General Kids With Ptsd?

[PTSDMama]

Anyone on here parenting a child who has PTSD? Our son is almost 6, and has just been recently diagnosed with it. He was in and out of foster care and many relatives' homes prior to age 2, came to live with us as our foster son at age 2, and we finalized his adoption at age 4 1/2.

We are getting great help with a wonderful therapist, but sometimes just would like to have some other support from parents who know what it's like.

 

[Eleanor]

Hi PTSDMama - I'm sorry you haven't gotten any responses... It's lonely. I don't know anything about childhood PTSD. Mostly I struggle with trying to help my five year old deal with all the ups and downs of her dad having PTSD - I guess so she doesn't get it! I have to older step-daughters, in their 20s, one of whom I am pretty sure has it, but hasn't been diagnosed. So even though I'm a parent supporter too, it is a different thing because she is an adult... How DOES it work with kids?

 

[Tinyflame]

I will try to remember my experiences as a child- more so a teen, hopefully something to add to help. Must run at moment, Bless you , xox

 

[timetorecover]

Me, Me I am! I am a sufferer myself and have a nearly 6 year old son that has been diagnosed recently. He had SAD previously although I think the trauma is the core of it along with the fact that I have my long list of issues.

Having a PTSD child is heartbreaking, my son is scared of so many things and is triggered by an even longer list. Its an exhausting and sad thing to deal with and I do not have support from my partner, he is in denial, despite being seen by numerous drs and Phsycs.

I am here if you want to compare notes ;)

Wishing you peace xx

 

[unalaa]

My oldest son is 18 now, but has struggled with ptsd all of his short life. His original traumas revolve around his father who used him as a target for his rage both physically and mentally. I divorced his father when he was 4, but due to coparenting agreements I was unable to keep him away from his father who continued to "discipline" our son in his fashion until our son got big enough to hit back.

We have another son, two years younger, who was not targeted but also has his own issues and triggers. Their father remains a strong presence in their lives despite the fact we were finally able to move 500 miles away from him 6 years ago, which has curtailed the weekly issues with him but not gotten them away from him altogether.

My sons have responded to their triggers with anger - or at least this seems to be a common thread throughout their childhood and adolescence. There are other things that they have struggled with as well, both in T and out of it.

I'll be glad to contribute to this conversation as it evolves - I know how lonely it can be dealing with this day and day out.

 

[timetorecover]

Hello Unalaa, sorry for your messy past!
Would u mind sharing how your
ur sons interact socially?
And how are you?

 

[Tinyflame]

Not sure how helpful this may be, but my ptsd symptoms seemed to follow my dad's death, though there had been 2 near-death experiences (my own) previously, and other stuff (sexual assault, etc). I remember as a little child being very 'aware' of everything going on, sometimes terrified, always internalized it.

Whether it was adolescence, grief, ptsd, or just myself, when the symptoms started (flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, atypical depression etc), I was 14 (I think?), it culminated (quickly) in much avoidance (of now what i realize were identifiable triggers), much rage, numbness,followed by reckless behaviour, drinking, gambling, stealing to pay for the gambling, lying to cover up all the first. Then self harm, school absentism due to being ill. Hospitalized due to what was both physical and caused by self harm no one knew about, recall that was when suicide 1st occurred to me, tried that twice. This inproved in about 4 years. It was all a desperate attempt to cope.

All the while I had a lot of anger, but felt very terrified and sad inside. Thought it was due to 'me'. Maintained straight A's (Honors, offered Mensa), worked full time, verysociable, did ++ volunteer work, no one ever knew about any of it. I was an altruistic kid and adult- genuinely enjoyed that, but did all 'the other', all the while. Never knew how to find the courage or words to ask for help, still don't know how.

I thnk it might help to let him express himself without words- painting/ pictures, etc? Watch how he plays, what he gravitates towards, what he avoids, try to be open with him.
There is a wonderful book on grief in children-will try to get the name.

Best wishes, xox

 

[unalaa]

TTR - How they interact socially at what age? This one, or....? I'll answer for right now first, if you want to know about what they went through at a different age, let me know.

Now, at 18, my oldest son has graduated from high school. He was working but is laid off at the moment until we get warmer weather. He is struggling with feeling depressed and lost, as you might imagine. Our focus was to get him graduated from high school for a long, long time and because that was such a struggle (and was a question mark up until days before it happened), he never has really focused on the future and what he wants to do in regards to his future. Because life has been a real struggle for him thus far, I refuse to push him into something for which he may not want or be ready.

This has brought up a host of conflict particularly with his father and his father's parents who all view not going to college right off the bat as a failure. He feels that deeply and won't speak of it, but it's apparent by the way he speaks to his father on the phone that he feels terrible. He has reverted into some old coping mechanisms - one of which is inventing things, which isn't necessarily a bad coping mechanism but I recognize it as something he does when he is avoiding conflict. He is sleeping on the couch - again, something he does when he feels bad. He is home all of the time, only stays in contact with his brother and one of his friends, and doesn't exercise or do anything healthy for himself. He is alternately belligerent or absent of emotion in his moods most of the time. He doesn't tolerate change, spontaneity, or adversity well and is triggered by such if he feels pushed or backed into a corner. It takes him a long time to sort things out by his own admission. I recognize that I can do little at this point about this but wait for him to make a decision and be there for him.

