General Kids With Ptsd?

[PTSDMama]

Just settling in for hot cocoa and a tv show...alone...sounded so good.

Then hubby got up, despondent, asked me to make him some canned chili. Didn't even have to cook anything. Just canned chili. I rolled my eyes and sighed. He asked me if I remembered all the times I've even looked like I needed something and he asked. He wonders why it's such a hard thing for me to do that for him.

I was angry at him for being up and ruining my quiet time. I whisper-yell (C's asleep, small house) that all day and week long I try to plan meals, plan schedules, work, tend to customers at work, prepare for any upcoming interpreting assignments, make sure I'm not too stressed because of my PVCs, try to make sure C and him are doing okay while I'm gone. I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOUR FREAKIN CHILI!

Now I feel bad. I've hurt his feelings. I tell him all the time to ask for what he wants, as he doesn't do that. He's always looking for what I want or need and ignores his own stuff. Now, he's asked, and I've shut him down. We're both so tired. He's in the living room eating the chili he heated up and now I'll try again with hot cocoa and tv. Geesh.

 

[Pale Warrior]

it's all too much sometimes, too, too much for our frail human hearts - so we snap - we're human after all.

Maybe reach out for a hug later?

 

[Eleanor]

((((((((PTSDMama)))))))))

Some days, it is enough for everybody to make it to bedtime in one piece. Tomorrow is another day.

It also helps to remember that little ones can hold it together for others because they can fall apart with us.

 

[PTSDMama]

Sometimes when we're in the moment I tend to think that's it, that things are totally screwed up and forever will be. I forget that there might be another day tomorrow.

J and I were okay by the time we went to bed last night, both realizing that we're not trying to hurt one another but that we're just drained. C slept the night so we both got some sleep, I think.

I'm heading out for an interpreting job, then will be home all day with C...hopefully I can deal better today. Thanks for the support!

 

[Pale Warrior]

Just want to chip in regarding the other kids taunting him.

It is extremely common and a very nasty form of bullying. It needs to be stamped on quickly, the teacher or parent in charge of the perp/s must be made aware and sanctions put in place. The child being wound up needs to have their own explicit coping strategies that are rehearsed and well embedded. May be one for his therapist to look at?

In my experience if the adult in charge is prepared to listen to both sides and insists on the truth, most perps will eventually come clean (it can sometimes take a while, "sitting out", for them to own up).

Unfortunately, most adults see a child kicking off and don't look any further. Grrrrrr...

 

[PTSDMama]

Taekwondo is where we see it now, mostly, since we home school. And...I must say, the teachers are awesome at making the kids accountable. And helping him cope. It still sucks, but I do have to say at least that we're fortunate for that.

Soooo, we did a major family day on Thursday....all day. We went with J to his temp job (delivering phone books) and C did an amazing job helping him. We had lunch together at a pizza place and did some lessons which went so great. Since that day, things have been so wonderful I can hardly recognize us! Today, I've been with him all day alone b/c J went to pick up my sister and nephew 6 hours away for a visit. He's tried to hit me only twice. TWICE! The rest of the time, my sweet boy has been here and we have had a blast! What a blessing!

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh PTSDMama, Hugs to you all.
xoxox

 

[PTSDMama]

So I just had to share with you all. A friend of mine from elementary school (30 years ago!) contacted me on Facebook. She has adopted a little guy too, who has some of the same struggles as C. She invited us to an adoption support group at her church, not only for the parents, but also for the kids to get together with other adoptees. They're going through the book The Connected Child.

I went tonight with C, as J (hubby) already had plans. Whew, what an amazing night! C had a blast, and The Connected Child book/concepts are just what our therapist has already been helping us with. I think someone on here may have mentioned it as well, but didn't scroll back through to see.

Anyway, I'm so excited to meet with these people once a month to help our kids together versus complaining about them, feeling hopeless, etc. Such a blessing!

 

[PTSDMama]

About a month ago, we went to see a chiropractic nutritionist to see if there was anything they could do to help C, instead of going to a psychiatrist and trying psych meds this early in his life. Well, we got the results back from his blood and hair!

