Supporter Just joined. about to leave combatptsd fiancé. hygiene, attitude, gaming.

[Renata]

I am new to this. I am reaching out for help. My fiance was in the Army for 8 years. He has been diagnosed with PTSD. Lately he has been taking a shower once a week. I tell him to take a shower or ask him to shower with me. He says he doesn't want to and he doesn't have to bathe everyday because he doesn't work. He also says well if you don't like it go find somebody else. I am frustrated. I'm to the point where I want to leave. He has a dismissive attitude and negative energy and I'm tired of dealing with it. All he want to do is play World of Tanks on the computer. I told him that is not healthy. Any suggestions

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome. :hug:

Is he seeking treatment right now?

 

[Heather Nelson]

I am new to this. I am reaching out for help. My fiance was in the Army for 8 years. He has been diagnos...

It almost sounds like we married the same guy. My husband does the exact same thing. It completely sucks. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Abstract]

Hi.
The showering could be a couple of things. Never make assumptions with PTSD as there could be big reasons for him doing certain things that he may not be able to say to you. For some it will be about depression symptoms. For others that have sexual trauma there can be many issues around this.

Gaming, especially war like gaming, can be a means of the brain attempting to process the trauma that happened to him. Its very common.

Speaking about the trauma in any way can trigger flashbacks and other symptoms so it can be hard to discuss this with others. Even the why when it comes to behaviour.

How much do you know about PTSD?

 

[HeadSpace]

I am new to this. I am reaching out for help. My fiance was in the Army for 8 years. He has been diagnos...

Games help soothe but they can also create their own problems. Go easy on him. Hopefully the gaming is only an hour or so daily.

With the showering it is tricky. Could be tingling on skin that distresses him when having shower. I prefer baths myself and on my own - much more relaxing.

You could also suggest sports or going to the swimming pool, or lake. That way he gets washed differently or it feels more necessary to have a shower or at least he gets washed in the swimming pool to a degree, but he could find the shower an ordeal.

Maybe try running a bath for him to help him relax. Good luck!

 

[FragileGlass]

I can offer insight into the gaming aspect. While it can get unhealthy by overdoing it. The alternatives of self harm, alcohol and drug abuse could be far worse options. While it may be frustrating for you to be a part of. There are some considerable positive health aspects to gaming that are helpful to PTSD sufferers. I wish a lot of Military / First Responder PTSD sufferers would turn to gaming instead of the alternatives.

As sufferer, video games keeps my mind, hand eye co-ordination going, problem solving, entertainment, in many cases, the game I play is also online multiplayer, meaning I’ve built connections with people all over the world to play this game together. In fact, the clan or group I am a part of, we’re all Military / First Responder. The extent of conversation is focused on the task at hand. People ask how I am doing and leave it at that. No in depth conversation about feelings and emotions. The biggest factor, is that when playing, I don’t think about the traumas I’ve been a part of. I’m too busy strategizing and reacting to gameplay. I come from a First Responder background. Where every decision I made had consequences and results. Now that I’m off work, that adrenaline I thrived on is gone. The gaming fills that adrenaline rush gap.

Here are some mental connections I have made to the game that I appreciate. When you die in game, you can revive yourself, there’s no real threat to my life which I faced often in real life, your team mates go down you can revive or save them, things I was not able to do in real life, when I’m angry and agitated, I take it out on enemies in the game and not those who are a part of my real life.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums! Be sure to check out the supporters forums.

Is he in treatment?

I think it’s good to evaluate now what you can and can’t deal with before getting married. I personally am one of those that can’t do gaming because it becomes more than a coping tool, but too much of a thing that pulls me away from relationships.

Even if it a good way for him to cope, that’s doesn’t mean you have to be ok with it, and it seems like there is a lot more going on.

 

[Friday]

As the OP hasn’t logged into the site in nearly a year, I suspect they won’t be back to answer questions.