Just Joking

[Tinyflame]

Santa has his Master List out and says, checking it twice:

"I've been reading all your posts. You are all getting dictionaries for Christmas".

 

[Death]

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

 

[Tinyflame]

Why don't they just call chargers Apple Juice?

If a security guard is working at a telecommunications store, is he a Guardian of the Galaxy?

 

[user27357]

Johnny Depp is proof that if you dress like a rock and roll star long enough one will just form around you.

 

[user27357]

A pastor and a priest and a rabbit walked into a bar. Damned spellcheck, this was supposed to be a different joke.

 

[Dynamic]

did you hear about the guy who lost his left hand?

hes all right now

 

[Shaylee]

Did you take a bath today?
Why, is one missing?

From my daughter

OMG I am dyin’ and cryin’.

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Ohh the conundrum!! I can see a police officer’s face in saying it . Love it!

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.

Totally dead


Thank you to all of who know jokes. I really needed this today .

 

[Dynamic]

@Shaylee she (daughter) really got me that day

 

[LuckiLee]

What did the cupcake say to the frosting?


I'm muffin without you.

 

[Dynamic]

My wife was mad at me because I’m lazy.

I didn’t even do anything!

 

[Tinyflame]

A man and his wife are in a terrible car accident, the husband is seriously injured. When the Paramedics arrive they say, 'Ma'am, what is your husband's blood type? We have to know to give him blood or he will surely die!" She says, "I don't know! I will try to speak with him." She comes back, saying he did not say. The husband dies. At the eulogy the wife comes up to speak: "Vincent was a wonderful man, always thinking of me. Even that night the last thing he shouted to me 3 times was: 'Be positive! Be positive! Be positive!' "

 

[Dynamic]

It’s called gross pay because it’s disgusting to see how much money you would’ve made before taxes