From what I understand according to the books I've read it is very common when first beginning to reopen all these old wounds for feelings of hopelessness, grief, suicide to surface. In my case I'd been trying to cope for so long that I'd shut away my past emotionally, when I talked about it I was always very clinical. ("Yes it happened, so?") which wasn't necessarily healthy, but was the only way I had to survive. Some people don't talk or think about it at all. So when it does finally come back, it's like opening up the flood gates and it's very easy to be overwhelmed.
It's important to have at least one person you can reach out to and tell about what you're feeling, whether it's a friend, therapist, family member you trust or spiritual leader. It doesn't matter who, just so long as you aren't afraid to tell them what you're feeling. You need support right now, this is the hardest part. Not having much support elsewhere, I've found the support here on this forum to be invaluable.
Just remember that these feelings don't mean you're losing your mind. You're finding it. All these years you've been trying to cope with something that would break a lesser being. You're still here, and you did what it took to continue. Now, it's just a matter of getting back in touch with the feelings and memories that brought you here. It's going to hurt, but you are worth it.
