Just Want My Mind Back

[Maraduer]

Served 27 as a Radio Operator. Served 3 tours in 3 years Bosnia/Croatia 97, Bosnia Croatia 99/00, and Eritrea 00. With 3 different Infantry Bn (I am Canadian Retired Military)

I remember when I was going through testing to determine what was going on with me. My old Sgt came out of the Pyschologists office, looked me in the eyes with a sense of understanding and stated, "Ken it's ok, it happens to the best of us". Kind of made what I was going through a little easier to handle.

Went through the regime of drugs and therapy, got labelled PTSD. Faced the stigma back then of being labelled. Almost lost my family and my life several times.
Finally got a handle on it and thought I had it under control until tonight.
Wife and friends thought it would be a great joke to sneak up behind me during and intense scene in a movie we were watching and startle the hell out of me.
She just about got it in the head, but the self control kicked in and the fist stopped halfway.

I am so tired of always being hyper alert.

Started reading the internet and found this site where I read some forums about exactly what I was dealing with. Say some great ideas and responses as well as I sensed there it a feeling of acceptance here and not judgement

 

[Jimmy1]

Your welcome here mate. We have some other Canadians on here too if it makes you feel any better.

We are all like you, doing our best to move along in life.

There is a good book written by a US Colonel, psych. It's called once a warrior always a warrior.
He basically states that you will always be a warrior, you just have to learn how to fine tune some things and de-tune others that we were taught.

It's a good thing to have exagerated responses. It might save your life. It's a matter of altering your surroundings and teaching those around you.

Heaps of help here mate'

 

[oscarmike]

I know exactly what that feels like. I can't count how many times someone has walked up on me or tried to scare me for fun not knowing how bad things could turn out. I am Radio Operator with 2 tours in Iraq. I can tell you from experience that for me that I have my good days where the hyper alert seems less intense and some where it seems like I could explode at the sound of a slamming door, firecracker, dropped objects.....etc. I think this is one of the few places out there that can provide the support of other fellow combat veterans out there that can understand what it feels like to live with this without the JUDGEMENT. Welcome and read on. Lots of good people here and wealth of information as well.

 

[sunviper]

Welcome, I am also new here. This is the best PTSD sight I have been in. I was in the U.S. Army for 17 years and was in combat in Iraq. I was a inpatient at the Natinal Center For PTSD, for 72 days so I have a small idea about what Combat PTSD is about. Things can get better. If you have a problem this is a great place to air it out.

 

[Jimmy1]

Forgot to mention that comms was my trade too. lol. I remeber as a 3 man detachment commander in support of the infantry, I used to sleep with one ear open just to make sure my guys were on the ball. Now I still sleep lightly.

 

[Barberian]

Welcome to the forums.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Welcome buddy, coms here as well

 

[Tim Cake]

Lots of "sparks" here....bzzzzz...

 

[Sludge]

I gave up on getting my mind back years ago. It turns out I didn't like it much. So, thanks to the gang here in no small part I'm slowly building a new one from scratch.

Welcome to the club. I hope you find here what you need, just as myself and quite a few others did.

 

[Sarg]

Mar, welcome. I'm a Nam Vet and have a bald spot at the top of my head. In the middle of that bald spot is a small, circular scar. My sister thought it would be "cute" to hit the horn of my Healey while I was under the hood. I tried very hard to drive the hood catch as deep as possible into my head, proving YES! I do over react to stimulus.

You're among friends here, pull up a chair and join in.

Sarg

 

[Kurt Weiland]

I served with 1/41 infantry, Second Armor Div. during Desert Storm. Although our war was a lot shorter than many others It has affected me tremendously. It took about 10 yrs for symptoms to manifest and eventually show their ugly head. My mind is always just a scattered mess and I can't turn it off. Hyper alertness is always on. The anger is a very short fuse, I have been able to kind of control it at home and work since I have a lot to loose in those matters but like may others I internalize it and have chest pains, headaches, nausea and extreme anxiety as a result. I feel a mess alot of the time esp. around deployment dates and seek guidance and closeness with other Veterans around those dates. I tried individual therapy with a Vet Center and group help as well, although it was nice I feel it was a bad fit for me. Maybe I just couldn't give in enough to have a break through. I have had multiple meds and took myself off completely. I did so so I could have thoughts and feelings other than of a "no wake zone" life style. Most made me zombie like and wound up taking several to combat the side effects of the other meds. Any insight from anybody out there would be helpful. I am walking this road alone, I have great support at home but don't want to burden my wife with the particulars so, I continue to internalize and feel like shit and feel I'm missing the boat with the family and soon they will be gone and I will be left with the thought of missing the best days of my life. Any thoughts welcome. thanks for listening all.
Kurt W.

 

[Need an Oasis]

Hi there, welcome.