I started searching the effects of PTSD on a relationship a few weeks back and stumbled across this forum. I am in a situation that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve dated men coming out of the war before but I’ve never had someone act in this manner. I thought I was going crazy or that he was the typical disappearing guy and I needed to move on. But something inside me said this isn’t right. So, I started searching and here I am…
I met a man a few months ago. Our connection was very strong. He said he was in the Afghanistan war on the frontlines. I didn’t think anything of it. But he’d say something and I’d see the anger. It was slight (nothing violent, just a word here and there). We had a great time together. He wanted to see me again. It took him almost two weeks to unbusy himself but when I did see him, it was as if it didn’t matter. I could see he was very interested. After our second date, he disappeared. So, I thought okay. He wasn’t into it. I was wrong. After three weeks I saw him again. This time it was different. His walls came down and talked to me about the war. I could see how much he struggles with it. At one point, he just curled up in my arms and stayed there until he asked if I could stay the night. I did. He held me the whole night, giving me compliments, telling me this relationship has to start somewhere. Next day I left, he texted me to say he had a good time. A few days later, I texted him to see when we were getting together again, haven’t heard from him. Now, usually this means as they say when you hear “crickets” he’s gone. I don’t get that vibe from this guy. He hasn’t said he has PTSD but I’m fairly certain he does. The obsession with the military from flags everywhere in the house, movies, books, devoting all his time to charity work. He told me he finds it hard to be back in the States. If there’s another war he wants to go back. He didn’t think he’d survive. He hasn’t been in a relationship since he got back, it’s been a little over a year. His girlfriend left him when he was there and I think he feels like she abandoned him and doesn’t want to experience that again.
So I guess what I want to know is there is any advice on how to proceed. And I do want to proceed. I have experienced my own war and am ready to take on the responsibility of being in his life. How long do I let him run? Is he running? Do I wait for him to come to me or do I send him a text in a week from now, something light so he knows I’m still here. While I’ve dated other men in other wars, never one that was on the frontlines and did and saw what this person has. And I don’t know how to proceed without scaring him or pushing him away. I know he wants this and I want this but neither of us know what to do. I’m usually the runner of the relationship but that’s not going to fly in this situation.
I met a man a few months ago. Our connection was very strong. He said he was in the Afghanistan war on the frontlines. I didn’t think anything of it. But he’d say something and I’d see the anger. It was slight (nothing violent, just a word here and there). We had a great time together. He wanted to see me again. It took him almost two weeks to unbusy himself but when I did see him, it was as if it didn’t matter. I could see he was very interested. After our second date, he disappeared. So, I thought okay. He wasn’t into it. I was wrong. After three weeks I saw him again. This time it was different. His walls came down and talked to me about the war. I could see how much he struggles with it. At one point, he just curled up in my arms and stayed there until he asked if I could stay the night. I did. He held me the whole night, giving me compliments, telling me this relationship has to start somewhere. Next day I left, he texted me to say he had a good time. A few days later, I texted him to see when we were getting together again, haven’t heard from him. Now, usually this means as they say when you hear “crickets” he’s gone. I don’t get that vibe from this guy. He hasn’t said he has PTSD but I’m fairly certain he does. The obsession with the military from flags everywhere in the house, movies, books, devoting all his time to charity work. He told me he finds it hard to be back in the States. If there’s another war he wants to go back. He didn’t think he’d survive. He hasn’t been in a relationship since he got back, it’s been a little over a year. His girlfriend left him when he was there and I think he feels like she abandoned him and doesn’t want to experience that again.
So I guess what I want to know is there is any advice on how to proceed. And I do want to proceed. I have experienced my own war and am ready to take on the responsibility of being in his life. How long do I let him run? Is he running? Do I wait for him to come to me or do I send him a text in a week from now, something light so he knows I’m still here. While I’ve dated other men in other wars, never one that was on the frontlines and did and saw what this person has. And I don’t know how to proceed without scaring him or pushing him away. I know he wants this and I want this but neither of us know what to do. I’m usually the runner of the relationship but that’s not going to fly in this situation.
