General Lies Vs Truth - Which Hurts More?

[Husbandofvictim]

Rather than rehash my/our story please search "my story wow", clicking the option for title search. If someone could post a link in this thread that would be great. ...I'm a nube.

Since exiting the facility 3 weeks ago, my wife has been in an outpatient program. It's a dual diagnosis program for mental health and substance. Today she was officially diagnosed as PTSD and bipolar 1 with psychosis. I am being supportive and accessible but I am still the focus of all rage, anger, etc. Everyday is an experiment in restraint.

Here's my issue ...and it deals with the assault that occurred during our marriage. I do not question that she was assaulted but the story keeps changing. Ver. 1 - assaulted in the back of a limo, by the driver, on the way to the airport. Ver. 2 - assaulted multiple times (3) by the same driver, always in the vehicle. Ver. 3 - got friendly with driver, asked him to find her weed, went with him and was assaulted at "a house". Subsequent times were in the limo. Ver. 4 - same as above, but the 2nd time was consensual after he drove her from the hospital, where she was admitted the day after he raped her the first time. 3rd time was an assault, weeks after the 2nd.

She says that initially she did resist vocally, but did participate physically.

I get the whole stockholm syndrome thing ...but come on right? I want to believe her in the worst way but I feel like the next version of the story will involve us having Xmas dinner together. She won't press charges because he has a card professing her love for him and they were seen in public (at the airport) exchanging passionate goodbyes. According to her it was a ruse to protect herself.

Am I a fool to believe that:

A. Anyone could be this much of a victim.
B. Anyone would continue to put themselves in this situation.
C. That this was the first time she "stepped out" and THIS happened (not a believer in chaos theory)
D. Her story is true.

I feel this story is the little lost girl covering up for a situation that got out of hand.

This may be the most insensitive thing ever written on this board. Sorry, but it's honest.

Thnx - HOV

 

[sea]

You need to understand the complexities of trauma and you don't. Right off the bat, that's as honest as I'm gonna be, so get ready. Basically, it's very likely you haven't read a single thing on child development or complex trauma considering the words you have written. And obviously, with the words you have written, you truly do not understand Stockholm syndrome in the slightest, because all of what you wrote perfectly fits within the Stockholm syndrome category.

Your wife was what? Abused as a kid and as an adult? So she naturally incorporated that abuse, that blame, that lies, that hate, scared, fear, self-perception, self-worth, etc. She learned that abuse was normal.

You say you do not question the assault happened, but the story keeps changing. That is normal. Memories during trauma become fragmented and confused. It's likely she is trying to sort out what really happened, that it is hazy, obviously she might have also been intoxicated at the time, etc. Perfectly normal.

That she sought out those situations again? Perfectly normal for any traumatized person, as it is a natural thing to want to re-create and re-focus on the trauma that happened, there are dozens of threads here about reinacting trauma. We seek what we know. If all you know is abuse, that is what you seek. It's not about being a victim.

She may be being obnoxious and annoying and scary and rude and mean, and hell, she might even be playing it up in the victim card, but everything you say here is indicative of long-term complex trauma, completely. She definitely fits the profile.

 

[Husbandofvictim]

It's a big chunk to process ..you are spot on though, I find it almost impossible to be objective.

My brain can process what happened, and make the connections back to the early abuse, but the lies are tough to work through.

To hurt for someone and from someone - at the same time - is tough.

*For the record she was sober and has never been anything but loved in our relationship ..there are many abusive priors though.*

 

[Husbandofvictim]

Thank you for your honest response.

 

[goingonhope]

Rather than rehash my/our story please search "my story wow", clicking the option for title search. If someone could post a link in this thread that would be great. ...I'm a nube.

Our Story - Wow!!
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/our-story-wow.21590/[/DLMURL]

There you go husbandofvictim.


Hope

 

[Husbandofvictim]

Thank you for the link.

 

[goingonhope]

Your welcome.

 

[Husbandofvictim]

Sea - Your firm update prompted me to do some reading. Thank you.

Wow-I was making a flip remark not knowing how right I was. Holy Cr@p!

...I did warn that the post was insensitive though.

Thanks Again.