Lack Of Sleep Is Starting To Affect Everything.

[missing_the _sunshine]

I am so physically and emotionally exhausted. I sleep a maximum of 2 hrs a night if I am lucky. I am physically sick from being so exhausted, people keep telling me how crap I look, my hair is falling out, I am constantly sick and rundown from the lack of sleep.

All I want is for the nightmares to go away...but all they do is continue at a higher intensity with more graphic images. Little things in them keep changing...they are only slight changes but the changes mean so much to me.

My T asked me a question the other day whether I would accept a night of 8 hours sleep if it meant having a nightmare. It was really difficult to answer because I always feel so terrible when I wake up from them. I am crying, shaking, physically sick, my heart is pounds and the guilt is unbearable.

Will they ever go away or am I stuck in this cycle forever?

 

[Sham]

I spent 8 years getting only an hour or 2 of sleep a night. Eventually I just kind of went numb because my brain could no longer process emotions aside from this endless feeling of dread that never went away. I even started to get paranoid that if I slept I would die which didn't help me get sleep. It took years to convince doctors of the extent of my insomnia problem and that just throwing some benzos and sleep hygiene rules my way wasn't going to do anything. I finally found doctors that realized I had to do things my way such as falling asleep to tv so my brain is kept busy whereas the sleep hygiene rules I was ordered to follow for years do not allow for a tv in the bedroom. I also spent years going through 100s of meds to find a combination that worked and then recently I spent 2 years going back over those meds because I was having side effects to my med combination that put me in the ER. They finally admitted that despite the risks there was nothing else that worked and no longer being an indestructible teenager 1-2 hrs of sleep a night was likely to end in my death anyway. So I have my antipsychotic, 2 tricyclics, zdrug, occasional benzo, mood stabilizer, and the otc stuff like melatonin and valerian root to take every night. I'm on a waiting list to see a specialist to help me deal with the med side effects since a string of specialists gave up on trying to eliminate the meds from the equation instead.

 

[Ted Moen]

I sleep fine now but I used to get about two hours a night until they observed my sleep patterns in an inpatient program. They put me on trazadone which took care of the nightmares and let me get 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night but did leave me somewhat groggy the first hour up in the morning. After about 4 years I was able to sleep fine without the medication as long as I exercise.

Ted

 

[RoxySoCalEW]

I'm so sorry guys. :-( I have a lot of problems with nightmares, but I was too exhausted from fighting them that now I just let them come. Probably not the way to go about it, but it's easier for me to function at work and at home (I'm a mom).

I'd rather get the onslaught of violence than be a zombie.. though in a way I guess I am a zombie, since I spend the majority of my waking hours trying to ignore all these images that stay in my head. It's progressed now to where I have violent daydreams even. I'll drive down the freeway and imagine the motorcyclist ahead of me dumping his bike and I run over him... or I'll be cooking dinner and I imagine the boiling water spilling on my legs and burning the skin off. crazy, disgusting stuff like that is always popping up in my head, constantly. I don't like medication, so I'll have to look into this sleep hygiene thing and see how that works.

missing_the_sunshine, I think the answer is that yes you (and I) will eventually find a way to cope and you won't be stuck in this rut forever. Have you tried medication? Therapy? I'm sure your doctor will say that it's just a matter of time, and finding the right combination of therapies for you. I hope you get some relief soon.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

I am on meds for the depression and ptsd but not for sleeping. My T said its a catch 22 because often sleeping meds will increase the nightmares because it puts you in a deeper sleep. I am also a bit hesitant about sleeping meds due to losing a friend to an overdose.

At the moment I am thinking that the nightmares are holding me back from everything including therapy and trying to deal with the PTSD because all the nightmares are about the accident where I lost my best friend. The slight changes to the nightmares are adding a great deal to my guilt about the accident.

I am just not sure that my body is coping too well with everything and it is starting to pack it in.