He has a harder row to hoe than most people do, not just because of the ptsd but because he was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 10 which brought on a host of other traumatizing experiences for him and wildly fluctuating moods. He has been hospitalized a number of times for this condition, and several times nearly died. Additionally, he was hospitalized for about 6 weeks for burns he received on his legs from stomping out a fire 3 years ago.

All this is is to say he's had difficulty with making and keeping friends all along. He was the kind of kid who needed a lot of alone time and still does. He gets along with adults better than his peers and always has done so. He has gotten more social with age - he has a handful of friends his own age now as opposed to none several years ago. Also, his younger brother is his best friend now but there were times in the past that I was afraid he would hurt himself or his brother because he would be triggered by seemingly very little things. If his brother borrowed something without asking for example. He would be reduced to tears at the same time be nearly apopleptic with rage and out of control. Another thing he is easily triggered by is any criticism of his father - he has been known to storm out screaming at my elderly father who occasionally slips and makes snide comments about my son's father.

His goal for the new year is to find a girlfriend. This is a first for him and I think shows positive emotional growth and healing. He is beginning to voice thoughts of the future so I just listen, for now.

My younger son, 16, has always been a social person. He makes friends easily. He gets along with both peers and adults. His triggers have always been further and farther between than his brother's, and seem to revolve around perceived injustice more than anything else. He is a staunch defender of those he loves. I believe that he has really helped his brother be able to deal with his father better by being the one to stand up to their father. He too gets very angry and at times is out of control but generally seems to have a better handle on himself. He tells me he still has nightmares. We both think his older brother does too but he doesn't speak of it.

Over the years both have had T individually and as a family, as have I. It did help. Neither are in T now as they think it's a waste of time. Maybe it is at this point in their lives. That's another thing I won't push to make them do. If they are motivated and want to work on their "stuff" (for lack of a better word) together, as a family, or individually I would facilitate that happening for them in a heartbeat.

As for me, I'm doing ok for the most part. I take it one day at a time or less, if need be.


*edited for redundancy

 

[Tinyflame]

Also I should say, my dad was an AA so I was able to pull back from the drinking, the gambling was harder to stop. Managed to avoid drugs but barely, almost got myself raped and/ or killed repeatedly. Ended up with abusive people.

Watch that people who have bad intentions aren't around your son, I was quite innocent and just looking for a 'life raft' (and manipulated by people 20-30 years my senior).
I was also fortunate however, was (am) catholic, didn't go to church much in those 4 years but returned on my own, that continues to give me much strength.

Also, night sweats etc, were the pits. Also hypervigilance, so if there is some hobby that relaxes him/ he loves, that would be great, I recall loving dancing, painting, praying, having a dog helped also (I could tell him/ her everything).
xox

 

[unalaa]

The nightmares, night sweats, bedwetting, hypervigilance, bouts of insomnia and fear of going to sleep, crawling in to bed with mom in the middle of the night, sleepwalking, sleep talking and emoting in their sleep were all present when my sons were younger. Tantrums that came out of nowhere - that started out angry and then dissolved into inconsolable sobs... acting out behaviors at school that coincided with visits to their dad's house. It was exhausting and heartbreaking.

 

[Eleanor]

(((((((unalaa)))))) Bless you for caring for them. I have noticed on here that a lot of people with PTSD seem to have better than average "moral compasses", and that the more clear they are about the moral dimension of their experiences, the better they cope. Sorry, I'm not saying this very clearly - the more consciously clear they are about what is right and wrong with what is going on - the better they cope. A moral compass without conscious understanding of the feelings it generates can lead to a hopeless muddle, and even more trauma. Does this jibe at all with your experience of your boys? I find my daughter has a very very clear sense of when her dad's reactions are out of line - and she is often more "fine tuned" than I am (and I am quite good I think). I have to work to sort out the right things that he's telling her to do, from the wrong tone and affect that he sometimes tells her with:(. Tough for me to do and I have degrees in this stuff!!

 

[Tinyflame]

Was thinkinking about it too, did all of the 'normal things', liked also biking, roller skating (those days!), skiing, -loved horses/ riding, went everywhere with friends. Video games (with or without others) were a good 'distraction', too.

BUT.. they were a distraction. As said above the nightmares, roller coaster of emotions (in so far as just like an adult re: the 'stress cup'- good or bad stress being the cause, well yikes.

As such a young boy, I would give him lots of love, lots of patience, clear directions, don't make promises you can't keep (if possible). And most of all, I would suspect he won't be able to verbalize what is behind acting out, nor will he likely bring up what's bothering him, or know what he needs or 'how' (I am still unaware of how to do it myself!). I am sure you do all these things, and I am sure their are better authorities on this than I, and googling it there is more info.

And it helps to not over-react to the acting out, to take it seriously but recognize where it is coming from.

I hope he has a way to express himself, activities he can love, and love and kindness. And that you have much help, too.