Just Had Trigger Of My Attacker

[Kai.Smith90]

In 2013 I was sexually attacked , the man made a self confession and was charged bailed and while on bail he took his life, so no final charges were brought.

Tonight my father invited me to a night out in the pub he drinks in, and if I wasn't nervous enough due to the fact the man was originally from that area and worked in the industry, I didn't want anyone to recognize me.

I was sitting minding my own business sipping on a drink, me and my dad were next to each other and family sat closely next to us, the man say 50's in age commented on my tattoos, drinking red. After discussing my tattoo he leaned over while his wife was sat across from him and my father at my side and said "I wouldn't mind seeing the rest of your tattoos if only your old dad wasn't there. As in minus the clothes" WHAT?!

I felt sick that sickness I haven't felt since the attack last year. It made me repulsed a man the same age was making inappropriate comments. I hope not to get replies saying but he's under the influence of alcohol because that does NOT make it okay. I'm shaking. I'm so angry. I'm not long home as I couldn't be near him, I've been sick and I'm frankly horrified its brought it all flooding back! How dare he!! How dare he. The whole room the moment he said that closed in on me it was horrible... Like my anxiety wasn't bad enough!!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm so sorry this guy was such an arse to you! I'm not saying "guys will be guys" or anything like that. Well, the truth is that there will always be skeevy people who will say highly inappropriate things (again, not an excuse). With time, and healing, you will hopefully get to a point where inappropriate comments won't bother you or evoke such a response. I personally do more of the eye rolling, while thinking how pathetic the person is, meanwhile ceasing to interact with them period. There will always be jerks out there. You CAN take back the power!

 

[a3a2]

What an incredible jackass! I'm so sorry. I think you might do well to avoid the bar scene.

 

[Changing4Best]

I feel for you, how AWFUL! And you are right, that he was under the influence does not excuse his crude behavior.

I don't go to bars, men frequent them and that kind of man makes me nervous. I'm curious, did your dad say anything to that man, or did he just sit there and accept that as OK behavior? Man, if I were your dad, I would have said something to defend my daughter and let him know that I did not appreciate his treating my daughter or me like that! That man insulted your dad too, after all.

Feel better, I hope you are in therapy and can talk to your therapist about this!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Kai.Smith90 Sorry to say that there will always be ass***** out there that, when we least expect it, will act the same or similar to those who have hurt us in the past. You are stronger now than a year ago. You have removed yourself from that confrontation, been physically sick at the repulsion you feel from this beast (not animal because animals do not act like these degenerates),and you have been braver than many for coming on the forum and sharing with the rest of us the experience that has triggered you.

:hug: from not only me but many I believe who have been for that innocent little drink, just to be faced by strangers who probably take pleasure from scaring others.

Remember Kai, you are a strong, young Woman who can stand up to these d**** and come out fighting and a stronger person thereafter.

We here are just that, 'here' for each other when we least expect or feel we need each other. We are here for you at this time that you need us as I am sure you will be here for us when we need you.

Stay strong Kai, feel repulsed at people like this fragment of society. People like that need to be removed from society and shot out of a canon as far as humanly possible.

Laurie x

 

[Justmehere]

Ew, what creep! That would have unnerved me as well.

Nothing makes that kind of comment ok, and your reaction sound very understandable, especially with what you have gone through.

 

[Mercy]

I am sure I would have thrown my drink in his face. What a slimy guy, yuck. Your having to encounter a jerk like that even a drunk one was bad enough to really shake you up. Did your father support you?

Im shaking... im so angry.... im not long home as I couldnt be near him, Ive been sick and im frankly horrified its brought it all flooding back! how dare he!! how dare he... The whole room the moment he said that closed in on me it was horrible... Like my aniexty wasnt bad enough!!

Anger is a good strong emotion. Good for you. Becoming numb or frozen wouldn't have had any strength in it. I glad you were angry. You deserve to be. I'm sorry that this encounter has brought all the past stuff back. I wonder have you done any rape counseling after the assault. If not, It might be a good idea now since 'the soup has already been stirred up'.

 

[Kai.Smith90]

Yes my father did support me @Mercy & @SheilaKathy but I did not tell him till we left to have confronted the man would have brought more unwanted attention by the local community as the situation is complicated being involved in a compensation case which has been reported on nationally and incorrectly I'm already receiving enough negative attention this may confuse you as you expect your community to support you but sadly this is not the case , even regarding the attack the community turned against me although there was a written confession.... Small town... Small Minds... Big Mouths.... if you don't follow the flock of local community sheep you get shunted and instead of being supportive and independent they would rather play it save... hence why once I have received the decision from the ongoing trial I am leaving the area.

@Solara If only it was that easy the attack was only last year. Before that I was burned in a fire that's where the ptsd developed from and I've been recently diagnosed with bpd, as well as this I have also just had two people dealt with by the police for harassment and stalking so as you can see a lot is going on as well as the ongoing court case which I've waited 5 years for, but hopefully one day I'll be able to just "eye roll" or shrug things off but I do see where you are coming from. Thank you to all who commented I am in therapy for my ptsd & bpd to reassure you all that I am in fact receiving help. xx K

 

[Kai.Smith90]

P.S The last time I ignored that skeevy person and eye rolled was the time I was drugged and raped by him before he admitted it and killed himself. Leaving me to take the blame...Personally I wish I had reacted the way I did tonight with that man. Although not everyone is the same of course its better to be safe than sorry, so I removed myself from the situation.x

 

[Kai.Smith90]

Feel so much better just spoken to my friend who I met through the fact she has also been through an attack... she says I dealt with my trigger exceptionally well that makes me feel so much better that reassurance!! the main trigger was "if your dad wasnt there" as my attacker from last year said to me "your dad will never find out about this!" so glad I have a great friend