Let Your Creativity Flow

[tnkg1rl]

I looked for another thread for this but had no luck. I write a lot, I filled over 8 journals while being deployed, it's mostly junk poetry but had to have a way to get the crap out. so maybe we have some song writers here or poets and don't know it's. Here's mine.

Panic Attack
by: tnkg1rl

The walls are closing in

and the room starts to spin

I take a knee and start to plea

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME

Thoughts are racing through my mind

almost doing double time

Why can't I escape these memories

that just won't quit haunting me.

I bow my head

cover my ears

look around to ensure no one sees my fears

I shake

I tremble

I just can't breath

The thing I've seen no one could possibly believe

am I the only one in the world like me?

I take a deep breath 2..3....4.......

I slowly stand up and walk out the door

I guess I wont get the groceries today

I didn't need bread that bad any damn way.

 

[Anglesachse]

Allways good to see someone get pen to paper.

I for my part am only ever able to create anything like this when I am in a realy bad place.

Funny realy, allmost like the creative side of me needs the Beast to function, it`s the only time I can draw or write poems. If my head is more or less screwed on properly I can`t even create a piss up in a brewery.

 

[JennyMac]

Service

It started at my feet
Growing, twisting, turning
Wrapping itself around me
Legs first
Then abdomen
Then my chest, my heart my neck
My mind
At first it was uncomfortable, but I got used to it
Then the thorns
At first they barely broke my skin
Denting it in with a little pressure
Then pierced, pricked
Pain I was used to
Pain I grew used to
And then they punctured into my muscles
My veins, my brain
My life dripping from my fingertips
It's dying now, this plant at my feet
Stopped caring, stopped watering,
Brown dry and cracked
Except the thorns
They are a part of me now
Grown over long ago.

 

[JennyMac]

I live on the edge
Of my life
My thoughts
My reality
Never really going anywhere
It's all a mess I guess, maybe
Do I care, I guess, maybe
I can't find my way out and into it
It's me I guess maybe,
I'm the mess
I am the mess
I'm the mess

 

[JennyMac]

@@@@@@@@@@@@may contain triggers@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Reality

Sometimes
I just don't wanna think about it
your lack of faith
your lack of faith
I know it was right
I know what I saw
it was no mistake
no mistake

Big shoulders to carry it on
big shoulders to carry it all on
not gonna break down
not gonna break

It's almost dawn
I see the sun poking up
shining on 3 mile mountain
it's all gone
the pride I took when I left
it's all used up
burned up in the sun

You said I'd be alright
I knew so much, I'd do it all
but it's so heavy to carry
big shoulders to carry it all

Don't bend
strain to stand
don't look at the stains on your feet
on the ground

I see your faces needling me
when I least expect it,
the good the bad
its all ugly
so ugly now it seems
No answers, no answers from you
to keep me from going still
like water in a jar
still like water in a jar

Accusers
from your comfortable chair
with your comfortable lives
you never wonder why
I am here
why I am alive
why me and not them
why me

I dream of losing my head,
dream of losing my hands
of explosions in the night
explosions in the night
Tell me that you see the darkness too
like black inside the white
like black inside the white

and all these things I live to carry
I carry for you
I carry for you
and then you kick
and lash at my feet and
curse the living breathing dreams
I hold for you

I keep the lights burning
so day becomes night
day becomes night
I'm not afraid of the darkness
not afraid of the darkness
or the dreams that blacken my eyes
black and blue eyes

Accusers stand beside me
Satan get behind
we will all burn together
it's just a matter of time
a matter of time.

 

[JennyMac]

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@May contain triggers@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Last one....

the 4th of may

You were praying
on your knees and forehead to the ground
in the darkness
beside a bombed out hut.

You knew you were done

You understood your future and
how short it was
and so did I

And I watched you

And I didn’t think it mattered
and I didn’t think I cared
that you would soon be the sum of
1000 tiny pieces
like all the others that caught my eye
like the ones that killed
Canadian sons and daughters

You did deserve to go

1000 tiny black pieces all over the white screen
No revenge, or anger
just pieces of you
indiscernible from flying earth
But you were praying to God
and I don’t know what for

I just don’t know

What did you say?
did you ask for forgiveness?
did you swell with pride?
Praying made you human to me
it reminded me that
you were like me

So alike but so different
different reasons, but
are they really different reasons?

You tried to kill my family
I try to kill your family
at the end of the day
I will have succeeded and
tomorrow maybe your family
will have claimed a victory
but you won’t

not now
not ever

What for?
Where is the right side, where is the end?
Is that what you asked your God
Did you ask him for the end
or did you beg him for an eternity of
hate and death on your honour

Were you prideful of your coward’s way
of fighting,
skulking in the dark with your family
to lay a trap for anyone,
for anyone at all

You are returned to dust now
back to where you came from
where we all come from
and to where we will all return
but not me
not today
and not by your hand

No regret
remorse
or need for forgiveness

We are more alike than we admit

 

[Sarg]

Let me get my guitar out and see if I can put anything to music. Wonderful lyrics, folks, very inspiring.

Sarg

 

[reddevil1111]

OMG Poems? Really? What has happened to this site?