He has toxic amounts of lead, cadmium, mercury, and aluminum coming out of his hair. The hair is where we excrete heavy metals, but the amount he has shows that he has at some time experienced way too much. We are very careful about aluminum (we try not to eat anything from a can, etc.), so were surprised to see this amount.

Of course, all of these on their own can cause extreme irritability, rage, impusivitiy, etc. So put them all together, along with the PTSD, and it's a wonder this little guy can make it through any day without being violent!

They also uncovered some liver and kidney issues, and are doing further testing to discover the reason for those.

We have some supplements to help his body get rid of the heavy metals, as well as help his body with the liver and kidney issues. I'm hoping that these steps will take the edge off of his troubles, so that the therapy he's receiving and the help we're offering will help him cope with the trauma.

In other news, his new thing is trying to hit me with objects like clothing, his taekwondo belt, and the like - turning them into whips. Yesterday, he tried to do that right before taekwondo so he didn't get to wear his belt in. His instructor asked him where his belt was, and he said, "ummm, wellll, I was mad so I lost my belt". The instructor looked at me and I told him what happened. He said, "Ohh so that's how he lost his belt."

Anyway, the instructor and I chatted a bit. I told him about the heavy metals and that the frequency of C's violence toward me is decreasing, but that he's getting stronger. I don't want to quit tkd because it is good for him, but he's not getting the aspect (or doesn't care) that tkd is not to be used in this manner.

The instructor said that maybe he just needs more reminders from the staff there than other children do, and that they are happy to help with that. They're so gentle with him, and encourage him...we're so blessed to have them! That place is one of the things I'm going to miss terribly when we move - it's not only good for C, but it's really therapy for me too, to be able to see him in that environment with other adults who care for him.

 

[PTSDMama]

Wow...we have a different child! We are a month into the supplements (roughly), and all the good things about him are shining through like never before. Other people...strangers...have commented what a sweet, cute boy he is! We always knew that, but would only see glimpses of that boy every day. The other things were overshadowing those pieces of him.

We're hearing his lovely laughter, seeing his twinkly eyes, even got to see dimples that have not surfaced in months! What a blessing! It appears that these supplements are taking the edge off of the PTSD and he's more able to cope.

The first thing I saw after him being on them for a few days - he spilled his drink on the floor. Was there a 2 hour tantrum? NOOOOO! He looked at me, smiled, and said, oops, mama, let me go get a towel and clean that up. He comes and sits on my lap, hugs me, accepts my hugs, tells me he loves me...many times a day. Told his dad and I that we fill his heart up with love. His new favorite game? Getting me to kiss him then wiping off kisses so that I will kiss him more. This, from a kid who cringed at the slightest inkling of any expression of love toward him.

Hoping these continue to help and so enjoying the effects right now! Oh, and I asked him about how he felt after taking his vitamins. We've been careful not to share our opinions one way or another, only to say we think the vitamins make him healthy. We wanted to hear from him how he's feeling without his thoughts being swayed by ours. He says that "when I take my vitamins my brain feels happy all the time. Even if I get mad, I don't get that mad, and then I feel happy. I like taking my vitamins because I can control my brain better and I'm not astracted all the time with mad things." for astracted, read distracted. :-)

 

[Eleanor]

Wow. Big WOW. Amazing and wonderful! What a super tremendous blessing!!!! I've thought about this for my H, but don't know what kind of doc's do this stuff- (my H worked in heavy industrial plants for most of his professional life). Any pointers as to what to look up?

I am SO happy for you guys, all three! How totally wonderful. Doing the happy dance here!!!!

 

[PTSDMama]

I know, right? Well, our doc works with people all over the U.S., not sure about other countries (can't remember where you are). Their website is http://www.bk2health.com/. But if they aren't an option for you, you could take a look at their credentials and see if there is anything comparable in your area.

We have also discovered an extreme sensitivity to food dye for him. You can read more about that kind of thing here: http://www.feingold.org/ and his therapist told us about the effects of food dye on some people too. Her family is completely dye-free because of the effects she has seen on her kids, including hyperactivity, impulsivity, violence, aggression, etc.