 

[AngelaMarie]

The sleep issue has been so hard for me. I quit sleeping well when I was about 11 years old. When I don't sleep I have so much pain in my body, and also can not concentrate. I agree with you that the nightmares are very scary. However, I have also learned in a way that when they happen it helps me heal. Things come up in my dreams that I have buried for years, sometimes decades. I feel so horrible after it happens. I shake, I am physically sick, etc. It is very hard, but for me it is also a step forward.
I truly wish you the best. I hope you can get more sleep and feel better.

 

[hazen]

I too have had issues with sleep for years... my problem is getting to sleep. I generally don't have many nightmares because I usually can't sleep that long. As I have started to uncover my PTSD in the past year it has all gotten worse. My T has been recommending all sorts of different OTC things for me to take to help sleep... Benadryl, Unisom, melatonin... but my body eventually seems to adjust to all of them. I find myself wondering when I might have to switch to something like Trazadone.

But I think it gets worse before it gets better, and I truly think it will get better, missing_the_sunshine. Not even sure why but I do. I think joining this forum has given me a lot of examples of people who have learned to cope well with their PTSD, and I don't see why we shouldn't be able to as well... someday!

 

[Reclusive]

I've been an insomniac as long as I can remember. Even with the nightmares, I'd take the sleep where I could get it because it was just so hard to get. After awhile I kinda got numb to the nightmares, I'd wake up depressed, drained, and dreading the day, but my body wouldn't hurt as bad as not sleeping and I wouldn't feel so physically awful... after a couple hours I could shake off the nightmares. I found after awhile I was having variations on 4 themes in my nightmares and kind of had a fascination trying to see what factored in to which one I had.... eventually they just melded together. I'm on Geodon and Prozosin for the nightmares now. I still have about 1 a week and most the time I can get to sleep at night. With the prozosin I need a nap in the afternoon, too. But still sometimes have bouts of insomnia (for example, it's 4:15am where I am).

There's no easy solution. I've started sleeping with a stuffed animal because my Abel is sick and won't sleep with me anymore. I wish I had better solutions for you. Meditate if you can when you can't sleep - it gives the body and mind some rest. Not as much and not as good, but it's better than nothing, and make sure to eat well and keep stress to a minimum. The less energy your body needs from sleep, the better you can cope without it.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Fellow insomniac, but I do manage to sleep in spurts. If, however, I hit a jag, it is usually NO sleep and the longer I go, the more manic I get.

Once I was awake for ten days without even 2 minutes. The world took on a green tint. They said I would not die, but I have heard you CAN die from lack of sleep.

For me, it is not :When you are tired you will sleep". No,the more tired I am, the more my body starts to get manic. LIke I said, my brain in evil.

I take meds now and then. I have used melatonin but it quit. Benedryl is VERY under rated! It can really help and is never first line defense. I like it.

If I have a serious jag, then it's harder.

 

[Reclusive]

I kinda get like that, too, but less manic and more OCD. The more tired I am, the more pressure I feel to do stuff and stay busy. But only at night. If I'm sleepy during the day, I can nap just fine. I think part of it is because I don't want the next day to come and some part of my brain thinks that by sleeping it'll come faster. Which it kinda does. I should be sleeping now (it's 2:15am) but... I think I don't want to be around my fiance right now.

 

[KatB]

As i write at this moment, I currently have slept zilch,nothing. I have tossed and turned. Done everything I know that can help me. Nothing. It's a very frustrating thing when all you want to do is tell your body and mind to shut off.

I agree with the original post. It's affecting everything- my hair, my looks, emotions and spirit. I looked at another member's post from another forum. I saw that the reason why we have a hard time falling asleep is because our brains is trying to reprocess all that the brain endured through the trauma; that it perceives our surroundings as danger, therefore it is fighting for our safety. I think this might be true for all of us. I simply don't remember this. I forget. I dont know how long this will continue, but I know God is keeping me alive by His Grace. Seriously.....