It sounds like I am taking a higher dose than most people that posted here, and for much longer. I started it with propanalol and after working up to the full dose I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat, my doctor thought the klonopin was the drug to keep and I dropped the propanolol pretty fast. I don't know if there is a dependency going on, I am very regular about my medications, so I have never felt an ill effect from missing doses. But I have noticed that the edge it is supposed to be keeping off isn't phased by it, I am getting the full ill effects from the edge for sure.
I have to wonder if the amount of time spent worrying about suicidal thoughts might be better reduced by a combo with an sri or other anti-D. So tired and just not into the hard work of fixing myself these days, I have to wonder if a drug that causes low energy levels is doing me harm and counteracting all the EMDR and anti anxiety techniques I am doing.
Time to talk to the man, thanks for all the help and advice everyone.