Sufferer Just me. overwhelmed & over triggered stage with new therapist.

[Harmonics]

I like to come back to this thread every once in a while. It is nice to look back and see what is happening and the changes that have taken place since last year. I am now in my second year of graduate school, expecting to graduate next spring. I am a home-owner, something I previously could not even dream of! I continue to love both my full time and part time jobs. After so many years of being on disability, it is such a privilege to be well enough to work. I have dealt with several medical issues over the last year (I am classified as working disabled rather than medically recovered), but I have been able to maintain my jobs and am still getting great reviews.

I feel like I am making progress in therapy. My therapist is great, and I am learning a lot. I won't say that therapy is easy. It's a lot of hard work. I describe it as a place where everything will be okay...not that it is always okay. I am learning to self-regulate. It seems like my story is determined to be heard, but I am learning to do it in measured amounts so I can remain functional. For me, therapy needs to be a mix of top-down and bottom-up strategies and my therapist is good about tuning into what methods are good at that moment.

I still have a long way to go. I have a difficult time relaxing or having fun. Feeling happy doesn't feel safe and triggers intense flashbacks. I have to keep working on figuring that out. I can't live in a stressed state all the time, so this has to be addressed. It is nice to look back and see progress, however!

 

[Tinyflame]

Congratulations @Harmonics ! :hug: I am very happy for you! :)

I so 'get this', what you have written.

I also have this, too:

I still have a long way to go. I have a difficult time relaxing or having fun. Feeling happy doesn't feel safe and triggers intense flashbacks. I have to keep working on figuring that out. I can't live in a stressed state all the time, so this has to be addressed. It is nice to look back and see progress, however!

I was just thinking the other day, it is not 'normal' to be/ become so stressed, especially around others' anger, the anger in the world; the day to day stressors, and also Big stressors, to really need to escape away from people, AND happiness too- to feel needing (a neccesity) to find a way to nearly get off the grid; to disappear; to leave. And it was tempered with knowing amidst it, I have a sister very ill; a friend's gf very ill; a friend's friend who was killed; a friend from work who I just heard on saturday died, and yet also having some really wonderful/ shocking news I heard about myself/ this 'treatment-business'/ dealing with my own shame/ pain.

So being scared of anger/ enemies- and scared of happiness, including progress. Really strange. And frightening, really. Brings up overwhelm, trust issues, second-guessing myself, fear.

I wish you more progress, and a happy year too! :hug:

 

[ladee]

Congratulations on seeing progress!! This was a beautiful and full of hope message to read today.

Thank you for sharing!!