Keeping Yourself In Crisis Mode

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi all,

Fall is typically a very difficult time for me, and this year is no exception. A few weeks ago I found myself in the typical downward spiral. Instead of fighting it, I gave in, even fueled the fire so to speak, making my situation worse.

I realized that *I* was the one who was keeping myself in crisis mode. I was fighting with my family, my friends, my therapists, and even strangers online! I realized that I was giving into the pain, the anxiety, and the depression by doing things to make it worse (binging, pill popping, pushing people away with my anger, letting my thoughts get the best of me, etc...)

I hate that I was in that space, but I'm glad that I had the ability too see that I was the one who was keeping myself in that negative space, in crisis mode, and that I had the power to change things.

I know I need to continue fighting the depression, anxiety and anger as sometimes these fall episodes last well into January. But at least I have a clear picture of what I need to do to stay on the better side of things this time. Even my doctor (GP) remarked to me that I seem so much happier than the last few times she's seen me, which meant a lot as it's always good to get positive external validation.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? Have you been in "crisis mode" and realized that you were the one keeping yourself in that negative space?

Hugs,
SOL

 

[ClairBear226]

I don't think I've ever had that experience, but I've known non-PTSD peeps that seem to thrive on a continued crisis mode. Almost as if they've become conditioned to the need to have the adrenaline rush that comes from conflict. I wonder if it's a way to combat depression, maybe? Anger seems like an emotion that would be easier to handle, so if we're perpetually in an angry state, we don't need to deal with the feelings or issues surrounding the depression.

Summer is a bad time for me. Lots of anniversary dates to contend with, so I understand what you mean. Here's hoping you get through the rest of the season as easily as possible.

 

[Srain]

I can absolutely relate.

I do what I call "alley fights".

 

[The Albatross]

*raises her hand*
For whatever reason, I find I am hardwired to respond more decisively and perform better in a crisis than I am/was on a day to day basis. I think it was a brutal and ruthless method... one I've pretty much abandoned, but the short term benefits were adrenaline and creating "make or break" moments where I had to consciously choose instead of blind acting out or reacting.

Great insights SOL. I tend now to focus more on consistency of temprament and deed, calm and reasonable instead of reactionary actions that cause harm for myself and others. One cool thing about being able to recognize this tendency is that we can get to a place where we understand just how maladaptive and complicated this pattern really is... and ditch it before we get into some consequence we can't get out of or irreparably harm ourselves or our relationships.