All kidding aside, good stuff ladies.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Outstanding!! You go my Sisters.

Writing has been one of my best outlets for a long time. I'd recomment it to anyone. There is no good or bad, correct or incorrect. It's personal, and just is what it is.

My 2 cents worth is call Men of Honor only because there were no ladies in our units. But, woman or man, a warrior is a warrior.



Rain on a wet poncho as I hugged my knees to my chest, trying to stay warm
Whispered voices and clicks on the radio as the ambushes and listening posts checked in
The thud of four duce mortars and the roar of a 106 recoilless rifle
Helicopter blades pounding the air at the LZ as wounded were carried off to DaNang
The roar from Puff’s guns as they ripped through the jungle and the Vietnamese

These were the sounds burned into my memory as I stood with men of honor by my side.

Mist hanging over the river and valley below as the morning sun appeared
The dirt covered mountaintop with sand bagged bunkers and trenches cut into its surface
Thin tired faces, dirt covered flack jackets, and sweat soaked uniforms of my brothers
Eerie green shapes from the pitch black night in the eyepiece of infrared binoculars
My brothers lying in rows on the LZ, waiting for their last helicopter ride home

These were the sites burned into my memory as I stood with men of honor by my side.

Cold, lonely, endless nights trying not to think of family, home and friends so far away
The warmth and comfort of my brother’s laughter when there was nothing to laugh about
The damp cold and suffocating heat that penetrated to the center of my bones
The confusion and despair as my dragon turned me into a heartless killer
The emptiness as I looked into the lifeless face of my best friend

These were the feelings burned into my memory as I stood with men on honor by my side.

The people in the airport back home who moved away and avoided me as they passed
Family and friends who didn’t know the killer who returned from Vietnam
My hometown where I no longer fit, the one I had to leave
Drinking alone, unable to find anyone who understood or could relate
Moving from place to place, trying to find something that made sense

This was what I found when I left the men of honor by my side.

We were all so young and full of life with our whole future ahead
Each of us had the same dreams as those who stayed behind
But our dreams became clouded and very hard to find
These dreams were mixed with memories of blood and pain and death
Memories that stay with us all the years of our lives

This was the legacy of the men of honor by my side.

We had no homeland to welcome us back
Few understood and fewer cared
We seldom spoke of the war, no one wanted to hear
We struggled to bury memories that will always return
We fought to control the killer who lurked inside

We were left with nothing but each other, the men of honor by my side.

We weren’t in Vietnam to defend our homeland because we hadn’t been attacked
We didn’t fight for riches, power, or glory; we fought only to stay alive
We risked our lives to save our brothers as they risked theirs for us
We grew close to one another because one another was all we had
There was no justification for our suffering, no reasons for the losses

So why was I sent to Vietnam with those men of honor by my side.

I will never find a reason although I’ve searched for many years
But, what I’ve found amazes me because it went unnoticed for so long
It’s the common men, my brothers, who did such extraordinary things
Those fine young men who walked through hell each and every day
And I’m filled with pride and am privileged to say
THAT I STOOD WITH MEN OF HONOR BY MY SIDE

 

[JarHed]

Great stuff! Keep it coming.

 

[tnkg1rl]

These are all awesome so happy it's taking off!!!!

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

OK, one more. But, don't blame me. Jar is the one who said".....keep it coming".


Shadows dance across the wall from light the moon provides.
My wife lies sleeping quietly, close here by my side.
This should be a time of peace for me, a time to sleep and dream
Of happy times with those I love, and joys the future brings.

Instead I lay on sweat soaked sheets even though the room is cool
And try to gain control of what torments my heart and soul.
What reason can there be for this, the power that haunts my life
That keeps me from those happy times, and joys the future brings.

This haunting came from nowhere one cold and lonely night
As I walked the hall of my peaceful home with no one else inside.
This force that come upon me takes all my strength and will
To stay in touch with happy times, and joys the future brings.

So, why am I so troubled in these years that should be mine
These later years when I could return to joys I’d set aside
A time in life I’ve earned with toil and sweat and pain
When I could capture happy times, and joys the future brings.

At first I simply told myself “ignore it, it will pass”
This momentary trauma like other setbacks cannot last.
But as I regained control, and began to feel at ease
The trauma would return and block the joys the future brings.

So now I search the past for what has caused my deep unrest
But often find my heart and soul block my urgent quest
So much of me is turned away from what I must confront
The things that keep me from my peace and joys the future brings.

I have so much to live for. This world can bring great joy
To those who can appreciate its beauty and its peace.
So I must confront my demons however ugly they may be
And claim all of my happy times and joys the future brings.

The answers lie inside, deep in my heart and soul
Where I buried them so long ago so that I could carry on
I need not dig them out. Releasing them’s the key
To casting off my burdens, and finding joys the future brings.

The answer comes from faith and love and courage I must find
Let down my guard’s what I must do to allow what’s locked inside
To stand before me in full view where I can identify
These hidden demons who block my peace and joys the future brings.

Facing them can be no worse than avoiding them has been
What err the confrontation brings will release my heart and soul
So I stand and face my gruesome past with one single goal in mind
To fully claim my happy times and joy the future brings.