- Post starter
- #13
I'm back... A lot of stress again... Finally, I got an A for the report I struggled to finish on time. However, this success is now overshadowed by the new things in my life (new assignments, new obligations, etc...) and it is hard to keep up...
I feel ashamed of my poor time management... I can't meet deadlines, I need to sleep 12 hours per day and drink coffee to feel alerted enough to study. I have been through dissociative moments (feeling like I was floating, like the reality around was like a dream). I got lost sometimes in time and in the streets... I almost fell once because all feels dizzy, and my muscles ache. Painkillers help, but that's just a temporary solutions... The pain always come back, and now, for 2 days, the nightmares are back too...
Disorientation... It's like I fell into a loophole, or walking in a fog.
It's been 2 weeks now that I have stopped going to my lectures at University, and I am afraid of going back because I fear the tutors will ask me questions... I do not want to speak about PTSD to them, certainly not in front of the class, I don't want to explain why I am worried and why I couldn't deliver my assignment on time. It doesn't feel like it... The stress has consumed my time, my energy and curb my perceptions.
The situation in the UK is very stressful because of Brexit, and I am very anxious... I am at a crossroad in my life, and I wonder whether I should keep on the fight for life or prepare to die as peacefully as I can... I don't have any family that cares anymore, and if I die, no one will notice. There is even no one to bury me, actually...I just try to figure out *why* I should keep fighting for a painful existence, where there is no love, no safety, and a great deal of pain... I am tired..........
I feel ashamed of my poor time management... I can't meet deadlines, I need to sleep 12 hours per day and drink coffee to feel alerted enough to study. I have been through dissociative moments (feeling like I was floating, like the reality around was like a dream). I got lost sometimes in time and in the streets... I almost fell once because all feels dizzy, and my muscles ache. Painkillers help, but that's just a temporary solutions... The pain always come back, and now, for 2 days, the nightmares are back too...
Disorientation... It's like I fell into a loophole, or walking in a fog.
It's been 2 weeks now that I have stopped going to my lectures at University, and I am afraid of going back because I fear the tutors will ask me questions... I do not want to speak about PTSD to them, certainly not in front of the class, I don't want to explain why I am worried and why I couldn't deliver my assignment on time. It doesn't feel like it... The stress has consumed my time, my energy and curb my perceptions.
The situation in the UK is very stressful because of Brexit, and I am very anxious... I am at a crossroad in my life, and I wonder whether I should keep on the fight for life or prepare to die as peacefully as I can... I don't have any family that cares anymore, and if I die, no one will notice. There is even no one to bury me, actually...I just try to figure out *why* I should keep fighting for a painful existence, where there is no love, no safety, and a great deal of pain... I am tired..........
