Life Sucks I Just Want To Go Back To Using Drugs

[shimmerz]

I am so glad that you reached out Sonic. :hug::hug:

 

[Recovery4Me]

I'm not setting myself up for nothing, it's nothing that's setting me up...

In response to this sentence- please take a stronger look at your title... and consider that is pretty attention grabbing using the word " I ". Your nothingness is a feeling that you are having. We are not our feelings. We make the choices.

...Go drug seeking and just get away from all this apathy.

And then the above sentence...

So if this was fantasy or wishful thinking...it would have assisted to say it is ideation of a destructive decision to pursue adding an illegal mix to an already delicate balance concerning your stated 2 antipsychotic medications plus cocktail. The actual act of actual ingesting illegal drugs + the current atypical antipsychotic can result in toxicology that is fatal. That is the set-up. You are predisposed at higher risk on recreational drug overdose.

The choice is always yours. If you wish to know available groups or help lines let me know and tag me here.... otherwise I am out of the thread. Peace be with you and your path.

 

[sonicwhite]

@Recovery4Me I see your more interested in my life than even I am. I just feel if there was a different path to walk, one where there is so much emptiness inside than I would choose that path over illegal drug use any day. I'm still trying to figure out who "me" is. I am thankful for your caring advice. I'm just afraid I won't stick with any program.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Have your med level checked, engage in a T (if you do not already have one), set-up a solid support unit for when you shift or even when you are somewhat grounded. Interest is a positive emotion, just a quiet one...so "do" & be interested in what it takes to secure your future decisions. You are dealing with a lot.

'm just afraid I won't stick with any program.

Be more afraid of overdosing and frying your brain...and get your butt in gear to open this numbness in a healthy manner.:facepalm:
BTW, Mother Teresa has a book on walking through numbness and loosing her way, if you want to see a role model on going through the motions during a darker time while feeding multitudes. However Max Lucado is more uplifting and inspirational for the quick fix. :hug: jmho

Again don't play around with this...I have witnessed too many deaths all ready from 'recovered' drug addicts backsliding. Hardline and toughen up through solid support clusters...feeling nothing is a stage not a lifetime sentence.:hug: NO FUN DRUGS FOR YOU!!!

Later~

 

[davebassman409]

@sonicwhite , drugs are a decent escape from the shit we call life man. dont let them control you but use them as a tool to let yourself feel free

 

[Fadeaway]

My mom committed suicide after a week long stint on meth. The come down is what I believe caused her to take her life. I grew up in a drug house, and saw enough as a kid to know that all the troubles drugs bring could never be worth the high they could produce.

I have read your previous posts and it seemed to me that you were relying solely on religion to give you the strength you needed to stay clean. I saw that cycle one to many times growing up.

ADDICTION > TROUBLE WITH THE LAW > FIND GOD IN REHAB > TAKE RELIGION TO THE EXTREME > RELIGIOUS HIGH WEARS OFF LIKE A DRUG > DEPRESSION >BACKSLIDE INTO DRUG USE > RINSE AND REPEAT

Even as a child this pattern was obvious to me as it was constant cycle for the adults in my life. The ones I know that stayed clean found something inside themselves versus religion. Their peace and happiness came from caring for others and using their experience to help.

Finding religion like you did was just a substitute high. You are coming down. What do you do when you are coming off any drug? Take extra care of yourself physically and emotionally. Then working on finding the light within yourself.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think there may be a number of things going on....

One.... In normal life, you will never, ever, ever get the highs like when you're a consistent drug user. Simple fact.....much of life is quite boring. It just is. Now don't get me wrong, there are many "highs" in life, but you don't get them as consistently as when you're using substances. That is, with drugs, you can command a high, with life, not so much.

Two.... Antipsychotics are KNOWN to cause apathy.... (L-Dopa, anyone?) Ok, so L-Dopa was a typical antipsychotic while they mainly prescribe atypicals these days, but the truth is that while the atypicals are touted to be SO different than they're predecessors, that may not exactly be the entire truth. Atypicals haven't been around long enough to know the full truth!

Granted, I'm med sensitive, but at the same time, one dose of an antipsychotic and I'm in apathy hell! I'm like "there is no point to life" etc. Are you sure you need TWO antipsychotics? Of course I don't know your history... Did the drug use alter your brain chemistry so now you experience mania or was the drug use a way to control the mania?



