saraemerald
Gold Member
I decided to rise above my abuse from a young age and was proud of it by becoming a very dedicated cult member. (a Jehovah's Witness).
I was very dedicated and thought of I followed all of 'God's'/cult rules, I would be saved, etc.
Obviously, it doesn't work that way. But for some reason, for me, it worked! Oh no! I truly thought it worked because I put in a lot of 'prayer', and effort into healing myself from severe abuse and because it 'worked', it had to God, Not Me! But it really was me. But I didn't know this at the time and attributed all of my success, to: 'being a REALLY good Jehovah's Witness!
Because of this, when I started to realise I wanted a more 'normal' life, I blamed myself and ALL of the good I did in my life to try and heal and be happy, despite growing abused!
I started taking it out on myself! Beating myself up for wanting to be happy without this God dictating my life as a Jehovah's Witness. Just cuz I REALLY wanted to start living a more normal life. You know: maybe dating someone I like and maybe some kids. And maybe not so many requirements to be approved by God. And just living my life without so much guilt! Yeah!
I was very dedicated and thought of I followed all of 'God's'/cult rules, I would be saved, etc.
Obviously, it doesn't work that way. But for some reason, for me, it worked! Oh no! I truly thought it worked because I put in a lot of 'prayer', and effort into healing myself from severe abuse and because it 'worked', it had to God, Not Me! But it really was me. But I didn't know this at the time and attributed all of my success, to: 'being a REALLY good Jehovah's Witness!
Because of this, when I started to realise I wanted a more 'normal' life, I blamed myself and ALL of the good I did in my life to try and heal and be happy, despite growing abused!
I started taking it out on myself! Beating myself up for wanting to be happy without this God dictating my life as a Jehovah's Witness. Just cuz I REALLY wanted to start living a more normal life. You know: maybe dating someone I like and maybe some kids. And maybe not so many requirements to be approved by God. And just living my life without so much guilt! Yeah!
