Yeah I used to have the same feelings about the person who sexually abused me as a kid. He has the most stable marriage, huge house, happy kids. everything. He's genuinely content. And I always felt that my background of unstable relationships started with what he did to me. At some point as a kid, I already felt I was broken when it comes to relationships. I don't think he was deranged, I think he was a curious teenager and I guess I was a convenient object for discovery. Unfortunately the impact on me was destructive, for him it was nothing. It doesn't really bother me anymore. It used to really bother me (his success) when I was in crisis, it seemed so unfair. At some point, I think I decided that the only way to move past the feeling was to focus on working on myself to fix the brokenness. Not that it totally worked, both fathers of my children were abusive. I don't even know why I fell for them...Looking back, I'm baffled. The first ex never dated after me and it's been 5 years. And he leaves me alone and is no longer abusive. This last ex I am sure will throw his "success" in my face. He was already on facebook saying I was the worst person he has ever dated and that I am such a loser :( ... and his family was on there saying he should have let them find him a girlfriend and everything would have worked out. I don't know if they know or care that setting him up with one of their friends is the worst thing that they could do to their friend. I will be single and broke raising 3 kids. And he will be remarried to a beautiful young woman, and together will probably try to gang up on me, until she figures it all out, if ever. His life may look successful, but as many of us from abusive relationships know, it's easy to make things look great on the outside. I don't know how many women were envious of me for having a handsome charming husband and doting father for my kids. The irony is they say that a person can't stop being abusive in their current relationship because a pattern has already been set, their only chance would be in a new relationship so it's always possible they are not abusing their current partner.
Anyways, all that to say that I feel the same way you do. The way I am planning to deal with it is to keep moving forward. Keep trying to make the best decisions I can for my life, day by day. Keep working on healing (reading, therapy etc). Surround myself with people who hold me in high esteem. I think I know what is a solid choice and what is a dubious choice, and try to make the solid choice. And try to do things that make me feel proud of myself.
People may not say I am a huge success, but I do think they will say I am strong and hopefully one day, wise. The people who don't see that, don't really matter and probably don't share my values anyways. I could have stayed in a relationship that was destroying me; provided me no comfort, no compassion or true partnership. But it takes a strong person to walk away and say it's not good enough. You can definitely feel proud of yourself for having gone no contact with him. And feel proud of yourself for not contacting him on special occasions. His birthdays and special occasions could eventually be days you celebrate removing him from your life. And eventually days you didn't even notice passed.
"all that glitters is not gold, often have you heard that told..."