More and more I am disturbed by how people on this forum advocate the use of drugs. (RE; a reply, not the OP) Uhm, HULLO, we are recovering from PTSD! Its not just here in this post. The "drug culture" of chat is pretty sickening, too. People advocating the use of drugs and alcohol when there are minors (ie 14, 15, 16 years old) in there. I get disgusted by it all. Yeah, so many of us have been abused, but don't you DARE tell anyone in the chat room to calm down the drug chat or they'll have it out for you. Funny how we are all so against typical "abuse" (sexual, physical, emotional) yet people don't give two damn licks about encouraging others to go down a dangerous path, especially when they're young. Sorry for my tangential rant, but yeah, you have two sides.....the side that has seen the destruction of drugs and alcohol and know how bad it can be so they run the other direction, and those who are completely ignorant to its effects, thinking that cuz they can handle a little that everyone can, and so they encourage everyone *rolls eyes* to partake cuz a little never hurt anyone.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm on two Anti-psychotics and I just don't want to live like this anymore....I want to hang out with my old friends. Stay up for nights.....Go drug seeking and just get away from all this apathy.

I won't have anything great to say, except you are describing my brother and what his life was like for fifteen years. Back and forth between the wrong meds and heavy drugs. When he was on his meds, he was so incorrectly medicated that his life seemed unlivable to him. But when he was back on the street, every time he got into harder and harder stuff.

He's actually doing great now. I'm not suggesting you do exactly this - but it was important for him to taper down off all remaining anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, anti-depressants - and then start again, clean, with a new doctor that he spent about a year deciding to trust. Now, he's on methadone (that will probably be forever, he's tried to step down and it's too much for his brain), abilify, and a low dose of lexapro. This was after years of depakote, seroquel, risperdal, geodon, lamictal, latuda, plus benzos. He says it's like night and day.

I know your old psych just passed away - do you like your new one? Are they affiliated with any kind of PHP program? That can be a good way to really be in daily contact with a psych team to try and get things working on the right road. I actually met my current psych through a PHP, it was probably the most important thing I got out of it.

The "drug culture" of chat is pretty sickening, too. People advocating the use of drugs and alcohol when there are minors (ie 14, 15, 16 years old) in there.

The best thing, always, is to report. I know you know this, but I'm taking this as an opportunity to remind the community. Report. We would rather know what's going on in chat, even if it's not a rule infraction. And for those who don't know, you can report a member in chat by going to their profile page and hitting "report".
/end threadjack

 

[darrenS]

More and more I am disturbed by how people on this forum advocate the use of drugs. (RE; a reply, not the OP) Uhm, HULLO, we are recovering from PTSD! Its not just here in this post. The "drug culture" of chat is pretty sickening, too. People advocating the use of drugs and alcohol when there are minors (ie 14, 15, 16 years old) in there.

I tend to agree with you on this and yes i have been guilty of talking about marijuana , I don't think the forum should be free and open to anyone , particularly minors.

Its always been a great concern because nowhere else are minors mixed with adults. I don't care what anyone says, i personally think its very unhealthy and in some respects very destructive for the younger set to be exposed to adult problems, reactions and what not, as they are still developing and they start to mimic what they see and hear. In treatment the approach with minors is vastly different from the treatment approaches with adults.

 

[davebassman409]

@Solara

good point dude but if u belive in religion then why did god put these substances on earth? your basically saying no one should eat chocolate cus that makes u fat and kills u quicker. everything is good in moderation and certain will help u see that there is good out there too and to focus on that rather than moaning about your problems. sometimes apathy is the best form of recovery

 

[Recovery4Me]

rather than moaning about your problems

It is what is known as sharing on a board that many of us gather to discuss areas that rest within and around symptoms of PTSD . It is a special place where ideas within reason are encouraged to socialize and journey in relative safety, without possible trolls & computer concerns. Hopefully without personal afront or poking for a reaction while ignoring net-etiquette and laws in place we might find solid coping skills within our communication on a mental health board. jmho

I look forward to your interactions and welcome you again. Substance abuse is not normally encouraged. end of threadjack//

 

[Fadeaway]

@Solara I wish I could give you a dozen likes for this.

@davebassman409 I don't believe in a god, but I can tell your straight up that even if i did, I know better than to think a god placed those here. HUMANS wither created them in a lab or for plant, breed them for certain properties and in crease potency, and they used processing methods to make the drugs available.