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A man and his wife have 2 daughters, they grow up and are just gorgeous. Nonetheless, they still want a boy, so they try again and eventually succeed. Unfortunately, as he grows up he is very homely. The husband says to his wife, "Did you have an affair??!" And she says, "Not this time".
Rushing up to a large airline’s ticket counter, a man gasped, “Miss, please help me. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!”
The clerk calmly pointed to her left and said, “Sir, that would be the airline next to us.”
One Sunday, a minister played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf. St. Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed. “You’re going to let him get away with this, God?”
The Lord shook his head.
The minister took his first shot. The ball soared through the air 420 yards and dropped into the cup for a hole in one. St. Peter was outraged. “I thought you were going to punish him!”
The Lord shrugged. “Who’s he going to tell?”
Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.
One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.
Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.
“Not much of a man, was he?” says one of the bikers.
“Not much of a driver, either,” says the waitress. “He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”
A guy is working out at the gym, and a cute girl looks over and smiles and gives him a wink. Quickly he goes to his fitness instructor and says,, "Can you recommend what piece of equipment I should use to impress that girl over there?" And the guy says, "Yes! An ATM!"