Left Job Without Notice

[presentjoy]

We were in a really intensely bad time with the aftermath of the marathon and one day, I just up and quit. There was a confrontation, and I don't want to get into details, but after the confrontation I took a lunch break, got some distance from it, and felt like "I don't want to be treated this way anymore".

It was a good job in many respects, though I could sense some underlying abusive tendencies, coming from the top down, which led to my feeling weirdly controlled by the other person being controlled. But it was a job that paid well, had benefits (needed benefits, because it was after my husband lost his job). It was a step up from the retail job I held for over 2 years, in spite of the sensory overload I was enduring.

It was the second permanent full time job I had in my entire 36 years. And I lasted 3.5 months. The other full time thing was also really short.

I spent May, June, July, and most of August unemployed. I feel like I'm still reeling from it.
Right now I'm in a training program to try and enter a new career. I'm excited about it, and I think I would do well.

But at this point, I feel a big mix of things, a lot of fears.
1. I fear that I have always and therefore will always not be able KEEP a job.
2. I fear the interpersonal relationships that are involved in office-based employment - I do well, until I start to crumble under the stress
3. I feel generally like a failure. I got a good education, I'm bright, I come across really well, and maybe try too hard, setting the bar really high. I can't maintain it. But I also feel that the level of functioning that most adults can maintain is just beyond me. Fold learned helplessness into the mix.
4. My mix of Aspergers and PTSD feels like a vise-grip of dissociative and social-skills blockages that I can't seem to figure out what to address first/second/third/concurrently.

That's kind of a nutshell. I feel really bad that I just left my last employer in the lurch by leaving impulsively. I kind of wish I hadn't, but I'm not sure I regret it. I'm confused, I guess. Maybe my leaving was because I was triggered. I had already had one meltdown and ended up inpatient. I think I felt like I couldn't manage the relationships anymore.

Thanks for reading.
pj

 

[Flyaway]

I left my last job spontaneously too... Looking back, I realised that I should have left a while ago- I could have done so without the drama. Maybe it was similar for you? I guess the point I'm trying to make is that all anyone can really do is learn from our mistakes :) you're bright- keep figuring out triggers, and learn to deal with them at the time. S you can stay on top of things.

I can't predict how your next job is going to go, but I think your on the right track! Hang in there... Keep listening to yourself and dealing with the issues at hand. Hope the next job is a lot better!!!

 

[presentjoy]

Looking back, I realised that I should have left a while ago- I could have done so without the drama. Maybe it was similar for you?

Yes, I realised what was happening before the leaving, and I could have left more responsibly. At the time, when I look back, everything was in acute trauma phase with my husband, and it seemed like everything that had already happened was crashing in on me and so leaving the job didn't even feel that dramatic to me. In hindsight, of course, it was irresponsible and dramatic.

I appreciate your response. I feel a teeny bit less bad about it happening that way, I think maybe there's more to process about it as I unravel what's happened since April.

pj

 

[stephanie44]

I am sorry about what happened at work but maybe you needed to leave to take care of yourself. You are important and deserve to be treated with respect.

 

[Flyaway]

Try not to be hard on yourself! If you're anything like me you were just doing your best to be positive and stick with the job... But in the process neglected to realise your needs weren't being met.

Our basic needs for safety/emotional security were neglected at some point in our lives, I figure we have a responsibility to make sure our needs are put first now.

I think these events are good for you- there's so much to be learnt and gained :) keep moving forward, you can do it!

 

[presentjoy]

Thank you stephanie and Flyaway.

I'm trying to be kinder to myself. I have had some brief interaction with the former employer because of some administrative stuff, and it's all been cordial and not just in a snubby distant way, but respectful. So while I feel like I burned a bridge, it maybe was for the best. We have been able to focus on trying to deal with the recent trauma and figure out resources for cPTSD.

I never knew, honestly.

I think Fly, I was trying to do my best, but I also have come to realise I don't know what my needs are. It's very difficult to get unknown needs met. I think that's a big area to work on and learn about. Emotional security is a biggie. I feel tears thinking about what it means to feel that. But I think it's kind of only an imagining :(

 

[Flyaway]

Well done for making that tough choice :) ...I struggle a lot with understanding my needs, I've found that understanding why this is difficult helps. In my case, I was told all the time that I if I wasn't serving another person God (and the rest of my family) thought I was selfish. Whenever I asked for anything- I was selfish.

They took advantage of the type of person I am- I am the sort of person that loves to help and put a smile on other persons face. I think my core self is really good- and desires good, so they manipulated me into thinking that being their slave and scapegoat was the only way I could be good.

Presentjoy, now it the time to understand and move on from past bull poo. You deserve to have your needs met!