Relationship Keeping Me Together

[Seeking]

The man that I've referred as the love of my life has slowly drifted away. While over the past few years I noticed periods of isolation and I had no idea why. I noticed jumping as he slept and I had no idea why. I noticed the days where I felt like he and I would live as husband and wife , holding hands and chatting about the good ole days. The more now that I learn about PTSD and what it has done to my friend, lover, homeboy , the love of my life the more angry I become. I feel so cheated. The unanswered calls and text hurt. What I'm realizing is Im punishing myself by not eating, sleeping enjoying my life. I'm just waiting. Waiting on him to return and he's gone, gone forever. Now I'm seeing a therapist, on medication trying to put myself back together because guess what yes I lovery him with everything I have, but I love myself too. I want it all still. I want a relationship that is fulfilling and loving, I deserve it. I was so good to this man and I'll continue to pray for him but for me I can't survive like this. I was in a pattern of one day being ok the next not. CryING just feeling like I'm dead inside. Out the blue I send a picture of my face saying sending all my love and this man responds and say "Love you too" should I be happy? Of course because I feel like anything any communication gives me relief but I want it all but I can't have it with the love of my life. So now for me, I medicate move on and pray.

 

[boodle]

The man that I've referred as the love of my life has slowly drifted away. While over the past few year...

My heart goes out to you @Seeking you describe very eloquently how I have been feeling too. No doubt this also describes what many others have felt and are feeling. :hug: hugs if you will accept them.

 

[Mytime]

I understand how you feel. I started therapy for myself, then started marriage counselling. We are making our way back to each other. It's very slow at times and I had to come to terms with, it not like it was. He's not how he was but is getting close. In counselling I had to mourn the loss , to be able to move forward. I'm still trying to find me again and I'm getting there. You will to, when you look after yourself, things seem to fall into place. You can start feeling joy and growth with in yourself. You start seeing you strength and learn how to share it, not give it away. Here to support you and wishing you a positive journey.