

Your awareness is very spot on. People do not understand that after the fact we are still affected. Still grieving. Still reliving what happened. Over and over.

But it's hard not to take it personally when we are in pain. And it seems to have no end in sight. I understand from experiences in my own life.

I do hope you give thought to seeking a trauma therapist tho. We think we are just putting it out of our mind. But it comes back. And manifests in depression, anxiety, flashbacks. It's our brain telling us we need to try and deal with it. To the best of our ability. I found I had to have help to deal with my trauma.

In the meantime, until you check into therapy, you are welcome to read around the forum. It may not always be your exact situation, but you will find you are not alone in your feelings. Hurt and scared, depressed, anxious, all of the things we find ourself aware of, others are feeling the same. And it does help to know we are not crazy, feeling sorry for ourself, or attention-seeking. It's real. It hurts and we need to know we are not alone.

I truly hope you get help. And that we can help while you are finding your way. This is a great place to be with a lot of people who understand.

I appreciate you are seeking answers. That truly is the first step. And as you will find, even if you do find a therapist, this is a great place to come and share what is going on as the healing journey is taking place. You don't have to do this alone.

Hope you find some peace. This has been very hard for you. And healing won't be easy either. But we can get better. We can help ourselves to move forward. Wishing you the best. Hope to see you around.

And thank you for not taking my first comments personally. I have PTSD too. Things don't always come out as I intend them. No excuses, just appreciate that you are looking for support and you will find it here!!

Gentle hugs of understanding if you accept. Supporting you.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

I’ve watched someone attempt suicide in front of me and lost someone close to me to suicide. It is serious trauma. Period. It would be common and healthy to need and seek support to work through it, PTSD or not.

There are also the other issues: Your husband tried to kill himself to manipulate you into staying, had a drug addiction, whatever is underlying the drug addiction, etc... that’s some serious stuff to handle.

I’m glad you are here reaching out. A good solid trauma therapist with experience in supporters of those with addictive behaviors and mental health problems would be a good thing to find. It’s pretty normal for things to get worse before they get better in therapy but a therapist with trauma experience will be able to help things stabilize first, and give you tools to get through the rough spots.

Also, have you thought about anything like NAMI groups or al anon or other peer supports for loved ones of addicts? I have more than my share of addicts and recovering addicts in my family, and being traumatized by consequences of their battles with their own behavioral health issues while using drugs and not using... and I’ve been shocked to see how common that reality is for loved ones. I put up boundaries with a family member to get help before we had contact again, and days later they were in ICU too after an attempt upset everyone left until they got help. Even when the person has stopped the drug abuse, some maladaptive behaviors, pain, past hurts are there and sometimes it really helps me to keep connecting to others who can say yeah, they have been there too.

At the end of the day, you are not at all alone in this. Many out there can relate It’s rough. You are taking many good steps to heal.

 

[Deanna]

No, you're not alone...

My brother commIted suicide as well. He was a kid. I only found peace when I realized it was his decision.. Not mine. I went to his funeral and touched his cold body. ( I was already out of the house) he was the last one ( had 2 years left) and could not endure it. Shot himself with a 22 in the head.

 

[Gs172003]

My cousin took his life four years ago this month. He was 27. I got the call and got to tell my family. That's not what gave me PTSD but I still struggle with it. My kids grew up with him. He lived at my house for six months. My mom and grandparents helped raise him. It's a hard thing to deal with. Please get help.

 

[JstGtnItOut]

Welcome to the forums!

I’ve watched someone attempt suicide in front of me and lost someone close to me to suicide. It is serious trauma. Period. It would be common and healthy to need and seek support to work through it, PTSD or not.

There are also the other issues: Your husband tried to kill himself to manipulate you into staying, had a drug addiction, whatever is underlying the drug addiction, etc... that’s some serious stuff to handle.

I’m glad you are here reaching out. A good solid trauma therapist with experience in supporters of those with addictive behaviors and mental health problems would be a good thing to find. It’s pretty normal for things to get worse before they get better in therapy but a therapist with trauma experience will be able to help things stabilize first, and give you tools to get through the rough spots.

Also, have you thought about anything like NAMI groups or al anon or other peer supports for loved ones of addicts? I have more than my share of addicts and recovering addicts in my family, and being traumatized by consequences of their battles with their own behavioral health issues while using drugs and not using... and I’ve been shocked to see how common that reality is for loved ones. I put up boundaries with a family member to get help before we had contact again, and days later they were in ICU too after an attempt upset everyone left until they got help. Even when the person has stopped the drug abuse, some maladaptive behaviors, pain, past hurts are there and sometimes it really helps me to keep connecting to others who can say yeah, they have been there too.

At the end of the day, you are not at all alone in this. Many out there can relate It’s rough. You are taking many good steps to heal.

Thank you for sharing that and showing support. He didn’t manipulate me to stay though, he couldn’t take his addiction anymore he said before he done it. He had already been to rehab once before and it didn’t help him because he had went for being an alcoholic and was hiding the fact that he was addicted to pills. But the second time he went he went for his addiction to the pills he was taking.... also he was taking prescriptions for bipolar because I had made him go to a psychiatrist but see the aderal he was abusing was making him have bipolar symptoms... he wasn’t actually bipolar... so the combination of him taking a prescription he didn’t need, abusing other pills, and drinking made him go insane pretty much. He was in psychosis too... hearing voices and stuff. Him while he is sober is a totally different person. When he came out of rehab the second time I had went to the family AA meetings with him. It was very helpful. He’s been sober for 4 years now and he doesn’t go anymore because it wasn’t helping him... he said he couldn’t take hearing everyone else’s “battle stories” he’s doing really well now though. I’m sorry for your loss and the fact that you had to go through some of the same things. Thank you for your reply

 

[JstGtnItOut]

No, you're not alone...

My brother commIted suicide as well. He was a kid. I only found peace when I realized it was his decision.. Not mine. I went to his funeral and touched his cold body. ( I was already out of the house) he was the last one ( had 2 years left) and could not endure it. Shot himself with a 22 in the head.

So sorry for your loss

 

[JstGtnItOut]

My cousin took his life four years ago this month. He was 27. I got the call and got to tell my family. That's not what gave me PTSD but I still struggle with it. My kids grew up with him. He lived at my house for six months. My mom and grandparents helped raise him. It's a hard thing to deal with. Please get help.

Sorry for your loss. I know that was very hard. And thank you for replying

 

[Gs172003]

Sorry for your loss. I know that was very hard. And thank you for replying

You're welcome